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i have a big problem. when my bf and I have intercourse i dont orgasm everytime and i really feel like its affecting our relationship. because it seems like we both become so uncomfortable after we do it. I like him very much and he likes me, but i dont know how long we can keep doing this.

im 22 years old and still leave with my parents. he's 25 and also leaves with his parents. we only get to do it when his mother is at work. often i feel like im being rushed and sometimes his brother is in the next room. i need help. i think now i'm actually starting to avoid having sex with him, like i'm not looking foward to it because i know it will be another dissapointment. im not blaming him, i feel like it's most of my fault.
i feel so alone after we done doing it. and i often find myself being jealous of him because he's able to enjoy it and i dont

Am I a horrible gf?

2007-05-31 14:01:00 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

18 answers

There are so many additional factors to consider for women having an orgasm. Our emotions get tangled into it. You say that both you and your boyfriend live with your parents. That right there is a huge part. You don't feel free to let go and enjoy yourself. Then there's the added stress that you're expecting to have an orgasm every time, so when you do have sex now, you're being put on the spot. With men, having an orgasm is mainly physical, with other factors rarely getting in the way.

Here's what I suggest. Perhaps the two of you can pool your resources and get away for a weekend. Even stay in the same town, but go to a motel where you can have some privacy. Talk to your boyfriend about this ahead of time, because when you have sex, don't try to have an orgasm. Just focus on the pleasant sensations. Keep communication open, letting each other know what you like. Just try to completely relax into the moment and enjoy. If you don't have an orgasm, don't worry about it. You weren't trying for one anyway. That wasn't the goal. Next time you have sex, go for the same thing and just try to let yourself relax completely into the moment. I would guess that if you continue throughout the weekend, you'd at least find yourself coming closer to orgasm each time. If that doesn't happen, I would suggest you talk to your doctor, who might be able to give you some advice that I am not qualified to.

I hope my suggestion works for you. Relationships have enough issues without the ones we create for ourselves. Good luck to you!

2007-05-31 14:19:22 · answer #1 · answered by Erin 7 · 0 0

Ok first off, it's totally normal to not orgasm everytime you have sex. Second, talk to him! Communication is the most important thing in a relationship. Tell him that you feel rushed when you two are having sex and that you're not enjoying it and tell him why. Sex is an important part of a relationship, but communication is key. You shouldn't feel uncomfortable talking to him after sex, you should feel comfortable around him all the time. As a suggestion to the not having enough time and that sorta stuff, take a weekend away. Rent a hotel room or go somewhere away where it's just the two of you for the weekend. Spend a lot of time in the room experimenting with sex and foreplay and that sorta stuff so you both figure out what you like as an individual and together. You never know, he might be feeling some of the same things you are. Good luck!!

2007-05-31 14:13:35 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0 0

I don't think you're a horrible girlfriend. From the sound of it you don't even know why you can't ***. Sounds like the reason you can't *** is because you're not completely comfortable doing it. You feel rushed, other people are in the house. You need to try to do it in a more comfortable surrounding. Try having sex at a motel room, or even in the car. Just some place where the two of you can be alone and completely enjoy the moment. It's a lot harder for females to orgasm then it is for guys. Females need to feel comfortable and keep focus. If you're consentration is thrown off then that may become a problem also. Just try different surroundings and if he brings it up why you don't want to, just let him know that you don't feel comfortable doing it with the situation being as it is. I hope I helped. And no, you're not a bad girlfriend.

2007-05-31 14:17:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

well I wouldn't call you horrible but you aren't being fair to your boyfriend by getting jealous. The problem is purely mental for you, being uncomfortable about where you are having sex...as well as thinking you have to orgasm EVERY time. It was your choice to get involved with someone in the situations you are in.

At 25,it is unreasonable to still be living with his parents, unless he is taking care of them, which obviously he isn't. Even 22 is a bit old to be taken care of by your parents. The two of you should be trying to get yourselves on your own feet, not worrying about your sex life - if you had your own places - the problem would be solved...

2007-05-31 14:12:56 · answer #4 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0 0

You're not a horrible girlfriend, but you are an unreasonable person. Most women do not have an orgasm during intercourse. That's why oral sex and masturbation exist. I remember sneaking around to have sex when I was 18, but by the time you're 22 the novelty of sneaking around to avoid your parents wears thin. Sex isn't your problem; your total lack of independence is your problem.

2007-05-31 14:10:41 · answer #5 · answered by Penelope Smith 7 · 0 0

No, your not too bad ; ) It's pretty simple. You can't get off because you have all this crap in the back of your mind that make you unable to concentrate on the sex itself. You're always afraid that his mom will come home at any time, or that his bro will hear you. It its probably only worse now because you think its all your fault and really want to get off soo bad that sex is an mental train wreck for you that you can't.
He needs to understand that some girls don't need to get off for it to still feel good for them. You need to make him feel adequate enough that he can still feel secure even if you done get off. Once he takes that pressure off of you, and you take it off yourself, that will help. Next thing is to do it when his bro isn't home, and mom won't be home for a long time. Have the talk with him, wait till nobody is home and I'll bet you'll get off. You just need to get over that mental block.
-M

2007-05-31 14:23:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

No ur not a horrible gf... ya'll just need to get away with some privacy... if you can afford it go get a motel room for a night... trust me that should work. Actually if you have a job & can afford it maybe you could get an apartment somewhere close by... if you can't afford it now you should start saving up for it (unless of course you have other plans). That way you'll have privacy whenever you may need it ;-)

2007-05-31 14:10:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Sex/lovemaking should be an adult activity. Sneaking around behind parents' backs is not mature, adult behavior. Until one or both of you are mature and independent enough to be able to provide for/support yourselves and therefore have a place that provides privacy and space/time, forget it. I would not say you are a horrible girlfriend. I would question a boyfriend who puts his girlfriend in situations that are uncomfortable for her to meet his own wants.
I don't want to preach morality, but the answer above that mentions waiting until you are married is not a bad one to consider.

2007-05-31 14:12:15 · answer #8 · answered by CountryLady 4 · 0 0

properly my sweety, the problem with those circumstances is as much as you desire to assist all you're able to do is tell him the way you experience and enable him make this determination for himself. think of concerning the way you will experience the the jobs have been reversed. i be attentive to you basically desire the best on your chum yet he's a huge boy he can and could preserve himself. in case you push him it would tension your dating andthen in the event that they do smash up you will merely be status there shaking your head asserting I instructed you so. Love your chum and be supportive of what he needs and thats all you're able to do for him. If he chooses to be with somebody and beilve some chick then tehres no longer the rest you're able to do. good luck hunny

2016-11-03 06:24:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You are not a bad girlfriend! You just need to find somewhere where you two can be alone and do it there. Try talking to him about it and see what he thinks. It would suck if your relationship wast ruined because of this (trust me I have seen it happen) Good luck. Hope I helped!

2007-05-31 14:11:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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