out of state wedding do you give a gift?

Question

My step sister is getting married in a few months. I have to travel from CT to Chicago for her wedding and it's costing me about $800 for airline, hotel, and other travel expenses. Chicago tax is very high. Do I need to also give her a wedding gift if the cost of me just going to this wedding is so high? We are not very close, never have been. Only see eachother once or twice a year for a few hours other than that we don't talk. Oh and by the way, my kids can't go....it's a no kids wedding. But my other step sisters two kids are going...they're in the wedding. My husband is also not going, too expensive. So the above cost I mentioned is the cost for just me. Crazy..huh!

Answer 1

I would consider buying a gift, and sending it as opposed to you traveling. However, if you really want to go-then no, I don't think you need to buy her a gift. Your appearance is the gift!

Answer 2

Wow...that's a lot of cash to dish out for one person to attend. I would rethink attending the wedding since you are not that close.
Wedding gifts are optional, but if you feel obligated to give one, here are a few ideas for spending very little money.

Instead of spending money on a gift, tap into your creativity. Make a scrapbook for their wedding. Decorate the pages and leave space for their wedding pictures. You could probably do this for very little money by using coupons from craft stores and keeping the design pretty, but simple.

You could also always just get them a picture frame (craft stores also have these for very little). Check out the sale sections of stores...quite often you can find nice things that people will never know you got at a discount price.

If she has a registry, pick something small and inexpensive. There should be some items in all price ranges.

I would avoid spending more than $30-$40 considering how much you spent already. Good luck!

Answer 3

Yes, you are supposed to give them a gift. As a matter of fact, I've been inviated to only one wedding here were I live and all of the weddings that I've been invited to have been out of state.

I live in the midwest and last year I attended two weddings in NYC and new Hampshire; this summer I'll be going to California and Massachussets for two other weddings. I've pay for airport parking, airfare, hotel, rental car, a new gown, and I always bring a good gift. Being from out of town doesn't exempt you from giving the couple a gift.

If you can't afford it, then don't go. Send a $3.50 cent card and a 41 cent stamp and tell them that you are unable to attend. If you must, send a gift card and that will save you the trip there.

Good luck

Answer 4

Whenever I go to an out of state wedding I still send or bring a gift. I understand that it's a lot to fly out, hotel, ect....so perhaps just give the couple something like a $25 gift card to the store they are registered to or something like that. $25 dollars should not "make or break" you, so it's probably the best bet as opposed to getting somthing from the registry in the same amount- it may only equal 1 towel. that's embarrasing. So just consider a giftcard.

Answer 5

IF you're sure you want to go and spend that kind of money, then I think a very nice heartfelt card is all you need to give. It might not be all she expects but some people are just greedy that way. Basically, when it comes to weddings, you give what you can afford. If what you can afford is the trip there, then so be it.
I specifically told my out of town travelers when they asked what I wanted/needed that them coming was all the gift I needed from them because I knew it was going to be expensive and some gave me gifts and some didn't and I was just fine with that.

Answer 6

I would have to agree with the other posters, if you are not that close, and it is costing your a bundle and puts a strain on your family finances, PLUS your family cannot afford to go, and the kids were not invited, then buy a nice gift or a gift certificate, or give a wedding check and send it along with a nice card and regrets that you will not be able to attend.

Answer 7

Why are you going to the wedding. You're not close, you don't talk, it's too expensive, you're upset you can't bring the hubby and kids. Stay home, send regrets and buy them a nice gift. Take the remaining $600 you saved and have a great weekend with your family.

Answer 8

If you're going to the expense to attend, then I think a $50 gift card to wherever she is registered would not be out of line. And think about it - if you're already spending $800....what is another $50?

This very situation just happened to me, and I can tell you there were alot of hurt feelings. So...believe me, it's worth the $50 to avoid having bad feelings with each other.

Goodluck and try to have fun.

Answer 9

Traditionally, you send a gift when invited to a wedding. The gift should be within your means and should reflect your relationship with the bride and groom. If you feel you can not afford an expensive gift, don't send one. It would be nice if you gave them something, even a gift card. At the very least, be sure to give them a nice card congratulating them on their marriage.

Answer 10

Would you rethink attending the wedding? It sounds like a pretty high cost for the flight, especially when you're not close. There's no need to spend that much to go to a wedding for someone you aren't close with.

That said, yes, you still need to get a gift. Spend $30 or so on something less expensive on her registry.

Answer 11

Hate to say it, but yes you are supposed to, etiquette wise, get a gift.

It can be whatever you can afford... just remember if you bring a physical gift on the plane not to wrap it.... TSA will unwrap it for you.

Although, you really don't need to attend at all if you can't afford it. Just reply "with regrets" and mail a gift. If anyone gets upset tell them you can't afford to put a $1000 down for a wedding. (Since that's what it will end up being after you pay all the food, taxi, etc.... small things, and a gift.)