He only comes to stay with us for the summer and he constantly talks back. I don't know if he does this at home to his mother, but he does it to me. I tell him not to talk back to me and then he tries to get all snippy with me. So I punish him by taking away what he talked back about, but that has so far not helped. He has even lied to me about not doing something he got in trouble for. Even though I saw him do it which is why he's getting punished. I give him every chance to not do what he does. I have no idea if this is attention getting behavior or he has been taught by his mother that its ok to talk back to grownups.
2007-05-31 03:10:22 · 16 answers · asked by Motheroflittlemen 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
BarB, I am his parent and have been his parent since I met his father 2 years ago. She is not a mother. They don't call her mom. They call me mom. We tried to make them call me by my name not by mom, but they won't. They call her by her name. I am not going to let these kids destroy MY house and MY stuff just because their "mother" lets them do it at home. So NOT punishing them is not an option. I bought them these things. I paid for them not their mother not their father. I DID. I do everything their "mother" is suppost to do. I asked for Advice. Not to be told I can't tell someone not to do something in my OWN home.
2007-05-31 04:13:19 · update #1
give him a smack bottem, warn him "you dont lie/talkback to me, its rude."
in a stern voice if it happens again its a smack bottem in my house it works and i rarely get back chat or you couldime out.
2007-05-31 03:15:35 · answer #1 · answered by kt 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Well, you are the stepmother... You really have no place in his disciplinary life. That is his fathers job - not yours.
What you must understand is that he never hears anything positive about you from his mother and her family. As with many moms in a divorce situation, the mother will run down the new wife to her family and friends. Sometimes, it can be vicious lies about you and his father. Mom's do this in front of the child too.... This is probably all the kid has ever heard about you and therefore shows you no respect. He has heard all of the negative things his mother and her side has said and feels you are not worthy of any respect. That's not his fault.
I was the stepmother of 2 (2 of my own also) for 12 years - and for all that time, I only managed to get grudging respect on occasion. You cannot undo the damage his mother has done. Punishing him and taking away his things only reinforce what he thinks. He goes home and tells his mother what a rotten person you are (that makes HER happy) and she falls right into it and agrees. There is nothing you can do about that, either.
What is needed is for you to butt out of being his "mom" when he spends the summer. You have no right to punish him anyway. His father needs to take control of the situation and mete out any punishment that is necessary. You must back off and try to make a friend with the child - not a parent...you are NOT a parent.
Dad needs to talk to the kid, spend more one-on-one time with him without you being there. He comes to see his DAD, not you....you just happen to be there.
It is sad but true that stepmothers always get the bad rap and there is simply nothing you can do to overcome an ex-wifes viciousness.
So; STOP PUNISHING HIM, stop taking away his things, don't argue with him. If you are alone with him during the day, plan things - go to the mall, the park, the movies. Read him a book...be a babysitter or friend and not try to be a parent. If his behavior is unacceptable at home, let his father handle it.
All that being said, 5 year olds talk back all the time...it is in their nature. Best thing is to ignore it. They are just testing the waters to see what your reaction will be - don't fall into the lake.
2007-05-31 10:54:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree he needs to get in trouble for it, but I also want to say, as a child myself who got bounced back and forth, its not an easy adjustment, he may be reacting to the change. I was 10 when I started being bounced back and forth and it was hard at that age, I can imagine its worse at 5. He's away from his mom, his friends, most of his stuff. Take some of that into consideration also. And if she lets him act that way at home, you cant correct every problem he has over a summer. Try to let him have an enjoyable time also, and try to understand his position a little, from the mind set of a 5 yr old, he could be angry about having to go and not know how to verbalize it, or even know that is why he is angry. I spent at least the first month resenting the fact I had to be pulled out of my life, and by the time I felt adjusted, I had to go back to the other parent.
2007-05-31 10:21:37 · answer #3 · answered by Miss Coffee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say that you could award him for not being bad or talking back.
At the end of every day, put stickers on a chart or something and award him for his good behavior.
At the end of the month, buy him a decent sized toy.
Tell him that if he is good, that he gets that toy.
And make sure it is something that he wants and will work for.
Put it up in a high place where he can't get it, make sure that it's wrapped, and hide it away.
Tell him that if he gets 20 stickers, then he can have it.
And after about every 5 stickers or so, give him a prize such as some gum or ice cream or something.
Treat him for being good, so he knows not to be bad.
I wish you good luck!
2007-05-31 10:20:10 · answer #4 · answered by Caitlin F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear your in such a bad position. To be scolding a step child you might find yourself not only in trouble with the mother but your husband as well. My "X" had a similar type little boy. Even further he would want to sleep with her and refused to sleep in his own bed. I started to read every night yet he'd squeal and such and come into our bed. Finally I took things into my hands against the pc types rolled the little fellow over and spanked him. Took maybe another time or so no more than 3 times and he was over it and would sleep in his own bed. We got to be good friends and after all that bed time things were under control he respected me and what I said thru out the day. But your walking a narrow line when its not your child. The Real mom could very possibly call your hand on anything you might do... I truly feel for you!!!
2007-05-31 10:34:28 · answer #5 · answered by Scott 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Check if he is allowed to do this at home? Does he have siblings? Older or younger? Depending on his 'position' in the family, he might be 'jockeying' for attention. Rather than punish, try to ignore [to a point this behaviour] and make a big fuss when he is 'good'. Children respond well to praise and encouragement, rather than being punished or 'argued' with - they almost take it as a 'come on' to keep up the back chat, as if you are 'baiting' them to chat back. At this age, he may not have a very well developed 'conversation protocol', in other words, he is still learning how to communicate with people in an acceptable manner. The way you interact with him in conversation and guide him in the right direction, which means including him in conversations, rather than just ignoring him or telling him to be quiet, will help significantly to develop the appropriate skills to become a good conversationalist. Hope this helps, good luck!
2007-05-31 10:32:59 · answer #6 · answered by iamjustcurious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I was a child my mom and dad got a divorce. I would talk back to my mom and act out because I was upset about them getting a divorce. I knew that my mom wouldn't leave me or hate me if I did act out like this. She was the safe one. I knew that whatever I did she would always love me.
I just wasn't sure on how to get my anger and pain out so sadly I took it out on her.
I do also have a niece. And when she comes and visits me she back talks. But I know that she gets no attention from her mom. So I think that for her this is a way to get attention.
I would talk to his mom and see what's going on. Maybe she has a new boyfriend and feels like he's not getting the attention he needs. Or maybe he's upset about something and you're the safe one.
2007-05-31 10:54:27 · answer #7 · answered by gavinsmommy2306 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that child needs more woopings in his life. But it might be a good idea to ask permission from the mother. Believe it or not most hispanic mothers let others close to them correct their child's behavior when they are not around. Back in the days teachers in P.R. were usually allowed to hit their students with rulers. Go figure... So practice the art of wooping butt.
2007-05-31 10:23:15 · answer #8 · answered by Lexy_ROC 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Think back to when you were a child! What did your parents do to get you to quit talking back to them? Bust butt, stick in the corner for 20 minutes, or soap! Did it work on you? Then you might think about following their teachings. Hate to see your son become a statistic, because no one care enough to stop his behavior.
2007-05-31 10:21:18 · answer #9 · answered by spiritwalker 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My daughter, which is only 3 talks back. Every time she does this we put her in the corner. Talk to his mom and see if this is a problem at home. No child should disrespect a grown up.
2007-05-31 10:15:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Give him one warning when he does something wrong. 2nd time, tell him he is going to the naughty corner because of what he did. Stick him in a corner for 5 minutes. If he tries to get out, just continue to put him back in the corner without talking to him. After 5 minutes, he has to say he is sorry and you can give him a hug. If he doesn't say he is sorry, he stays in the naughty corner.
If all else fails, spank him good! (P.S. I'm mean.)
2007-05-31 10:17:00 · answer #11 · answered by Tina Goody-Two-Shoes 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋