I need help with my poem?

Question

This poem is about self relience- it needs more figurative language and the rhyme scheme needs to be fixed. Can someone attempt to fix theese problems and others in the poem.

Thank You-


"The Path of Life"

There are many paths in life to take
That lead you to places unknown
It is up to you to determine your fate,
Without someone else deciding your own.

Do not let persuasions of others overcome you,
Fight them off one by one;
Clear your thoughts and your mind,
Remember, you are the only one who can decide.

There may be times where you feel alone,
Like no one is on your side;
Echoes of other’s opinions scramble in your head,
But your true distinction will soon be shown.

When it comes to deciding on which path you take,
Your mind is already made up;
Even if your path is different from the rest,
You will have confidence in your decision,
Knowing it was your own and the best.

Answer 1

Well, I probably won't be too good at this, but I can try :) I'll put changes in capitals to what I would say, but you can always change it later if you want. :)

There are many paths in life to take
That lead (deleted "you") to places unknown
It is up to you to determine your fate,
AND YOU MUST DO IT ON YOUR own.

Do not let persuasions (delete "of others") overcome you,
Fight them off one by one;
Clear your thoughts and (delete "your") mind,
Remember, YOU'RE (I don't know if you are allowed to to this, short form of you are, but the sentance is too long...) the only one who can decide.

There may be times where you feel alone,
Like no one is on your side;
Echoes of other’s opinions scramble in your head,
But your true distinction will soon be shown.
(The rhyming in this is different than that of the rest of the poem ... so you can maybe try put it in a different order.)

When it comes to deciding UPON which path TO take,
Your mind is already made up;
Even if your path is different from the rest,
You will have confidence in your decision,
KNOWING YOU DIDN'T LETUP.
(This last line needed to rhyme with up, and that's all I could think of...sorry :()

I hope I could help a little, I'm not that great at poetry, but I was actually trying to write a poem earlier today :) I'm not too great at finding rhyming words. I hope you have fun writing! :)

Answer 2

If you take what you have written out of verse form and write it as a letter, you will understand that this is not a poem. Just because something rhymes does not make it a poem. And while you're at it, look up the word "meter," not your electric one, but the poetic device.

Answer 3

great poem. i used to write poetry religiously. but now i still write it- i write it with actions and other things now. i mentor and teach people things.

i like your set up, but i got a little but distrubed on line 5-8...
check this out

a-me
b-you
a-see
b-do

c-why
d-tear
c-try
d-near

e-soon
f-gone
e-noon
f-dawn

this set up is called a sonnet. i feel that your style of poetry revolves around the sonnet. here is what i do. go to this link, http://rhyme.poetry.com/ for rhyme help, and
http://poetry.com/ to display your poetry on the web.