How to handle a child (2.5) when they show tantrums in public?

Question

I have a two and a half year old daughter and she throws tantrums when we go out in public if she doesn't get what she wants. I know how we raised her up to now has something to do with it but at the moment she is throwing a fit, do you:
1) pick her up and leave -she cries lowder
2) do you try to reason with her - she say's no
3) do you get your tone of voice change to-being upset

suggestions?

Answer 1

Well-at this age-this is fairly normal. When are you out? If you go at times that cut into her naps, snacks, meals, or bedtime then she is going to be a lot easier to upset. Work around their schedule, don't work against it.

How is her communication level? Toddlers anger quickly because they can't express themselves. She may point in a direction and ask a question that you don't get-when she doesn't get a good answer, she gets mad. She tried to tell you, you didn't listen-instant anger. I know that it isn't that easy, but to a toddler it sure is. Maybe she doesn't want the item, but just wants to see it or ask about it. The "no" is because kids hear the word a lot directed at them, it is a little attempt to assert power to tell you no.

In the middle of a fit, there isn't much you can do. The child is past the point of return and is mad, frustrated, and can't communicate. It is best to say tell them "I see you are angry, we will leave now and come back another time". If you are getting signals before it gets that far try to avoid the problem. Get on the child's level and ask them "are you... (hungry, thirsty, wet, sleepy)" and let them answer you. If she says she is hungry then get a snack-don't try to explain when a snack will occur, just get one. And don't expect more than a child can really do. At this age, she isn't going to sit for an hour for a nice lunch so don't try, instead go someplace she can eat and get down and run a bit.

And just keep in mind that most people with kids have been in your hot, sweaty shoes:) A kid in melt down tends to make us feel like everyone is looking and thinking we are not good parents. Honestly they are likely thinking "I remember those days". Take a deep breath and try to stay calm.

Answer 2

I know what you mean! It's not an all the time thing for us, but it does happen. I've gone through the not-wanting-to-sit-in-the-cart and not behaving enough to walk alone phase, and also the yelling in the store. You can try to reason with her, like if we're in the store and she's mad about something, I find something for her to do that makes her happy, like helping with something easy. If that doesn't work and she's still having a fit, your best bet is leaving. Even if she cries louder, at least it's not disrupting anyone else after you leave. And she will know you mean business and eventually she'll get over it. My daughter did that with the carseat a few times. Threw a fit and wouldn't sit, but finally gave up and sat and just cried louder until she got over it. If you are trying to change things with the way you've raised her so far, continue. It's better to start now than to continue with doing what you feel isn't right. She is able to learn new ways and new rules, if you are consistent and patient.

Answer 3

Before you go into the store, have a little talk and remind her what you expect of her, and tell her NOW that you will not be buying toys, candy, whatever she goes after. Be very firm and business like. I resorted to promising a reasonable reward afterwards for good behavior, and reminded of the punishment for tantrums and WHINING, which is just another form of the same attitude. I would say something like "If you try having a tantrum I will be VERY MAD and you know what that means (I saved my "angry face" for special occasions), I will drag you out by the arm, and you will go home and there will be nothing to eat at home because the groceries will still be in the cart." "If you are good we will stop at the park and you can play on the swings or feed the ducks, or stop and watch the trains on the tracks, " or something else he reallly liked doing. With this approach, he NEVER ever had another tantrum and also did not try whining any more either.

Answer 4

I know it's embarrrasing to be with a screaming toddler but I just try to keep going as if my son is not having a tantrum. If he's on the floor or whatever, I sometimes tell him I'm going to go without him and make like I'm about to leave. If he's in a shopping cart I just carry on and pretend I can't hear him.
I NEVER give him the thing he's having a tantrum about.
He's 2 1/2 now and almost never has tantrums any more because he knows they don't work.

Answer 5

If it's a full-blown tantrum, she'll get over it in from 3 to 4 minutes and be too exhausted to continue. Let her run it's course, then, without changing your voice, point out the results of this tantrum.
1, She didn't get what she wanted.
2. She embarrassed herself in front of strangers.
3. Her clothes and hair are a mess, and you're not going to
anything about it. No girl, regardless of her age, will like
this.
Stay away from routine "punishments" such as time-outs and standing in the corner. This is something different and should be handled differently than routine discipline problems.

Answer 6

I have two boys one is 14 months and the other almost 5 so I feel your pain...what we do when the oldest throws a fit in public is no different than when he's at home. We first try to reason with him, if that doesn't work then we take him to the restroom either until he can calm down enough to talk, or he gets a swat..nothing hard, just enough to sting to show him that he better straighten up...don't be afraid to spank your children if that is the usual method used. That is why the society is the way it is these days because people are so worried what others will think...If my child needs to be spanked he will be whether we are in public or not...that is just my advice and believe me when you have 2 boys it can be rough....Good Luck!

Answer 7

I have a 2.5 yr daughter as well. She also likes to get loud if she doesn't get her way or is just in a bad mood.
I do not let her have whatever started the tantrum.
I do ask her what she wants, giving her options that are doable.
If she still doesn't stop then I pick her up with no emotion and I leave.
When she is calm again, I talk to her about how that wasn't nice and when she does that she will not get what she wants.
Its so embarassing when everyone is staring, but I have to stick to my guns, I don't want my daughter to grow up a brat.

Good luck.

Answer 8

I know my mom had 7 kids. She would either 1) drop everything walk out of the store and make us take a nap then go back later that same day or 2) walk away and let me through my tantrum (I would eventually feel dumb and stop). Do whatever you feel is most comfortable.

Answer 9

my 2 year old started the tantrum stuff... you first have to work on it at home... he knows that he can lay down but if he starts kicking and screamin he will get a spankin... in the store... I try to distract him with something else... instead of pitchin a fit for some chips .... try showin her pictures that you have in your purse... who is this... and so forth... but anytime my son starts pitching a fit... I make him calm down before I will even talk to him....and he has to look at me... I put my face kind of close to him and get a stern voice... but not loud... tell him what he is doing wrong and thats not how a big boy acts... I would try to distract her... kids are easily distracted so it shouldn't be that big of a problem

Answer 10

I agree with Queen Bee. You warn her, then leave if she continues. Your behavior needs to be consistent. She will realize that she is not going to get her way and start behaving better. It will not happen overnight. It took her a while to learn how to behave this way, and it will take a while for her to learn to change. Just remember, almost every parent goes through this at one time so just be patient and know that even if the other adults in the store are giving you glaring looks, it's nothing they haven't seen before, most likely in their own kids.