I am moving in with my boyfriend at the end of June, we have been together 5 years. I'm 28, he's 34, we get along really well, hardly fight, and always work out our problems except for now. Five months ago, there was a situation with his neighbor, who is about 24. She knew he had a girlfriend, and she had a boyfriend. She sent him alot of texts of how she wanted to "do" him, how she had the house and kid and now wanted a husband and wanted it to be him. She didn't want to accept he loved me and told him to try and get rid of me, which of course he didn't. She also threatened him, and tried to get him in trouble with the cops. She said she'd move (at the time) but never did.
The houses are very close together where he lives. Now that I am moving in, he wants me to let bygones be bygones and be friends w/ her. I hate that he still talks to her, and I have NO intention of trying to be her friend because of what she did. Am I overreacting? How do I handle this? I hate arguing w/ him!
2007-05-31 06:24:59 · 21 answers · asked by Very Confused 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He did NOT do anything with her. He gave her his number initially if she needed any help (being a single mom). He just tried to be a good neighbor, he is a friendly person. This is normal for him because he likes to help people. Then she took advantage of that and then it got out of hand. He was not friends with her before he dated me. She only moved in there less than a year ago. I don't want this to come between us. He can't understand why I can't get over it. I don't trust her and never can.
2007-05-31 06:43:39 · update #1
She needs to back off. You need to try and be civil. BUT you will never be friends with her. Girls are territorial and when someone trys to get in our way we never let that go. As girls we have to "piss on our man's leg" and show the other chick that you are the "alfa" female in his life. Moving in will help things get a little more sorted out. But keep an eye on her and just try to let it go. If anything even try to fake being her friends tokeep you enemy close enough to watch.
He needs to understand the situationis now tainted and you wont be her freind tho and keep his guard up for when she does something to set you off again. that way he can step in and show his support on your side
2007-05-31 06:30:19 · answer #1 · answered by xxkittenluvxx143 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bygones my ***. !!! Your not overreacting. Honey you have the right idea, and sorry, naw don't be her friend. She sounds phycho too. The best thing you all can do is move. She's definitely going to be a problem. She wants what you got. You also need to have a long....... talk with your man. If he has all his ducks in a row meaning telling her she has to respect you and she's just a neighbor and chill out it should be cool, but he wants you to be her friend? I don't think so. Men are always so stupid when it comes to things like this. Tell him to put the hole situation on the other foot. The whole scenario!! I know he wouldn't want another man mentioning all that lovey dovey stuff to you. Now would he? Nope.I bet he will feel you then. REAL TALK !!!!! And another thing don't let her ever see you sweat. If she thinks you think she's not a threat she just might sit her *** down somewhere.
2007-05-31 13:51:03 · answer #2 · answered by Mee Mee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just out of curiousity...how did she get his number in the first place?
The biggest mistake in these situations is to blame the other woman...Sure she is an immoral loser to do what she is doing (going after a taken man), but if your bf wasn't encouraging her, then none of this would be a problem.
That being said, you have a choice to make, let bygones by bygones and move in....or stay where you are. But if you move in, don't bring old angers with you. Living together is hard enough. In my opinion, since he wants you to live with him, that is at least SOME grounds for trust, but if it really bothers you, sit him down and talk. Let him know that, while you don't care for pursuing friendship with the girl, that you can retain "civility". After all, you have him, she doesn't...but if he was friends with her prior to meeting you, then you really have no say in the issue.
Personally, I think you two just need to talk, calmly, without getting pissy or emotional. If you can't do that, then you really shouldn't be living together....
2007-05-31 13:33:30 · answer #3 · answered by Holly 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off he sounds like a great guy... He turned down a guaranteed piece of .... (you know)... even after being away from you for 5 years granted you two have your weekend and other free time.. together time... But, this could have been a side relief..... for when you have been apart for to long... But, he didn't he turned her down they both let it be and forgot the past... The fact that they are friends show maturity on both of there parts and all will be forgiven.... Let the past be the past.... If you are finally living there full time she will see he is into you totally and will respect that... If she does try anything... she's got guts... But, Now you can be mad at her...
2007-05-31 13:34:50 · answer #4 · answered by Jamie H 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1. Don't move in with him until you're married. Make him commit FIRST then you can move in. What is he waiting for? After 5 years he should know. He's 34 yrs old for goodness sake.
2. I would be surprised if he didn't cheat with the other woman already.
3. Sounds like you deserve better than him. Go find a new and improved man.
2007-05-31 13:32:35 · answer #5 · answered by Mark Asbell 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not overreacting at all. I'm pretty sure that the situation he is putting you in is very uncomfortable. It sounds to me like you have already talked this through, so you can do one of two things:
-Continue to let him know how you feel (uncomfortable, hurt, scared, etc) until hopefully he comes around. Tell him to try to put himself in your shoes and see how he would feel in your situation.
-or-
-Talk to her and kill it with kindness. People hate when they are mean to you but you are nice back. By being super nice to her, your actually making yourself the better person and I'm pretty sure your bf will really admire you for it too. It would be hard, but it sounds to me like your running out of ideas. It would show that you are the bigger person.
If all else fails, get a restraining order. I don't understand why he would want to talk to someone that threatened him.
2007-05-31 13:32:49 · answer #6 · answered by HBomb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO you don't have to be her friend! Why would he want you to be her friend anyway? She sounds like a looney stalker-type person. I wouldn't go out of your way to make things harder between the two of you, but I wouldn't be sitting down for coffee with her, either.
Sounds to me like he's asking for trouble by even still talking to her. And if it bothers you, then it's not appropriate at all. Counter his suggestion that the two of you become friends by asking him to end his seemingly inappropriate relationship with her. As long as they're talking, something could happen with either him, or between the two of you. Maybe he likes the extra attention, because he's leading her on by talking to her if nothing's happening. I have doubts that nothing's going on, anyway.
Whatever it is, settle it before you move in. It will cause nothing but stress between you.
2007-05-31 13:30:52 · answer #7 · answered by misguidedrose18 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a tough situation. No easy answers, but I'd say your BF has a point that it is always better to try and get along with neighbors than to be fighting with them. If you are at war with your neighbors, your homelife will always be uncomfortable. You don't have to be pals with her and invite her to dinner, but maybe you can just agree to tolerate her, and agree on a plan to do so with your BF. Good Luck.
2007-05-31 13:30:06 · answer #8 · answered by JeffyB 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your relationship with this man is on the next level then I would let him in on how you feel discuss with him of your discomfort and that you feel any relationship you have with anyone will have to include some form of trust and you don't feel that you can trust her and that its not that you are refusing to be her friend but if he truly does love you then he wont allow you to feel guilty about your discomfort. If she has tried to come between you once whats to stop her from doing it again.
2007-05-31 13:36:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't have to be her friend. just be pleasant around her...it will make it better in the long run for you and your bf as well as the whole neighbor situation. this is not one of those things thats worth arguing over. accept that he loves you and wouldn't do anything to hurt you and be proud of him for resisting her temptations. if he feels that the situation is not worth makign a big deal over then don't because it will only tear you and your bf apart.
2007-05-31 13:29:49 · answer #10 · answered by kestrelk8 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋