An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created.
"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...."
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.
As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don't exist; and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.
The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful
2007-05-30 20:35:11 · 10 answers · asked by † H20andspirit 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Gery are you sure you can't get a job as an engeneer? Move to the US I see postitions for em all the time
2007-05-30 20:56:57 · update #1
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
"Make me one with everything."
Why don't Buddhists vacuum? No attachments.
Often quoted by my Episcopalian (and alcoholic)relatives: "Wherever two or three are gathered, there's always room for a fifth."
2007-05-30 20:41:17 · answer #1 · answered by Doc Occam 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is really good and quiet funny...even the atheists should appreciate this. I can laugh at clean ones on Christianity.<><
One day God decided Adam needed a bit more in life to keep him busy. So God caused a deep sleep to come up on him and created a help meet for him. When Adam awoke he noticed a rib gone missing and as he turned around his very next words were... "WO----MAN!" And that's how Woman came to be.<><
2007-05-30 20:59:22 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
LOL, although I'm not sure the atheists will find this funny.
My favorite joke is: Who smoked in the Bible.
Answer: (King James Version)
Genesis 24:64And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.
2007-05-30 20:40:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well this is my Religious joke but it's sectist...
The Mormon Prophet, the Pope, and a Tele-evangelist were all in a boat in the middle of a lake when all of a sudden the boat started to sink. The Pope jumped out of the boat and walked across the water safely to shore. Then the Mormon Prophet jumped out of the boad and walked across the water safely to shore. Finally the tele-evangelist jumped out of the boat and sank. The Pope turned to the Mormon Prophet and asked, "Do you think we should have told him about the stepping stones?"... the Mormon Prophet responded, "What steppping stones?"
2007-05-30 20:41:26 · answer #4 · answered by Trump 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
3 sons left domicile, went out on their own and prospered. Getting decrease back mutually they reported presents they have been waiting to furnish their elderly mom. the 1st pronounced, "I geared up a large domicile for our mom." the 2nd pronounced, "I despatched her a Mercedes with a driving force." The third smiled and pronounced, "Ha, I have been given you the two beat. undergo in strategies how mom enjoyed to study her Bible? and you recognize that she would have the ability to't see alright. nicely, I despatched her a maximum suitable parrot that recites the finished Bible. It took Church elders 14 years to show him. mom only has to call the financial ruin and verse and the parrot will recite it." quickly thereafter, mom despatched out her letters of thank you: "Adam," she wrote one son, "the domicile you geared up is so huge. I stay in only one room, yet I might desire to scrub the full domicile." "Jon," she wrote to a distinctive, "i'm too old to return and forth and stay at domicile various the time, so I not often use the Mercedes. And the driving force is so rude!" "Dearest Gerald," she wrote to her third son, "you are the only one with the stable experience to understand what your mom likes. thank you for the hen. It replaced into easily scrumptious."
2016-10-09 04:31:47 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL@ Riot Girl.
Dragged that christian down easily with two lines.
2007-05-30 20:42:09 · answer #6 · answered by X Theist 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Atheist: Im god
Christian: no your not!
Atheist: stop being an atheist
I gotta be honest though, the only part that made me laugh was when the bear started talking.
2007-05-30 20:38:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
What's the difference between an Israeli and an Israelite?
The Israelites have one-third fewer calories. :-)
2007-05-30 20:42:20 · answer #8 · answered by Pastor Chad from JesusFreak.com 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
LOL, that`s really funny
2007-05-30 20:53:30 · answer #9 · answered by Gery 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lol I love that! I don't have an of my own but thanks. That made my day.
2007-05-30 20:39:15 · answer #10 · answered by Warrior Poet 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋