Should I elope?

Question

Ever since my fiance and I got engaged, his family has been horrible. I won't go into details (his family has said/done horrible things), but I will say that their negativity is unjust. I have never been anything but as polite as possible to them. The negativty stems from his mother, who is upset because she feels as if she is losing her son, who is her sole source of support, which is very unhealthy. The bottom line is that his family refuses to be supportive, no what my fiance and I say or do.

They are refusing to attend the wedding. My fiance insists that if they did they would cause a spectacle. I agree. Now he wants to elope. He thinks it'll be cheaper and easier. I want to have my dream wedding, even if only my family attends. I don't want to compromise my dream because of his family. In the back of my mind, I am hoping they will change their mind, but I know they won't. They really and truly hate me for being engaged to my fiance.

What should I do???

Just as a side note, this is my way of thinking. His family is willfully excluding themselves, why should I exclude my loving, caring, supportive family from something they want to be involved with just because of them? Although it will make me sad that his family may not be there... I've always dreamed of the big formal wedding since we got engaged. Is this selfish of me???

Answer 1

You have posted all sorts of things about the Christmas wedding you are planning...and it sounds beautiful!! Don't give up what you have been waiting for you whole life for some woman who can't let go of her son. I am sure that your family and friends will be elated to attend your wedding and witness the marriage of you and your fiance. It is too bad that his parents feel that way about the marriage, but it probably can't be changed.

Talk to your fiance about how you feel. Tell him that you don't feel like you need to get married in secret just because his family doesn't support you as a couple (I am not saying all elopements are done because of this...I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea). Explain to him how important it is for you to have this wedding and to be surrounded by your friends and family.

Good luck with everything!

Answer 2

I think if you do elope, you will regret not have a wedding. I never wanted a wedding, but I was afraid if I didn't have one, I would later regret it. I'm glad I did, even though it was very stressful during the planning.
If they don't show up, who cares. All that matters is that you and your finance are there. If they don't want to come, just tell them how much you wish they could attend, but leave it at that. Send them an invite when the time comes, don't ever make it an issue (as hard as it will be). Then when the day comes, enjoy it. In the end, they can't be angry at you and him, only at themselves for being so selfish.

Answer 3

Girl, I know how you feel. Well, not exactly, but pretty close. My situation is a bit different, but I know how frustrated you are because of the in-laws. Myself, I honestly think it would be easier for me to just elope. However, I wouldn't have wedding day pictures to look back on, but it would take off a load of stress. It seems to me that you definitely do NOT want to elope under any circumstances. I understand. You shouldn't have to, either, just because of the in-laws. They are probably saying they won't attend to cause a riff between you and your fiance, hoping it will break you up and then his mother will have her way. (That's how I feel about my situation too). Don't let her get her way. She's being evil (to put it mildly). Explain to your fiance your feelings about not wanting to elope and tell him you should be able to have the wedding originally planned, and it shouldn't change just because his family is being stubborn. You just have to let him know how you feel. Good luck, girl, I hope everything turns out well!

Answer 4

You know your situation better than anyone, and it sounds like you want a wedding not an elopement. Either way I doubt his mother will be happy. But that is her loss.

Instead, plan a wedding that will make you and your fiance happy and comfortable.

A destination wedding with a few close family and friends is always an idea, and it cuts down on the risk of Mommy dearest crashing the ceremony.

Answer 5

where as there's nothing wrong w/eloping....this is bottom line, something that you and your fiance has to settle/discuss. You could get 100 answers here that are 50/50 either way...and then what? You're back to square one, back to having to try to come up w/a compromise w/your fiance.
I'd hate to be in your shoes right now, but I can't say that it would be fair for either one of you to force the other into either situation....you may be able to come up w/a solution that is a bit simpler than the HUGE wedding, but a little more dream-wedding like than eloping....
Good Luck

Answer 6

What about considering a planned elopement? I plan on doing this. You can go to a resort or really anywhere in the world! If you stay in a resort (say in Mexico, Hawaii, the Bahamas), most resorts have a "stay 7 nights, receive a free wedding" rule! They do all the planning according to what you want (flowers, cake, etc) and it's really quite nice. Plus, your family could attend and it would be small and intimate but still a great wedding day.

Answer 7

it form of feels that there is a huge type of drama in touch which includes your wedding ceremony. the experts of eloping contain no longer having to deal which includes your fiance's obnoxious sisters, and the value of having married would be much less. The cons contain no longer having a dream wedding ceremony at which you will surrounded via your loved ones and close acquaintances. some human beings stay to be apologetic approximately this. in basic terms you and your fiance can determine what's nice for you. don't be rash. take a seat and talk which includes your fiance and take a verify out to come returned to a determination together. terrific regards!

Answer 8

maybe you could compromise and elope and then after have a big party/reception, where you would still wear a wedding dress, have wedding cake, and all the other stuff that goes along with weddings. It'll still be a celebration of your marriage, but a tad less formal...or "elope" with just immeadiate family, like your mom and dad and siblings and best friend , then have a party reception.

Answer 9

Do whatever your gut tells you. If you will truly be devastated if you don't have your dream wedding, scr*w his family and do what you want. Remember: above all, it's YOUR day, so what YOU want is the most important.

Another thing to consider doing - go get married somewhere on a beach or in Vegas with immediate family and closest friends and then hold a "celebration of marriage" (i.e. blowout reception) afterwards. That's what my plan has always been - and there's no prospect on the horizion! =)

Good luck, and follow your heart - it doesn't lie to you.

Answer 10

Well, for one thing, you're fiance loves his mother differently than he does you, only she's not aware of that fact. She's not losing him, she's having to share. It sounds like she's very spoiled. If I were you and you want the dream wedding, I would go for it. Your fiance needs to sit down with his mother and tell her he loves you both, but in different ways. He's a man now, and looks forward to the day when he can come visit with his wife and children. Bottom line- She needs to grow up.