Non-Christians: How would help a young child cope with and understand the death of a parent?

Question

Let’s assume you were reasonably close to the family, like a good friend or neighbor.

Throw in you philosophical inclination too while you are at it.

Thanks.

Answer 1

Kids are smarter than we think. I tactfully would tell them that their parent is gone and it's up to the child to honor the memory of his/her parent by living their life and taking on the added responsibility. I would explain that the reason we have children is so we can love them and teach them to be better people than we are by ourselves.

Kids understand when things come to an end, and if you sugarcoat it and offer your own conjectures about something for which you have no proof, they will eventually see through it; possibly creating resentment in the future (i.e. Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc.)

Answer 2

Death is ultimately a part of life - it's part of the cycle. All living things die, eventually.

We don't always understand why death happens when it does, and there may not even be a reason (well, my personal thought is "there may not even be a reason beyond 'What is there to be learned from this situation?' " but that may be too deep for a young child).

But while the person may physically be gone, the love and good memories of those who remain can help ease the pain - eventually. Time does heal.

Spiritually, I believe that their spirit/energy is returned to the universe, becoming part of the universal energy.

"Energy does not die - I have only changed form. I will always be with you."

Answer 3

I would tell him the parent has gone on to the next great adventure. There is actually a book for such children which is called, I think, "The Next Place." I saw it at a meeting at the Living Insights Center in St. Louis. The basic idea was to let the child know that the spirit of the parent does not die, does not suffer, and is able to continue to be a part of the child's life by what they carry in their hearts. When they are older, I would also say "and in your genes."

I am a witch who believes in reincarnation. Christians claim to be born again; I figure I will be born again and again and again.

Answer 4

This depends on the age of the child, but I think for the most part you just explain what happened in a matter of fact type way. Dying is a part of everyone's life--we all only have a certain amount of time on this earth and when it's over, it's all over. There should be nothing scary about that; one doesn't need to sugar coat it.

When you die, your life is over. Your friends and family can still miss you and remember you... and anytime they want to remember that person, they can visit them at the cemetery.

I don't understand where religion has to come into any of this.

Answer 5

It honestly would depend on the age, Grimmy.
Younger aged kids don't understand much at all other than people are sad all around them.
I would try to get the kids out and away from it all for awhile, regardless of age.
I'd also be very sensitive to their spiritual beliefs. I don't think me trying to preach at them no matter what they believe or trying to change minds is appropriate at that time.
I think the best thing I could do as a friend/neighbor is just to be there, give a hug if asked for, be a distraction.. or just sit quietly with them.
Nothing I say or do will bring back that parent. What I can do, is assure them that they aren't alone.

Answer 6

No. Freedom of Religion means ALL Religion despite what Arthwit Rail thinks. I have a better Question: Should Christians be brought up on charges of Child Endangerment for teaching them from a Book that consistently contradicts itself? Rev. Dr. Donald Betz D.D.

Answer 7

I'm Hindu and we believe in reincarnation and the soul being reborn many times until it reaches enlightenment, and then the soul goes on to Nirvana (heaven).

When my father died I was 13. My mother explained to my kid sister and I that his soul was on a journey to a new life. Over the years I have accepted his death as a learning experience. As a Hindu, our souls strive to reach all knowledge, and family death we must experience to continue learning. His death has made me a stronger person and motivates me to not make the same mistakes he did, and so forth.

Just because someone isn't Christian doesn't mean they have no explanation for death. Hinduism is at least 5,000 years old, and we have explanations for all the occurences that happen in the life cycle. Everything is seen as a learning experience.

Answer 8

That death is an end to suffering and part of life. That it's upsetting but it happens to everyone and that all religions believe in some sort of afterlife which is hardly ever worse for loving people, like parents.
Whatever you believe, you can still be comforting. Look at all the different religious concepts of an 'afterlife'. They all started as a way for humans to deal with the grief they feel after they lose someone special to them.

Answer 9

Simply explain that every living thing dies eventually and that death means an end to any suffering the person may have been experiencing. Say that it's ok to be sad because that's a natural emotion but that the dead person wouldn't want the child to be sad forever. Say that you can remember the dead person and hold them in your mind forever, recalling all the good times you spent together and in that way the dead person will always be there when you need them.

There's no need to lie to them by saying things like the dead person is in heaven or any of that garbage.

Answer 10

If you are no more than 'reasonably close to the family', as far as I am concerned you have no business talking to the child about it. That is for the actual family to do.

If a neighbor or non family member started trying to counsel my child, I would end any relationship I had with them immediately. It would be an outrageous invasion of privacy.