once a cheater always a cheater?

Question

my boy friend who am engaged to cheated and i found out. he finally told me the truth. I have chose to stay and try and work this out. but dont know how? Help!

Answer 1

Try and figure out WHY HE CHEATED. Is there something he hopes for or wants from you that he wasn't getting??

Men don't cheat and lie because they WANT to. They cheat
and lie because women FORCE them to all the time. Guys dont ENJOY living a lie. Many times inorder to hang on to the woman he really LOVES, he has to LIE in order to do it.

And guess what.... women ask men to LIE all the time.

EXAMPLES:

- Women who withhold sex from men until he says "I love you" is a guaranteed way to BEG a man to LIE to you to get sex.

- Withholding sex until marriage is ANOTHER way for a man to wind up disappointed and unsatisfied in the marriage and hope to look elsewhere for it.

- Asking a man for "something you would rather hear" than the TRUTH is another way to BEG him to lie to you. If he finds himself lying to you all the time to be politically correct because you will freak out if he doesn't is ASKING to be lied to.

"Were you checking that girl out??". There is nothing wrong with him saying "YES I WAS... SO??". But MANY women will act as though he cheated right there and in MOST cases would rather hear a LIE. "No! No! Not at all!! You are the only woman I ever notice".

Please. Gimme a break.

- Making a man jump through all kinds of rediculous hoops for your attention and affection is VERY OFTEN not worth a man's trouble and effort. Do you put too many constraints on this?? Because he would rather not work that hard for your attention and affection from HIS FIANCEE (who is supposed to LOVE him and freely offer it to him) when there are other women who are more eager to offer these things for far less effort.

I could keep listing examples right into next week . . .

Women need to remind themselves that a guy as AS MUCH OF A RIGHT and RESPONSIBILITY to go out into the world and get WHATEVER he wants as any woman does. It is WRONG to blame him for that. If "she" has a problem with it, the problem is HERS. She shouldn't make it HIS.

You must ALWAYS remember that because he LIED or CHEATED MAY have something to do with YOU and your expectations of him.

THANKFULLY FOR YOU, THERE IS GOOD NEWS!!! ALL WOMEN should know that its perfectly possible for a man to LOVE one woman and have a meaningless affair with another. THIS IS NOT A LIE. If you still want to hang on to your man, well GOOD FOR YOU for caring enough to want to do something to fix the situation. You should never walk away from something until you have tried your BEST to fix something that is broken.

HOW to fix it?? well start by looking at yourself and see if any of the above is true. And then try and get a SOLID understanding of the REAL reason behind WHY he went somewhere else to get it. I guarantee it will NOT be something "you want to hear", but that's ok because at least you will know if there is something YOU can ( and are prepared to) do . . . or not.

He will also admire you for looking him directly in the face and asking to not hold ANYTHING back because YOU want things to work.... so you need to know EXACTLY what the issue was in order to have ANY chance of being able to fix it.

Not many men meet a girl like THAT.... and you can bet most men will agree.

ON the other hand... if along the way you figured out that you DID EVERYTHING you could and there was NO justifyable reason for doing what he did, that he is simply a lying, cheating jerk inspite of the fact that you gave him EVERYTHING . . . .

. . . .then permanently EJECT this monster from your life without hesitation or remorse and go out there and find yourself another man who will live up to your standards TODAY!!

--> OH! AND P.S. . . . Any woman who says "don't do it , he will cheat again" is probably EXACTLY the kind of woman who withholds SOMETHING HE WANTS from a relationship . . . . but instead of providing it , she would much rather DENY it to him and call him a lying, cheating bastard if he decides to go elsewhere to get it. They don't even KNOW your man (or the circumstances) and they already assume he will cheat again... because they have OBVIOUSLY been there before.

Hmmm, I wonder why.

Answer 2

Hi Heather. I know it is hard for you to accept that your significant other has cheated on you, but it is mostly true that once a cheater, always a cheater. There ARE people that change, but this largely depends on exactly WHY with WHOM and under WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES that person cheated on you. If it was on a drunk night out with friends, where he was so wasted and he was angry with you, then its understandable, and he will probably never do it again. If the person he cheated with was a friend or co-worker, however, and he got with her when he was sober and able to think clearly and when everything between you and him was going great, chances are this guy is just a player and will behave this way when you are not around. This type of person will always cheat, no matter how great his current relationship is or how much he claims to "love" his girlfriend.
So, my advice to you would be to carefully analyze his motives in cheating - was is really just an accidental situation or was this something that you think could easily happen again? Since you have decided to forgive him, I suggest you give him another chance - but you have to make it clear that the trust in your relationship has been greatly affected by his infidelity and he will need to call more often and prove to you that what he did was truly a mistake. By giving him another chance, you are letting him know that you still want to trust him - and he should give you reason to. Saying sorry will not do it. With this new critical time in your relationship, I suggest you postpone the wedding for a WHILE so that you do not marry someone you may not completely know. And if you DO catch him cheating again, then leave him. If there is barely an excuse for one time, there IS NO EXCUSE for a second one. Best Wishes and Good Luck

Answer 3

i cheated a year ago on my boyfriend that i have been with now for 2 1/2 years. no, not once a cheater always a cheater. i am only 17 years old and was drunk when i cheated. not an excuse at all. but i would have never cheated if i were sober. i would never do it agian in my life. i hurt the once person that really matters in my life and the person i am going to spend the rest of my life with. if he learned his lesson thats good. if he didnt then rethink it

Answer 4

ok, about your question "once a cheater, always a cheater?". I somewhat agree with this because once a guy/girl cheats, they may think that it is ok to do it again because they got away with it the first time. But on the otherhand I don't believe this line because once someone has cheated and ruined a relationship, they may have learned their lesson

Answer 5

I wouldn't say that. About 10 years ago I cheated on someone, felt like s*** for so long that I vowed never to do it again, and I have held true to my promise.

Cheating is pretty much like smoking pot. You may try it once and not like it, that doesn't make you a junkie.

I say twice a cheater, always a cheater.

Good luck, I really hope it works out for you two.

Answer 6

First of all, it was good of him to finally tell you instead of finding out from someone else. It was a step in the right direction. Him coming clean about his faults should mean that he is less likely to do it again, he knows he was wrong, so now its time to heal. Your decision to stay is the hardest one to choose because you have to live everyday thinking about what he has done. Your heart and trust have been broken, so he needs to understand that its going to take awhile for you to get over it. Maybe you guys should go to couples counseling before you get married and postpone the wedding until you are sure.

Answer 7

Get some pre-marital counseling.

Once a cheater always a cheater....until the cheater finds out why he/she cheats.

Answer 8

i'd disagree, some ppl r born to be cheaters, some ppl r not.
however, even the ones who do not cheat do occasionally feel the odd itch and may just cheat a little bit. if they have seen their errant ways n have decided to turn around, it might be worth while giving them another chance, n only if they cheat again, thats it.

Answer 9

You know the old saying "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me."
Never trust a cheater. If he's lied about this hes lied about other things. A marriage can not work without trust.

Answer 10

Once a cheater, always a cheater