My dad doesn't put me down directly but with subtlety. I think he's trying to make me be a better man. Is this typical in most dads?
2007-05-30 19:55:34 · 13 answers · asked by Fancelll79 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
That's the intent. It's not necessarily typical. Maybe borderline typical, for some personality types. In some cases, the father is just a jerk.
2007-05-30 19:59:06 · answer #1 · answered by x4294967296 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes in our wanting our best for our children, we see how things can be better verses how good they are right now. In other words, If my daughter gets her report card and she has all A's and B's and 1 c, I'll comment first on the c instead of praising her for the A's and B's. I try not to do that, but once in a while I slip. I believe praise builds a child up and makes them stronger, much better than put downs. Put downs may discourage a child and keep them from trying. My husband feels the same as I do and is actually better at saying something good first.
2007-05-31 03:01:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No... This isn't a healthy way to make you stronger.... He has insecurity issues with himself, and takes it out on you, or find relief somehow in bringing you down as well (does the saying "misery loves company" ring a bell)....
On, the other side of the coin, your father may have been brought up the same way, and this is all he knows. But to truly be a strong man, you need to be loved and feel confident around the people who are closest to you. Instead of trying to make you stronger by insulting you, the healthy way to make you a better man is to show your son a good example of what a better man is, and bring people down, certainly is not.
I'm sure your father loves you very much, but if you maybe let him know how his subtle words are making you feel, he might lighten up a little bit.... He probably doesn't even know that he does it.
Good luck!
2007-05-31 03:01:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't speak to his intent, but do you think that repeated blows to a given object will make it stronger? No, that will weaken it-if you want it stronger you must build it up and add support.
Sit down with Dad and tell him the way he's making you feel with his comments-he may not even realize because his own father may have done the same.
2007-05-31 04:45:25 · answer #4 · answered by barbara 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My step-dad put me down a lot when I was a teen. It didn't make me stronger. In fact it made me bitter. A dad should encourage and correct without putting you down. Why don't you talk to him and tell him how you feel when he puts you down. Maybe he can reword some of his communication so that it doesn't break you.
2007-05-31 02:59:14 · answer #5 · answered by krysten_vance_2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have to say its a fathers way of "thinking" he is making his son stronger...a better man as you said....sometimes fathers dont think before speaking...all they hear are these words of wisdom..when in all reality its those words that are brining us down....however in some ways its those words that make us want to be better...so in a way yes those words make us stronger..but while making us stronger they could be pulling us away from the relationship with our father.....its a hard thing to cope with but at the end of the day i think it pays it course.....we has sons just have to be the better person take their words and walk with them...knowing they hurt and bring us down but also knowing that at the end of the day those same words are what got us through it all...
2007-05-31 03:01:50 · answer #6 · answered by adrik c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's an unwritten tradition, for fathers to try to undermine their sons. I have always just put it down to the old bull trying to run off the young bull. Not to make light of your problem, it's not right that he does it. Can you sit down quietly and tell him how it makes you feel? Ask your mother what she thinks.
2007-05-31 03:05:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its not typical but it could be his method. However, I think that your parents should be there to support you in life. There are others that will put you down. If he is putting you down, try talking to him. If that doesnt work, ignore it. Putting people down does not make people better people. Encouraging them to better themselves does.
2007-05-31 02:59:38 · answer #8 · answered by jms62394 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES! My dad was like this and even tho I considered it rough as a child it made me a stronger person today. Me, and my dad are VERY close to this day.
2007-05-31 02:58:16 · answer #9 · answered by Juggalo Family 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In what way does he put you down?
2007-05-31 02:57:48 · answer #10 · answered by snoooopdogg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋