How do i deal with the fact that my family do not love me?

Question

I dont want to go into detail, but i know 100% that they do not have feelings for me, and i cannot blame them as i was a terror when i was a teenager, and put them trough some horrible times.

I know that i deserve nothing better, but their behaviour really upsets me...and all i want to know is how i deal with it.

And before anyone says anything, i have been told by 2 members of the family that i am correct in thinkiong that they dont love me.
How do i move on?

I have apologised to them all, and suggested family therpy, but they are not interested, they are not into therapy, thats what they said.
I am truly sorry for the hurt i caused, but i am a 27 year old women with 2 kids now, and have tried everything to try and amend our rift, but all has failed, hence the reason i just want to move on and accept that i am not loved.

Answer 1

I know it might sound strange, but it doesn't matter if people don't love you.
You are an individual person with freewill and you can decide to love people, hate them or ignore them.
They are also individual people and they have a right to think and act in the way that they think is appropriate.
We are conditioned by society and religion to think in certain ways but we don't have to!
I think you are nearly there, you just need to shrug you shoulders, put it down to experience and get on with life.
Love yourself, your children and your friends. Love your family if you want to, but don't get hung up about it if they don't respond. What has happened has happened, life moves on regardless.
Recognise you are a special unique person, and though it is great if everyone loves you, you can still have a great life with your children even if no one else does love you; which is highly unlikely. Be strong and love freely without any conditions or you could fall into the same trap as your family.

Answer 2

Firstly those so called other family members should be ashamed of themselves for saying such a thing to you...that your family don;t love you!!!! That is disgraceful. Many teenagers are hard to deal with when they are going through what i call the "growing up Phase"...it's normal....some teenagers are worse than others.
However you do deserve to be loved and I'm sure you are loved. It seems that some of your family could be saying these hurtful things to you in the heat of the moment?
I would suggest you talk to your family and tell them how you realise you put them through a rough time BUT that you have learnt from your mistakes and that you are deeply sorry..say you want to feel loved again and that you don;t feel loved...take it from there....

Just read your second bit of info
I am sad that they wont give you a chance BUT you have tried all you can..to no real avail. They may change their mind..or they may not.
Now your priority has to be for yourself and your family. Br rest assured that you have tried to heal the rift...they said no not you. Move on by accepting there is no more you can do but do seek counselling for yourself as that will help you to explore the issues you had with your family. It will also help you to move on with your life.Good Luck

Answer 3

It's incredible that your family doesn't forgive you for what you did when you were a teen. It's really incredible they can't accept everyone makes mistakes.

If you have changed, apologized and made ammends, then you don't have to keep this burden on your shoulders. Yu have a newe life, you're a new person, you hav your own kids. I bet yu'd forgive and love your kids even if they did to you what you did when you were younger. I bet you would forget about the past, wouldn't hold any grudge and would love them dearly anyway. I can't imagine what you can have done in your teen years that could make your family, especially your paretsm stop loving you.

If your parets know you're a decent person, why not forgiving you? It's time you think about yourself. Carry on with your life, give all your love to your kids.

Someday your family will regret being so harsh and unforgiving . What really counts is what goes in your heart and God knows it. God forgave you and trusts you. So, why can'y your family? Parents should always love their kids and and forgive them when they are trully sorry. What you did in your teen years should not be a life sentence, You're diffrenet today.

Carry on with your life, go to therapy to help you. You deserved to be happy, you did what you could, and it's not your fault if they don't forgive you. But I'm sure they still love.

God blees you

Answer 4

i would say, u have to make a change in Yourself and your life. which it sounds you have done to some extent, since u acknowledge ur weakness from the past. it's ok.. people make mistakes!

the thing is, for whatever reasons ur family feels the need to hurt you (perhaps the way they feel you hurt them in the past?), u cannot continue this cycle. if u want to change this, YOU have to be the one that changes. Do not hold grudges against them. forgive them for what they have said and done to you now, and just work on yourself and your happiness. try to be a Postive, Happy, Healthy, Good, Decent Person. that way, it is thru ur hard work and determination that u can gain respect.... if anything, at least ur parents will be able to SEE a difference in the kind of person u are, even if they don't acknowledge it... u cannot force or change Anyone to think the "right" way, or the way you want.. u can only change yourself.

forgive them.... and u break the cycle for urself and ur kids...and hopefully one day they can forgive you.

good luck~

Answer 5

I think your family may still be upset about what you have done in the past, but the best thing to do is talk to them. Explain to them that you are upset by what the 2 members have said. If they don't listen the best thing to do is move on and stay away from them. I know it might be hard, but only do it if you feel the problem really can't be resolved. Good luck and I hope you can get this sorted.

Answer 6

You cannot change someone elses heart. All you can do is sincerely apologize and dont expect forgiveness. Only time can tell if they will. From this day forward do the right thing, be there for them and continue with your life. Remember God sees whats in our heart, you do your part if they don't forgive then they will have to answer when judgement day comes. If you can go to a elderly home, be a adopted granddaughter, niece to some there who can use a friendly face or someone to talk to. You be surprise what other family you can inherit.

Answer 7

I think that they probably do love you but don't love what you have done. You haven't gone into details, which is understandable, but it does make people think of really bad things that you could have done. If you have broken their trust, why not start by trying to get that back. Show them that you are now a responsible mature adult. It could be really small things like not forgetting birthdays and anniversaries. Send cards and flowers for example. Try not to be too excessive about it though as it could look creepy! If you have really changed, they will see that and will eventually come around. It could take some time though. good luck!

Answer 8

So-- they could see how salvation has replaced you, and they nevertheless do not believe? exciting. What HAS replaced about you? Are you more beneficial compassionate? a lot less worldly? more beneficial fascinated contained in the welfare of the undesirable, the outcaste and the stranger? Or do you perchance pontificate the guidelines of "salvation" at people like a Pharisee? Any dimestore psychiatrist, beat cop, lunchroom counsellor or minister with a credit for Pastoral Care one 0 one can inform you, you may not "change" everyone. the purely thanks to "prepare" someone a more beneficial ideal way is to exemplify it. in the adventure that your life-style isn't convincing everyone to question their own assumptions, then you've someone more beneficial major to artwork on than them. Christianity isn't a club that you connect by utilising making the right occupation, praying the right prayers, understanding the secret handshake. that's a dedication to construction the dominion of God. it truly is not any longer basically filling the roster with recruits, this is actual attempting to stay more beneficial like Jesus, bringing God's love and justice to the lives of the hopeless and helpless, and tricky the efficient with actuality. Preaching is basically communicate. God prefers fruit, action. in case you sense in charge for no longer "replacing" your relations, you possibly have not given them adequate reason to guage it.

Answer 9

JESUS YOU MUST OF BEEN A NIGHT MERE your going to have to get on with your life without them for your kids sake start fresh some where else I'm sorry you feel like this but your a big girl now look after your kids which is the most important good luck

Answer 10

You are asking for forgivness! but can you forgive yourself ?because only then you will understand that you are reaping what you sowed all those years ago, you have to understand that a lot people have been harmed by your selfishness and bad behaviour, people who once loved you. It is time to realise your position and make plans to, in some way, compensate for your wrong doings, seek help if need be, but move on you must!