Is This Bad?

Question

My boyfriend and I aren't engaged, but we have been dating for 3 years. Everytime we attend a wedding together, I can't help but look at wedding stuff-dresses, reception, ceremony details in the days after. My friend joked that I have my whole wedding with my boyfriend planned out. I don't

Is this bad. I'm not nessacarily just obssessed with a wedding itself. But, I look online for houses we could buy together, etc.

Is my small obssession bad?

Answer 1

Nah it's cool, I'm sure a lot of women do that.

Answer 2

I don't think your "obsession" as you call it is bad at all. I think you're dreaming of a wonderful day as a bride, and that's ok. Looking online for homes is also a very normal thing for an engaged couple to do. The only thing I will say, and I'm saying this from experience, don't push your fiance to get married sooner than he's ready to. This has ended up in a disaster for 3 of my girlfriends. They wanted so badly to get married, that they pressured their fiance's into doing it before he was ready. All 3 are now divorced. Dream of your wedding, dream of a house, talk with him about your future together, but make sure you're both on the same page with the timing.
Good luck and Keep dreaming!

Answer 3

I have to admit, I do the same thing. On one hand, I think that it is natural to want to plan out your future, particularly weddings with someone you love and see yourself being married to. On the other hand, doing so is getting ahead of things, considering he hasn't asked you yet, and things can change quickly in relationships, and your desire to plan everything out ahead can wind up becoming a crutch.

I was with a guy for four years who was completely wrong for me, yet at the time I wanted to get married really badly. I had thought about it quite a lot, particularly around the times of friends' weddings, and had contemplated things like the appearance of my dress, where the ceremony could be held, color schemes, etc to the point that I wanted my dream of the wedding to come true so much that I refused to give up on a relationship which was causing me a lot of pain. A couple years later it finally fell apart, but not after a very large amount of hearbreak which would have been spared had I just been honest with myself and realised that I didn't really want the guy, I just really wanted to be married.

Now, you obviously want to get married. Something that I would suggest asking yourself is why? Do you think that you have found a man who will love you and cherish you forever, who shares the same goals and visions, and who you consider your best friend? Or, are you letting the people around you make you think that there is some need to get married, since you two have been together for three years. Other people can be really difficult that way, particularly families, trying to push marriage on people who are not ready for it simply by repeatedly asking if there are any plans for marriage. It gets so difficult to say over and over "someday".

I also wonder why it is that you have not gotten married yet, since you seem to want this. That was another difficulty I faced during my relationship: he didn't want marriage any time soon, I did. It was another source of heartache that I could have avoided had I just not allowed myself to ruminate on weddings.

So, I think that whether or not it is bad can only be told by yourself. If you love this guy, and know that he loves you and both of you are completely ok with waiting to get married and are certain that you want to marry each other, then it is probably pretty harmless. However, if there is deep seeded trouble in your relationship, particularly if you don't like to admit it to yourself, like I did, it could be really hurtful for you in the future.

Answer 4

No way. It's smart that you're getting some ideas for when the big day actually happens. I dont even have a boyfriend but when my engaged girlfriends and I go through magazines you bet I am taking notes so I dont have to start off from scratch when my future husband actually pops the question.....and looking online for homes isnt a bad idea either. Knowledge is power but i cant help but wonder why after 3 yrs he hasnt asked you to marry him yet. Tell him to get on that, you're too smart a girl to wait around forever.

Answer 5

I don't think so. Make sure you have good communication with your boyfriend so that you're both in the same direction, make sure he plans on getting married, and plans on owning a home. These a huge decisions and sometimes I think guys take longer to consider them. It's not bad to have a few ideas for your future planned out, so you're prepared, but I'd stay away from details.

Looking at homes is a great thing to start doing now, it will help you realize what the market is like, what you're looking for, and how much everything really costs.

Answer 6

Depends on your age. I was dating my boyfriend for 8 years before we got engaged and we went through a whole lot of crud in those 8 years. 3 years is a long time if your in your late 20's, but if your in your late teens you need to wait a lot longer than 3 years before planning your wedding. Just don't get too obsessive, you may scare your boyfriend away.

Answer 7

Shoot, I started thinking about wedding "stuff" after the first few months of dating!! Then there was a time I swore he was going to purpose and started looking at stuff like crazy. Now it has finally happened and the wedding is still a year away but i have at least half of it planned! (I too was looking at places to live in his town, my town and all that kind of stuff!) I think it is just very natural for most women. Most crave for that committement. I think we have Eve to blame for it!!!

Answer 8

I do the same thing, and my boyfriend finds it cute. If you're as impatient as I am, then when weddings, or special occasions come up, then you're bound to want to look at those things in the days after.
You obviously love him very much, otherwise weddings wouldn't have the same effect on you. Just tone down your talking about it, like don't mention it to him to much, or your friends, if that's all you talk about, it might push him away

Answer 9

I bet you 90% of girls out there do this! I don't even want a big "traditional" wedding (I want a planned elopement) and even I do this! I love to look at dresses, centre-pieces, invites, etc! Totally normal - I don't think it's an "obsession" but just a dreamy sort-of thing!

Answer 10

Im the same way. I got like that with wedding annocements and baby annocements. I was dating my bf for 6 and 1/2 years!! Believe me I feel your pain. Shoot- Im planning my wedding and i still have a good solid year and a half! Your fine!

Answer 11

No not at all. You have invested a lot of time in this guy. Have you 2 discussed marriage? You are in a long term relationship maybe you need to give him a gentle nudge in the right direction.
Tell your friend that you are going to be ready when the time comes. It never hurts to be prepared. LOL