should i not drink alcohol just because my boyfriend can't?

Question

ok so I've been dating my boyfriend for 10 months now. and well he has a drinking problem. Not that he drinks too much but when he does drink he goes crazy. He gets mad at everybody around him and it's caused him to get jumped a few times. anyways he got rough with me a couple times but he's just totally different person when he drinks. He has told me he won't drink anymore because i told him that if he does i'll leave him because he's risking him flipping out and hurting me or someone else. Well I love him very much but I like to go out. I don't go out often probably just once every 2 months or something, and I feel that I don't have a problem with drinking and it's only gonna be so long b4 i can't go out to clubs and stuff so i want to enjoy it. since he would never let me go alone I want him to go but not to drink. Does that make me a *****? I really love him , but when he's been drinking he has hit me, hit other people, got arrested, beat up, and busted my windshield

Answer 1

He's an alcoholic and without getting treatment, he will continue to drink, get drunk and probably start bashing your head in. If you call that love, I feel sorry for you.

Answer 2

You answered your own question when you said he had hit you and the other aggressive acts. Drinking is a symptoms and the negative behaviors only the tip of the iceberg. Next time he could serious harm you, or even kill you. You may love him but this is not the kind of love relationship that has a good outlook.

First, his drink problems will not stop with a promise. Second, he has a serious anger management problem that probably is or will soon surface without the excuse of drinking.

Run to the closest door and don't look back. There are plenty of men you can love and who will love you without all the problems he has.

Answer 3

You drinking or not drinking will not change his problem.
However you giving him an ultimatum is not right either. By doing this you know there will be a time when he does get weak and will drink... what will you do....
The fact that he has been abusive in the past leaves no assurance for the future.
You can't expect a child to watch you eat candy and give him any... can you?????How long will he last watching you?????
You are not solving anything here, you are trying to use control and fear to manipulate him....
You are not being totally honest with yourself, there are way too many red flags flying n this situation to be healthy.........
You need to talk this over with a professional, or go to a Alanon meeting and just listen....
you will see striking similarities whether you want to fact the truth or not.....

Answer 4

Since your boyfriend gave up alcohol for you, it's only fair that you give up alcohol for him. He is more likely to stay sober if he has your active support. He sounds like he has major anger management problems - if he isn't already enrolled with Alcoholics Anonymous or a similar program, then you need to get him signed up pronto - for his own sake, as well as your safety.
You can still drink when you go out with your friends without him (trust me, you have the rest of your life to drink at bars and clubs - just because you get older doesn't mean the party stops - it just moves to a different bar). It's okay to have a balance in your life - go out with your boyfriend one night, go out with your friends another night. And you can have just as good of a time without drinking - and if you think that isn't true, then perhaps you need to consider if your boyfriend isn't the only one with an addiction (binge drinking is just as bad as steady drinking).
So yes, be supportive of your boyfriend and don't drink around him.

Answer 5

if he loves you he will not drink ever, regardless of who else is drinking including you. there's no reason why you can't enjoy alcohol especially because you're not the one with the problem. sounds like he has some deep seeded psycological issues that alcohol exacerbates. if i were you i'd leave hiim and find someone more capable of handling themselves in a respectful manner in all circumstances. i'd wager that eventually even if he stops drinking that anger and cruelty will come out and he will hurt you and anyone else around you. people like that just aren't trust worthy.

Answer 6

Wow, let me repeat what you wrote above: " I really love him , but when he's been drinking he has hit me, hit other people, got arrested, beat up, and busted my windshield"

Give your head a shake girl! He's abusive and drinking or not that doesn't change the fact that he's abusive!!!!

Answer 7

Hello? What I can't understand is:

1. Why are you still with him if he's been abusive toward you? "Because I love him" is not a good enough reason.

2. Do you absolutely HAVE to drink when you go out??

Answer 8

No offense but you need to dump this loser. You can do better than him. Why put up with the drama? Are you really that desperate for a man that you are willing to be with him? He will never get better and you can't change him. Move on and find a good guy, one that will put up with a controlling woman...

Answer 9

wow, deja vu!
i had this exact problem but it was ME who got all crazy drunk.
i would stop drinking around him. when youre together, do something fun but simple. go to a movie and dinner etc. or only drink with him when youre in a controlled environment (the privacy of your own home for example)

Answer 10

my first piece of advise would be to love this guy. being drunk is not an excuse to hurt people, and if a tragedy has not happened yet, it is possible that it will. leave this guy as much as it hurts you to do so. you will find someone else who respects you and treats you as a lady.

now, if he really is trying to stop drinking, and you love him as much as you say you do, then you should stop yourself. just so that it will not tempt him to drink. he needs of your assistance to quit this.