we had talked about porn early on in our relationship and had decided that we don't want each other viewing it.today i found pornography on my computer that he downloaded LAST MONTH.i am 4 months pregnant and i take this as a huge betrayal of trust.when i asked him about it he denied it, then admitted it, then blamed it on him trying to get some for his friends at work.i know that its total BS and even if it were true i feel like what he did is wrong.should i not be infuriated by this?to make matters worse, he told me its none of my f***ing business and laughed when i was bawling about it over the phone.i want to know what other people think...should i just move out and move on with my baby?or should i get over it...?thing is, he refuses to talk about it except to say i am overreacting.
2007-05-30 10:30:32 · 28 answers · asked by Bane 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
it's not so much the porn that is the problem - its the fact that he tried to lie to you and disrespected you enough to laugh at your distress.
alot of couples / attached men use porn, and if their partners dont mind, its not a problem. but if you do mind and he treats you like that, especially when you're pregnant, tell him to feck off
2007-05-30 10:34:17 · answer #1 · answered by monkeynuts 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
I agree with you, that is a bad decision of his. You're 4 months pregnant & you already agreed not to look at porn..I'd try to talk about it one more time and if he continues acting like he has been, maybe you should see a marriage counselor? I don't know about him or your relationship enough to give a good opinion on whether or not you should move out, but he doesn't seem to be a very nice guy judging on how he reacted when you were upset.
If he refuses marriage counseling or something of the sort, I'd tell him that you're thinking of moving out if he doesn't take this seriously and talk about it or quit looking at porn.
2007-05-30 10:34:51 · answer #2 · answered by Lane 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you had made an agreement to not look at porn, then him looking at it is a betrayel of your trust in his ability to keep agreements. Since he is laughing about it, it goes further to say that not only is he not keeping agreements but he is also disrespecting any others that were made and any made in the future between you. It is an extreme breach of trust and respect.
I would suggest that you not marry as for moving out consider the miserable factor. What percentage of the time are you miserable? The higher the percentage the more likely you will want to get out of the marriage.
2007-05-30 10:46:39 · answer #3 · answered by brighterdayscounseling 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn is bad because for one, it's a disgrace to human dignity. It creates unrealistic sexual fantasies and eventually deadens sexual emotions altogether. It's a waste of time and money. The very fact that he denied having anything to do with it in the first place demonstrates that he knows he's in the wrong. You should not let this go. I can't be one to say whether you should get out of this relationship but this is serious. It could lead to cheating possibily. Eventually porn will not be enough to stimulate him. It is your business. You are not overreacting. He needs help.
2007-05-30 10:35:58 · answer #4 · answered by David 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think your fiance is being insensitive. If you both agreed to not look at porn, then he broke his end of the bargain. I think you need to have another talk about it. The fact that you're pregnant doesn't have anything to do with it, it's the fact that you made an agreement that he broke. Furthermore, you won't want pornography around when your child is born. You might be overreacting in your actions or words, but the fact that you're upset is not an overreaction.
2007-05-30 10:35:13 · answer #5 · answered by two_kee_kees 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
hmmmm.... well yes it is wrong if he did it after your talk and agreed not to do it. the fact is guys like porn and want to watch it and do whatever. so yes its wrong and you can be mad he lied and did it but.... and its a huge but. if he wants to look at porn its not that big of a deal. him lying is more of a deal then the porn. porn is just somthing that guys like to do and look at it has no reflection on his views of you or how much he loves you. this way when your not in the mood he can handle bussiness him self. id let him know your upset about the lying and hiding and that if he wants to look at porn then dont be so shady. and hey if you give it a chance you might like it too and maybe you can enjoy it together. just be open to how he feels too and see where it goes... GOOD LUCK!!
2007-05-30 10:39:28 · answer #6 · answered by mellamojay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the porn really bothers you, then you need to move on. He likes it and isn't going to change for you. Fact is you were foolish to believe him when he told you that he wouldn't do it anymore. I like how you said "we don't want each other viewing it"...what a bunch of BS. What really happened is you let it be known that you didn't like him doing it and expected him to agree with you. You didn't give anything up as you don't like it to begin with. Like I said, you were just fooling yourself and now you are mad at him just being himself. This is really a "you" problem, not a "him" one.
Next time find a guy who feels the way you do about issues that you think are important, and next time don't want him to not be him.
That being said, you will never find a guy who doesn't like to look at porn, to think otherwise is unrealistic.
2007-05-30 10:39:04 · answer #7 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are not wrong. He is being rude and disrespectfull, AND dishonest. If his attitude is that it's not of your business and laughs at you , your relationship has tons more problems than just porn. You don't deserve for anyone to treat you that way, much less from the man who fathered your child. You guys need some serious help. I am not sure if you should walk out, but you definately cannot leave it the way it is.
2007-05-30 10:35:45 · answer #8 · answered by eagfan5 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow.. sounds like he's a loser. There is nothing wrong with porn IMHO but the way he treated you about it and making you feel MORE insecure about it instead of trying to make you feel better speaks volumes. If he is always like this when you fight.. I would say you have a tough life ahead of you with a baby and a fiance that LAUGHS when you cry.. :( Im so sorry hun. I would move on and find someone that would try his hardest NOT to make you cry and if he did.. well.. no question.. he never would. YOU DESERVE BETTER!
2007-05-30 10:35:42 · answer #9 · answered by Spooks 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I personally don't think it is that big of a deal. It's definatly not worth leaving him over it. I'd confront him and tell him you don't like it and wish he didn't do it. Unfortunatly with the internet we (speaking for guys) are exposed to all kinds of things and just at that moment of weakness there pops up some porn ad or porn site that catches our eye and we pursue it.
2007-05-30 10:38:18 · answer #10 · answered by mpalmernyc 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you are right to be upset by his betrayal of trust. He should not have lied to you nor gone behind your back like that. You have to decide if you can get past this. If you cant and you think that your relatioship is truly damaged by it, then you should leave. If you think that you two can move on and become better, then you should do that. It's truly up to you.
2007-05-30 10:39:56 · answer #11 · answered by chrystal_grove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋