why can't i get over my mentally ill soon to be ex. wife?

Question

she has borderline personality disorder with narcassistic tendancies and suffers from periodic bouts of depression. i remember the good times though. she left me after she got pregnant and then quickly decided she wanted a abortion then raged at me and my son because we weren't tending to her and then she left. haven't heard from her in 3 weeks other than what she wants out of the house and a divorce. i know it's for the best but she was so loving sometimes. so good in bed. she used sex as a calming thing instead of making love. now i keep invisioning her with other men to curb her depression and anxiety. i want her back but i really don't. How do you get over someone like this? i keep saying to myself, if only i was more loving like she asked or this and that but nothing was ever good enough. i do love her though. i miss her and i'm trying not to think of her but it's extremely hard. i see her every morning. she makes a point of it and is cold as ice. what can i do?

Answer 1

You miss her when she was healthy, and not as sick...when a loved one becomes really ill, they are no longer themselves, and it is hard to deal with them...sometimes, you try as hard as you can to save your marriage, but when they just can't or won't change, or refuse to get help because they don't want to or their illness is keeping them from getting it, you are at a sad , deep emotional loss...you want to stay with them, and pray that things get back the way they were, and you know you are worrying about her all the time...because it is her that changed, and not you...My friend, my prayers are with you, for it is one of the hardest things to do to leave someone like that...they make you feel like they are going to really fall apart when you go,...and since you do love them, you find it so overwhelming when you finally do get the strength to go,because you just can't take the abuse any more...It has nothing to do with you honey, believe me,...been there, and it is hard hard hard, to leave...but sometimes, you have to wonder, if you go,...would it sink in and they get the help they need....but DON"T let her put guilt on you...it is her illness, not her, that ran you off....

Answer 2

PLEASE try and get out and find someone that can make you happy--you miss her because she was a habit and part of your life--but just because she was a part of your every day life doesn't mean that it was good for you OR your son....you have probably been miserable for so long that you don't know what happiness feels like anymore---so you don't miss it--but once you find out how life can be without the rantings and the dysfunctional family life you will be so happy that you moved on---there is someone for everyone and if you are looking around just a little bit I guarantee that you will run into someone and start to care about someone that can truly make you smile. its hard to get through the rough parts hon--but there are so many other good times to come when you find the right one--you might think you love her--but you will find true love and that wont even compare--have faith and keep your eyes open--there are new doors to be opened around every corner---if shes with someone else you know it isn't for the right reasons and even with you it wasn't for the right reasons---don't worry about that anymore--move on and make yourself and your son happy----I'm sorry you have to deal with this--Ive been there too--and I'm stuck there.....get out while you have the chance--hope this helped you out and good luck!

Answer 3

first--stop thinking you could have made everything better by being better yourself. she's the one with the issues here, not you. she is obviously not suited to being in a relationship, and it's not fair to you or especially your son to have to deal with someone so unstable. stop picturing her in bed with other people. what are you--a glutton for self punishment? maybe she's out doing half the town--let her. she's harming herself, not you. you are harming yourself by allowing her to stay in your head. she's not worth your time. why do you see her every morning? can you avoid that? if you can't, then pay her no mind. she can be cold all by herself and to herself. pretend she's not even there. the fact that you say 'she makes a point of it' speaks volumes. she sounds like a spiteful, manipulative ****, and who needs that? not you, i'm sure. it will take time, and it won't always be easy, but you know this is for the best. if you can't distance yourself from her for your own sake, do it for your son. i don't know how old he is, but whatever his age, he doesn't need her around lousing things up.