The guy I am dating drinks all the time! His mom died of cancer last fall and it has been down hill since. the other day he was supposed to have lunch with me at work he text me at 11:30 am and told me he was too drunk to drive and his friend was going to bring him to me. I had to tell him no because I can't have him at my work like that. He is only 26 and has custudy of his 13 year old sister and is dealing with the bills his momleft so I try to give him a break but it is getting to bad!
2007-05-30 18:42:40 · 13 answers · asked by deeply happy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Everyone is telling you that you need to tell him to get help, but more than likely your guy already knows that he needs help. My guy drinks just like your guy does. On our regular Monday night dates, I have to make sure I call him as early as possible because he will be took drunk by 2 in the afternoon to know what the heck is going on.
I have stressed to my guy more than once that he needs to get his life straight. He came here from CA to get away from gang violence and to save his life. He tells me every other day that he is going to stop drinking, but it never happens.
I believe with someone as bad as your guy, you need to support him in whatever he does first and foremost. If he wants to drink, have a beer or two with him and then have sex. Distract him from drinking. It amazes me, but when I'm at my guys house and if I START to drink he will want to go to bed. Almost like you are making him stop by making him worry about you doing it.....which in all actuality he doesn't need to worry about you. Also...suggest one day when he wakes up and he feels crappy about what happened the night before because of his drunkness.....that you guys should do the right thing together...basically kick him when he is down. If you try to confront him when he is having a good day....drinking his bud light....having fun with his friends he isn't going to give two shi+s about what you have to say.
Additionally, my father is a drunk...and I truly believe that you can NOT helps someone unless they WANT to help themselves. He is not going to stop drinking unless he truly wants to stop. I do not believe that rehab works either. Because if someone wants to do something...they will do it.
I can talk more with you about this if you would life. Just let me know
Do me a favor and go to my profile and answer my latest question that I have posted. It is actually about the guy I am talking about.
2007-05-30 18:56:40 · answer #1 · answered by hotblondbabe420 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to sit him down in a sober moment, and let him know what you are observing. If you don't know what to say, go to the nearest AA center and ask for a pamphlet regarding the signs of an alcoholic. He needs to go through the whole grief process and he is stuck because he's afraid of feeling those awful feelings. You need to offer your friendship but tell him you cannot be his girlfriend any longer only because it is not healthy for you to be taken down. You are not his babysitter, but you care deeply for him and once he has gotten his life back on track, then possibly you can think about a relationship with him again. Do not get sucked into his alcoholic spiral, but let him know that you can go with him to the first AA meeting or anything else he needs support with. He'll get through this. So will you. Good luck.
P.S. Also remind him that the way he is acting right now will affect his little sister in a very bad way. He needs help, and he needs it now.
2007-05-30 18:50:53 · answer #2 · answered by blue25tulip 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not so sure u have to tell this guy he has a problem, he probably stirs it or them in the face everyday. U know, it can really hurt when the people we care about suffer, epecially from their own demise. But, its through prayer and faith that people are delivered. I can say this to u from my own experience. I've been on both sides of the tracks with this one. The real question I believe is for u to consider how far will u allow this relationship to affect u. Remember, hurt people will hurt people, whether intentional or not. Not much u can do for this guy other than trust God to restore him. When the pain becomes to unbearable, he'll seek the help he needs, that's when u want to be there. Self destruction can only be defused by self. Good luck!
2007-05-30 18:58:43 · answer #3 · answered by B2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As his friend and girlfriend, it is your OBLIGATION to tell him that you think he has a problem. Wouldn't you feel guilty if he killed himself while driving drunk...or someone else, for that matter?
Sounds like you need to tone down the dating part and concentrate on being a supportive friend right now. Sounds like he has too much drama to be a good boyfriend to anyone right now.
Offer to go with him to get help. Help him occupy his time that he would be drinking by doing something productive with his time.
Suggest he also go to a "Grief Support" group, for dealing with the loss of his mother. I think if he got through that, it would help.
Also, remind him that he is an example to his 13 yr old sister. Ask him if being an alcoholic is the example he wants to leave for her and would he be ok with the situation if she were the one drinking like he is.
Usually, unless the drinking is really bad, an "eye opener" from someone that cares is all it takes. I know...I've been there.
Good Luck!
2007-05-30 18:49:27 · answer #4 · answered by Mel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you definitely shouldnt break it to him harshly. but definitely try taking control of how much he's drinking. as in hide whatever he has for the time being. if he's getting drunk that early even he has to admit he has a problem though. you should tell him that your getting worried about him, but DO NOT tell him that when he's drunk. that is a strictly sober conversation because otherwise all he'll hear is that he's not good enough. and try doing little nice things for him to cheer him up. dont know how much help that is, but really do try little steps to make him happier and if his problems don't improve i'd take drastic measurements.
2007-05-30 18:48:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
be totally honest with him tell him how concerned u are he might not even know that he has a problem or he could be in denial he may need to get help, he may feel pressured by the bills left behind,he more than likely worries for his sister and feels he needs to be strong for her because she is dependent on him, and he is probably depressed from his mother dieing.drinking is probably his outlet for all of his new found stress,his way to escape reality .so express your concerns to him to see if you can help
2007-05-30 18:58:24 · answer #6 · answered by adreana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watch the TV show Intervention and take notes. They usually start off by saying how they miss the person they used to be, and you have hurt me in the following ways...
Then they give an ultimatum: either stop doing this, or I cannot continue to do this...
2007-05-30 18:45:58 · answer #7 · answered by Mickey Mouse Spears 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggest he see a counselor, or go to AA. Talk to his friends. See if his sister is okay, too. Make sure he never drives drunk, either. Well, good luck!
2007-05-30 18:46:09 · answer #8 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs help and fast. Although the grievance process last about a year, he may not be able to pull himself out of this soon. Encourage him to seek therapy!
2007-05-30 18:46:34 · answer #9 · answered by yvetta2203 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he going through a lot right now.. and he needs you now more than ever..
guys wont open up things. you should make the first move to make him tell you how is he doing.
guys tends to drink because they need somebody to talk to...
2007-05-30 18:54:00 · answer #10 · answered by watdahell 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋