For the last two days, my husband has done a few things that have made me very upset to the point I wanted us to separate. Just last night I started talking to him and we worked things out. Now he texts me to ask if he can hang out with his friend that moved away and has not seen since Feb, next weekend since he will be coming though. I said yes, but I felt that we needed to spend time working our problems out. He said we have this weekend and all next week. We both work...I also wanted to take our daughter to the zoo next Saturday but he said if I do we should it early or his friend could come. I want it to be a family thing. Am I wrong, controlling, selfish, or stupid for even trying to make this work again? Someone please help, I feel so lost, lonely and we tried counseling but he believes they are out to get your money, that he can fix it all and he seems not listen to what they say he needs to do or improve. He seems to dwell on my imperfections & improvements.
2007-05-31 07:52:57 · 11 answers · asked by Moon 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
honey if I were you I would let him have his friends forever and a day it's hard when they get in that mood that I want my friends all the time mood. When my husband gets into that mood I make sure he and his friend have a lot of friend time together I pack up me and my two little grand babies and we take us a trip up to our cabin in the mountains for a while and when he wants us I move back in with him and I go and be with the girls which are my eight sisters and we have the best time .
2007-05-31 08:03:37 · answer #1 · answered by heavenlli_61 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sure I wont be chosen for best answer for what I'm going to say to you young lady. Your marriage isn't all about you and your child.
You have a husband, he's not your child. Your not his mother. He isn't even someone that needs to do everything You want him to do.
Whats with some women and men that sit and wonder why their husbands or wives wont spend time with them when in turn when they do spend time with them they are myserible.
Maybe I'm wrong but isn't he trying to spend time with his family and also making time for an old friend?
Your being selfish as well as very controlling. Your so deep into your problems you wouldn't see the answer for the hole you've dug for you and him.
When you married him he was the greatest man on earth. Now that you have him you have noticed he has some flaws and you want to fix him for your own good.
If your going to keep digging holes in your marriage why dont you save your self some time and effort and slap your self with the shovel.
What you want to hear is "Get your self a Divorce! It's all the popular thing to do these days isn't it? Life isn't what you thought it was going to be like with him. So, let throw all that you both have work towards down the drain and leave a child with visitations.
I've been married for 27 years to a wonderful man whom just past away with cancer in May. I'd never done to him as you are doing to your self and your husband with your winney cry baby stuff. Life isn't always fair when you have a family. Alot is just what you make of it as a wife, mother and woman. Get tuff and realize no one is perfect and I know its not him and I'm damm sure it isn't you either. God Bless
2007-06-08 05:20:32 · answer #2 · answered by lovie12346 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say it is only for the last 2 days. I personally think you are making a bigger deal than it is if that is the case.
Let him go out with his friend. Give him space. You can will have many weekends together to share. A man needs his space, if you asked are you go controlling, then that just might be the problem. He might be feeling, that you are becoming a pain in the butt.
I once suggested my son to get a cell phone for him and his wife for her birthday. He said he didn't want to, cause she will always be calling him. Finally he did end up getting her one. A couple of weeks later, he picked me up from my home to go to him for the weekend. We were stuck in traffic. He gets a call from his wife on the cell, demanding to know what is taking so long. He told her, and then said to me, "you see that is why I didn't want to have cell phones. Now all she does all the time is keep tabs on me. To solve that problem, he now leaves his cell home, or keeps it off when he does not want to be bothered by her.
Just gave you food for thought.
2007-06-08 04:06:18 · answer #3 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't call you crazy or controlling, just missing your man. One thing about marriage is it is a give and take. so let him have his friend time this weekend and you can both take your daughter to the zoo next weekend, that way he doesn't feel like your trying to keep him from his friend and you get your family time too
2007-06-08 12:22:31 · answer #4 · answered by TANYA C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sound like we have alot in common!!!!!!!
I learned that you can not change anyone, and that the more you try the less they want to change.
So what I did was I got tired of asking him or even begging him to spend time with me, that eventually I stop asking him and I started to do thing with out him.. At first it was kind of hard and he would say to me why did you go here and there when "WE" do it together. I started to ignore him....
He wanted to spend all his time with friend so I started to do the same thing as well to him. I figured since he didn't care about our relationship then why should I. Little by little he started to realize what he was doing and little by little she started changing.
You can;t change a person when they don't want to,, they have to want to change.
I always tell him to not do thing that he doesn't want to him.
And so far it has worked.
Good Luck...
2007-06-07 15:41:40 · answer #5 · answered by Nena 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your never wrong for trying to keep your family together. But maybe some space is needed. Give him what he asks for but make sure that he give you what you need also( as a woman) the time of day. If not then maybe time a part is whats best time to let him see who he is missing out on.
2007-06-06 23:12:41 · answer #6 · answered by Crystal P 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not trying to be very critical of you, but the fact that you said "He texts me to 'ask if he can hang out with his friend'" shows that there may be a little bit of a control thing going on on your side. You're married, which means that you promised each other the rest of your lives. One day with his friend shouldn't make you feel like your marriage is over. Are you afraid to be alone, or do you not trust him away from you? Again, I'm not trying to be mean...I'm only saying this because I used to be that way, too...and now I'm on my second marriage.
2007-05-31 15:07:27 · answer #7 · answered by TruthSeeker 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You may have talked but unless he and you are ready to change it will never work. You guys aren't even on the same page from what it sounds like. You both need to change and grow together or maybe it would be better apart.
2007-06-04 22:34:08 · answer #8 · answered by anitf26 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
anything worth saving for is worth fighting for!!!!!!i would let him go with his friends,you can not fix your problems overnight or even over a week or two.let him go and you will have time to think while he is gone.do something else with your daughter when he is gone and go to the zoo the next week end. good luck!!!
2007-06-07 07:05:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
if thats the worse of your problems--count your blessings
2007-06-08 14:47:43 · answer #10 · answered by slopoke6968 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋