I have been a step-mum for 7 years now, and I'm now a mum myself. recently I have been baffled & hurt by my eldest step-daughters (aged 10) behaviour. I spend every weekend with them (the other is 9) and have jointly had responsibility for them with my partner while they are in our care. One minute she says I am fun, she loves me, can she pretend I am their Mum... next she 'hates' me and refeuses to come around again. It's not personal, she says she hates her Dad when she is in this mood too. It might take 2 weeks for her to snap out of it.
It is tough being Mum to someone elses children, no matter what people say, it is impossible to give them unconditional love like you do your own children. I want to keep our relationship good for eveyones sake, theirs, their Dad's, my daughters... but I feel so frustrated as no-one knows why she is like this. She has known me since she was 3 and doesn't even remember her Mum & Dad living together, so I don't think it's traditional resentment.
2007-05-31 08:09:02 · 9 answers · asked by clairequitecontrary 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are such a lovely and caring women to care enough about your step daughter to worry about it.
I really dont know what to suggest, but could it be something to do with her age, or is her mum saying things about you to her?
2007-05-31 08:14:51 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as kids get older they ask questions about why mum and dad arnt together anymore . some mums like to paint the picture that the step mum fault she has your dad so they don't get the blame and put it all on dad. you need to show her and talk with her dad why they arnt together and your not the bad person in her life you love her and always will . tell her you know she has her mum and dad you just want to be part of her life and love her too. also when you have a child together the jealous monster comes out make her be really involved in the family unit . the eldest child will be starting to have changes in her body too
2007-05-31 17:41:04 · answer #2 · answered by KATRINA S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. You're one top-flight gal.
When stepdaughter gets into one of her moods, about all you can say is "That's too bad you feel that way. I don't think I've done anything to make you hate me - but that's your choice."
You also have every right to ask "What has upset you so?" and if the concern is legitimate in your eyes, then say you're sorry for dropping her hair ribbon on the floor.
And it could just be a phase she's going through - Not a fun stage - but a stage nonetheless. And there's nothing you can do but be patient and loving.
Do remind her how much fun she is to be around when she is in one of her pleasant moods. Darling, I like you when you're in this mood. You're so nice to be around. When you're down, and such, well, I love you but it's harder to understand what's going on...
But you're one first-class gal.
2007-05-31 15:42:13 · answer #3 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds a bit confused and angry to me and perhaps slighty jealous because you and her dad now have your own child. I'm presuming your step-daughters live with their mum and visit at weekends? I think you said it yourself, it's tough being mum to someone else kids. They didn't need you to be thier mum, they have one. I don't doubt you love them and are great with them. Perhaps it would be an idea to sit down and talk with her and see if you can get to bottom of what's upsetting her. That may be an opportunity to explain to the girls that you now have your own child who you have to be mum to but it doesn't mean you love them any less, just reassure them. Hope things work out.
2007-05-31 16:10:10 · answer #4 · answered by moonworshipper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're doing everything you can and then some. Don't blame yourself, I very much doubt it is anything you have done. It just sounds as if she is growing up, pushing the boundaries, maybe playing you and her dad against her mum....the list is endless. Be patient (easier said than done I know!) It'll be a bumpy ride for some years yet - the teenage years are soooo hard. (Trust me, I have two of the monsters!) Always be firm but fair, consistent and loving. Good luck x x x x
2007-05-31 15:16:06 · answer #5 · answered by katieplatie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi my advise is not to worry, youre stepdaughter reminds me a bit of myself and my attitude with my step mother I suddenly got angry because i felt that she wanted to take my mothers place, but what i didnt realise was that she was just treating me like one of her own children, i think you are doing a wonderful job and am really sorry to tell you that as soon as she hits those teenage years shell get worse, my stepmum has been with me since i was 4 i dont remember ever living with my mum but i must admit i was a bit cruel to her but hey now that i have a child of my own we get along really well. Just try and be her friend instead of her mum thats what worked for me
2007-05-31 17:02:47 · answer #6 · answered by Karen P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be because you have the new baby, and daddy has replaced her with another little treasure? It'll be difficult to make it up to her if you're not seeing her, though, so I can only offer my sympathy. My late husbands youngest daughter hated my guts!! I tried, I used to virtually force him to have some contact with her, but always, I was the baddy who stole her daddy away. It's not my fault he'd rather spend time with me than them?! I did try. So, good luck, and I mean that with all my heart because it really does go out to you and your family.
2007-06-02 07:49:49 · answer #7 · answered by Lifeisgreat! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shes just being a child
Dont take it seriously
When she's sulking or having tantrums walk away
only give her attention when there is poistive behaviour from her
Dont worry and enjoy your new baby
2007-06-04 07:33:43 · answer #8 · answered by ~*tigger*~ ** 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is normal, my oldest is 11 and she tells me i hate you, you are the worst mum in the world- she also tells her step dad the same, she is reaching the age of puperty her hormones are everywhere- i just take it with a pinch of salt.
i also had a step mum and i used to say it to her !
2007-05-31 18:14:43 · answer #9 · answered by bmb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋