I just got out of a relationship (10 year) and I met someone that I do really love or at least think that I love? however I am always looking at men, and in the way that you should only look at your man if you know what I mean... He does really nice things for me and I appreciate them, but there is something that is holding me back, is it because I moved too fast... My x left me 8 months ago and I have been seeing my new BF for 3 mo now... I still think about my x, but I want to move on... am I ready to move on and be with someone or should I date? I have never been alone, and I hate the feeling of being alone, but I am not sure I am ready to move on with my BF... He is crazy about me and has already talked about moving in together, when do you know it is the time? WHAT DO I DO.. is he a rebound or is he the one for me how do you tell, is there any tests to take... I NEED HELP!!
2007-05-31 08:15:11 · 19 answers · asked by Jessica 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
From the sounds of it, you still have a lot of healing to do...and although you hate being alone, you need to be comfortable being alone and not having thoughts of missing your ex BEFORE dating someone else....enjoy being you and hanging out with friends...and finding yourself again. We all tend to lose some of our own personality when in long term relationships! Find what makes YOU happy again...and then and only then will you know what it is in another person that makes you happy!
Your bf may be a great guy, but if you just don't feel the chemistry then it's not going to work. Maybe he is the right guy, but it's just not the right time for you! Think about remaining friends with him and even dating on occassion, but hold off on moving in with him untitl you've closed the door on all unresolved feelings for your ex and can definately determine whether there is still an atrraction and feelings between you and this new guy!
2007-05-31 08:26:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait, wait wait, slow down. You are moving way too fast here. You just got out of a 10 year relationship and you have a boyfriend of 3 months that you are not sure you like. Slow down. I think that you moved to fast. I understand you don't want to be alone and you don't (or didn't) have to be. But after 10 years of dating one person, I feel there should be some "me time". I suggest that you first slow down and date. Maybe you should tell your current boyfriend that you feel that you moved to fast into the relationship and you all need to date first before being called girlfriend/boyfriend.
Another thing, please do not move this guy in. You all have only known each other for a very short period (3 months is not lone at all). Be friends first, get to know each other and let other thing follow. But by all means, please find out what you really want in a relationship before jumping into one. Good Luck.
2007-05-31 08:27:23 · answer #2 · answered by Who me? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! It sounds like you are using this guy for a rebound. You need to feel comfortable with being alone. I say this from a man's point of view. Men can smell when women are vunerable and got to have a man. Once he smells this, he can take advantage of you. Yeah, he can be nice to you and give you all the things and attention you want but once he knows you are "hard up" for a man, he can surely take advantage of you. One thing that turns a man on is a woman who is confident in herself and don't need a man to define who she is. Looking at your post, you lack confidence (as far as relationships) because you have to have a boyfriend
to define who you are.
To answer your question, first you did move to fast. You was in a relationship for 10 years and you never had time to heal from it. I am not saying walk around with your head down but give yourself some time to digest and determine what is best for you (alone).
I wouldn't recommend that you move this guy in because you all just met. It doesn't make sense to move someone in you just met. Not only that, you do not really love this guy so why move him in. Don't fool yourself or him, be smarter than that and don't move in together.
Yes you do need help because you appear to be desperate (no offense). I think you and this guy need to date and gradually become more than friends if necessary. I also recommend that you (and him) see other people. It is obvious that you moved really fast and you should tell him this so that he can determine if he wants to stick around or not.
2007-05-31 08:44:16 · answer #3 · answered by stergre1975 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! take it easy for a moment. deep breath. let it out.
ok, on we go. 10 years is a very long time and 5 months out of it is way to early to be getting into a committed relationship again. he probably is a rebound but i could be wrong. he may be perfect for you but there is no way to know until you give it a chance to see. being alone is not easy at all if you are used to having a special person in your life. be fair to yourself and to him. take a step back and evaluate the situation. it will hurt the both of you if it really doesn't work and you'll have it that much harder this time knowing you had two relationships in a row that didn't work. try telling him about your feelings, if he's that crazy about you he will understand and try to help anyway he can. do not move in together!!!!!not yet anyway.... figure this out before you jump in head first. it may look calm and deep on the surface but it may just be a puddle and you may end up being scarred for life.
2007-05-31 08:24:40 · answer #4 · answered by prof56 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jessica you miss your ex and when you go out you are still trying to find that someone that reminds you of him, but you should try to take some time off of any relationship and find yourself again. Men do come and go, and love does hurt, but don't beat yourself for anyone. This guy you are seeing sounds like a great person, but sounds like lust to me and not love. Let him know exactly what your feeling and if he is that good of a guy he will understand, maybe he will keep being just a friend till the time is right for you. Don't be scared to be alone, after 10 yrs, feel content with yourself first and except that the one you love is gone, and it's time to move on.
wish you all the best, because I know love is hard to let go.
2007-05-31 08:23:54 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's you problem " NEVER BEEN ALONE". You need to be single first, deal with your feelings for you ex and then just date. You jumped into a relationship too fast and you are not ready for a serious one yet. You are not being fair to this new guy.
I suggest you do some soul searching here. You are not ready to be involved when you still think of you ex. Try to get some time out with him and go for a short break. visit a relative or freind and see how you feel then.
2007-05-31 08:19:42 · answer #6 · answered by SG GAL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like everyone else said, you moved too fast in this relationship. If you loved and cared about your new bf, you would not have to ask this question.
I suggest that you stop fooling yourself, stop playing with this guy's feelings and emotions and give yourself time. You are still hurt from your x and you still love him. Stop wasting this man's time.
Think about it, how would you feel if you met a man you really liked that was using you to get back at his x?
2007-05-31 08:53:43 · answer #7 · answered by Shay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you just need to date and play the Field for a time. I know what you mean about the alone thing but it might be good for you to just get out there for a time and get to know people before you get serious again. He maybe a rebound or a security blanket of sorts and you think you care allot about him because you are still sore. I think you should date for awhile. Good luck :)
2007-05-31 08:23:02 · answer #8 · answered by ♥ Nikkee D ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10 years and then 8months later your in a relationship. Girl know go head and mingel you curious of whats really out there don't get held down like that again without exploring different options. Oh but if your not used to being alone hold out and find yourself. "Never fall so in love that you lost your on identity" Not saying you have but do a reality check and make sure you do know who you are k.
2007-05-31 08:21:51 · answer #9 · answered by lovely_ms_t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just so you know, love doesn't turn off attraction. You can be 100% head over heels for someone and still be attracted to others.
And thats just with a traditional outlook on relationships. Polyamorists are people who are capable of having open, loving relationships with more than one person at a time. Not everyone can do this, and even those who can do not always embrace it.
Whatever your outlook, you will always be physically attracted to people who are physically attractive. Love won't change that.
2007-05-31 08:20:06 · answer #10 · answered by smashcruiserarc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋