my sister is 28 and still a virgin. she finally found the perfect man.they are in love and are ''waiting'' for marriage. she is christian and he is '' church of christ'' he says she is going to hell because she is a karate instructor,he believes women are not athourity figures in a place of worship. at her karate school she plays christian music so thats considered a place of worship. she has gave in and gone to his church but after getting told time after time she will go to hell she quit going.he refuses to go to her church.she wants so bad to marry him and hopes he can change .could it work if he goes to his own church-and she continue going to hers???or will theyre children be affected by his views????if they have any....or should they break up and go seperate ways???
2007-05-31 10:20:16 · 31 answers · asked by gringayque 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Too bad this man places more importance on what he does instead of what Jesus did for his salvation. Read Romans.
Belonging to Jesus is a relationship not a set of laws, rules and legalisms.
The Jewish law told the Jews what not to eat, where to sit, when to wash their hands, that they must be circumsized and many other laws. Jesus came to fulfill those laws. Now there is freedom in Christ. He tells us to love God with all of our hearts, minds and souls and to love others as ourselves. He tells us that all of the laws and the Ten Commandments are summed up with these two commandments.
I was once a member of that sect of Christianity. We were not allowed to use musical instruments in the worship service. I have since learned that my whole life is a worship service not just at that building.
In answer to your question about the children. Yes they will be affected by his views. Unless he can come to the realization that it is all about Jesus and not rules, she should cousider leaving the relationship.
I wish I could talk with him!!!!!
2007-05-31 10:47:44 · answer #1 · answered by 4HIM- Christians love 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's be real, any place you chose to worship in is a place of worship. So, following that thought, what happens when they have children? They will obviously pray and worship in their home, so therefore it becomes a place of worship, by his standards she should have no authority there, so the children will be able to do as they please. If he requires her to discipline them, then he is going against his own edict. "Church of Christ" is Pentecostal I believe. It is not uncommon to be told by people in a Pentecostal Church that you are going to hell. I have a very good friend who goes to "Church of Christ" and she tells stories of other members causing such fear in new members that they leave and don't come back. One girl was told that she doesn't love God enough, and that is why she couldn't speak in tongues. If he continues to go there, she should find somebody new, or they will clash often on this.
2007-05-31 10:29:33 · answer #2 · answered by jimmattcait 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To you first question, yes, religion does matter depending on how much it matters to the people involved in the relationship. If someone is a very faithful Muslim, they will want to date someone that understands their faith and respects them and would agree to raise their children in the Muslim faith. If someone is Christian, the same can be said. I am a Christian. I want to be able to go to the same church as the person I am going to marry, and I want to raise my children in that church. I don't want to argue with someone about how to raise kids. I want to agree. In your sister's case, I do not think that the relationship will work. Marrying someone isn't going to change them. Staying with them longer isn't going to change them. If he believes as he does right now, he will stay with those beliefs. His desire will be to raise his children in that manner. He isn't someone that enjoys compromise. He doesn't want to attend her church. He wouldn't allow his children to attend anything but his church. By saying she is not even a Christian and headed to hell, then he is very disrespectful towards your sister. That isn't love. If he tells her that, there is a chance that he can teach his children the same and they will all turn on their own mother.
I dated a man that went to a different church. He was catholic. He told me one day a statement that sealed the end of the relationship for me. He said, "When we get married..." Keep in mind that he hadn't asked me my opinion about getting married. There was no if for him. I was his property. "When we get married, my children...(notice that they are HIS kids and not ours or mine)...will be catholic. I don't care what you do, but MY children will be right." The man you are describing sounds a great deal like my ex. My relationship didn't last and it left me with a great deal of pain. What is going on is emotional abuse. Your sister is worth so much more than that. They need to break up and she needs to take some time and heal from this relationship. I hope that she gets out of it. This is abusive behavior.
2007-05-31 17:19:56 · answer #3 · answered by One Odd Duck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bible says that we should be equally yoked in marriage. Sounds like this church, guy has alot of views that are not really biblically based. If it is causing them problems before marriage, then it will be a huge problem after they are married. And all the married people said "AMEN"!!
2007-05-31 10:37:25 · answer #4 · answered by connie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His undestanding of things will cause great friction if she does not agree with his assessment of Christian life.
Anyone who considers his congregation the one and only should repent. If she is going to a Bible believing, Gospel preaching, life giving church then shame on him for the way he looks down on it and her.
This is not a good foundation for a relationship, much less a marriage. She should tell him to go on his way. If I knew him, I would certainly tell him to find someone "of his own kind". Tell your sister her life is fine and that she does not need some uptight, overzealous character to change her to his nearly-cult life.
2007-05-31 10:38:02 · answer #5 · answered by TroothBTold 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting points of views going on there. The main problem is a lack of respect for her profession and position. This will not change in marriage, it will most likely grow worse with much resentment on both sides.
Better she find someone who truly loves her and is not a control freak.
P.S. It is God who gives a woman (or man) a leadership position..if a person objects to this...they should take it up with him.
2007-05-31 10:25:50 · answer #6 · answered by Eartha Q 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
They need to get this worked out NOW--personally I wouldn't even date a man who told me I was going to hell. He may be sincere in his beliefs, but he's being disrespectful. Love is a wonderful thing, but religious differences can make for a miserable life together. If he won't change now, before they marry, he won't change after & he may be more verbally abusive after they marry. He's not the only man in the world. Sis needs to get a grip.
2007-05-31 10:31:51 · answer #7 · answered by wanda3s48 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The Bible says that a couple should not be unevanly yoked. I feel that his views are a little messed up. I think that she should stand her ground on the issue because the Bible doesn't give enough evidence to show that women shouldn't be ministers. What the outcome of this is will show what kind of couple they will be.
2007-05-31 10:26:43 · answer #8 · answered by Joel 2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The answer is in your post. Your sister is ALREADY having arguments, hurt feelings, and developing insecurities in herself and her beliefs from just "dating" this man. And her being single and not legally his to lead and direct as her husband is probably the only thing that protected her from being pounded into the ground verbally by this man.
She can NOT change him. It will NOT get better with marriage. If anything it will get WORSE.
Children born into this verbal tug of war will be devestated by this battle and will become pawns and casualties of their parents war.
She should not only break up with this man...she should RUN!
2007-05-31 10:31:08 · answer #9 · answered by faith 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think your sister's "perfect man" is actually a deluded and misogynistic religious fanatic who tries to control women with idle threats.
Good luck. If your sibling removes the rose-colored glasses, she may still have a chance to preserve the career, happiness, and self-confidence. Toxic people don't build good relationships, and most of them won't change--Especially if they have their spouse under their complete control.
Does a loving man tell his girlfriend that she will burn for being female and using her brain? Or doing something she loves?
2007-05-31 10:26:55 · answer #10 · answered by Dalarus 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋