My sister won't let me help her find a dress for my wedding!?

Question

She is large (a size 20) and refuses to wear a dress. She fights with me about not looking good in anything, it seems like she doesn't even want to try to look for anything.

She said that she won't wear what I think would be cute (empire-waist dress) because it looks like a maternity dress...but does she have any other choice of something looking good on her?

I have no idea how to dress a large body... i'm a size 4. What in the heck will look good on her???

She is basically counting on my mom and I to get it for her (she has mental problems {severely depressed} and isn't very functional. We have to hold her hand through everything, so just strolling into a bridal shop isn't an option.

Answer 1

Well, you are right. There is no way you have a clue how to deal with clothing a larger person - an empire waist dress is the LAST thing she should be wearing.
If she doesn't want to wear a dress, that is FINE. There are many ideas for dressy pantsuits, especially in a silk or nice knit that will look wonderful, and she will feel great and comfortable in. This can be something which looks like a suit, or also even a tunic and pants, which can look totally wonderful. At size 20 she has LOTS of options - from a department store to specialty plus-size stores. Don't drag her to bridal shops.

Answer 2

First - I think you stated the very reason: "I have no idea how to dress a large body... i'm a size 4" - exactly!!!

Empire waist - BAD choice for plus size for the exact reason she said: it looks like a maternity dress. For MOST plus size gals, a princess waist is best (no waist line) with an a-line skirt - not a full ball gown skirt, that looks aweful to. For tops: halter, sleeves or thicker straps are generally good. Avoid strapless or spagetti straps. Of course, all of those are "general" rules - different body types work with different things and WHERE she carries most of her weight can change what works and what doesn't.

My question is why does she need to wear a dress? Unless she is in the wedding party - if she is uncomfortable wearing a dress, let her wear black dress pants with a fancy dress shirt and jacket instead. This type of outfit is not only much more flattering on a plus size figure - but will probably be much more comfortable for her. Pick a feminine cut and style and she will look just as elegant and formal as she would in a dress.

Answer 3

Is she a bridesmaid? If not, then why does she have to wear a dress? I agree with her thinking on the empire waist--it does tend to look more like a maternity dress--particularly if the skirt is fuller.

I'm a size 18, and I wear alot of skirts, and wear tops that are longer in length--but then, I'm short. What about having her wear evening slacks and a gorgeous blouse? Here's a link to Nordstrom's plus sized evening dresses....there's some great ones in here too...
http://shop.nordstrom.com/C/6010541/0~2376776~2374327~6007059~6007112~6010541?mediumthumbnail=Y&P=1&origin=styleCollectionPager_numbers&pbo=6010541

Why don't you let her go shopping without you, only tell her you would appreciate having veto power over what she picks. Suggest she go to the bridal store where you got your dress, and let them help her. I'm sure she'll find something that she will feel flatters her figure, that won't make her feel self-conscious, and that you can both agree on.]

edit: Well, if she's counting on you and your mother to get it for you, and won't participate in shopping for it at all, then she has no right to complain if you pick something out that she hates. If she wants to have the input, then she at least needs to go shopping. But I do agree with everyone else, maybe your mom should take her shopping for a dress, and you can trust your mom to make sure it's something that will work. Good luck.

Answer 4

First of all she's right about the empire waist, they look god awful on a 20. Trust me I know this sort of thing, being a size 20 and wearing a 42DD bra. I recommend separates. Everyone looks good in an a-line or ballgown skirt. Let all the girls pick a top that they feel comfortable in. Personally I look good in a v-neck halter and also in off the shoulder but covering the cleavage. The key here is a really good long line strapless bra. I recommend Goddess. Also give your sister a break you have no idea how hard it is to go shopping with someone who is a size 4. Especially when nothing comes in your size.

Answer 5

Is she in the wedding? If not, you have no say in what she wears at all. She knows what looks good on her. My mom is a size 4, I've always been a size 14. My mom always tries to help, but only manages to pick out things that make me look pregnant or even bigger than I am. Trust your sister, she will find what she looks good in, as well as what she feels good in. Trust me, she has TONS of choices. The token chubby girl dress is the empire waist, but there are way more options for her & because she's use to dressing herself, she knows this. Let her find something on her own, she will look wonderful.

Answer 6

Since this is obviously w very stress filled situation let me make a little suggestion I am a size 26 and my matron of honour was closer to a size 30 when I got married back in March I would'nt have worn a dress if I hadn't been the bride so I didn't force anyone to wear anything they didn't want to. We went to Catherines and my Matron of Honour found a fabulous 3 piece blue pantsuit which I absolutely fell in love with she was afraid she would look funny as the only one in pants but ya know what she matched the other girls so good they all wore blue one had a shorter almost flapper-ish dress and the other bridesmaid had on a longer kinda plain blue formal dress noone paid a ton of money and they all looked really good together.

Answer 7

Your sister is right - empire waist will look like maternity. why are you sending her to bridal shops? She isn't the bride!! All she'll see are fancy, overpriced things that are aimed at making bridesmaids lokk silly. She is your sister, fergawdssakes! You should just be loving her and worrying about your own dress. She doesn't need to wear a dress if she doesn't want to. She might look fabulous in flowing pants and an elegant top that flatters her ample size. She will not look if you keep hassling her. Your mother should be ashamed of herself for ganging up on one daughter with the other one! And you sound like a real b-tch. your comments "don't know how to dress a large body" and "I am a size 4" (Who CARES!!) are unfeeling, callous and immature. You are NOT inviting a "large body", you are inviting YOUR SISTER! Gads. I truly hope that, in about ten years, you develop a hormonal problem that swells you up to size 48 and people treat you as badly as you are obviously treating your sister. Shame, shame,shame.

Answer 8

Well I’m a 26 and I wear a lot of different things, from dresses, to dress pants, to skirt suites. There are many shops like the Avenue and Lane Bryant that have plus sizes. Take her to places that have her size available then maybe she’ll feel more comfortable finding something that she likes. Keep in mind she have depression issues and she might not think she pretty enough to even wear something special. Encourage her and let her know she’s pretty no matter what she decides to wear.

Answer 9

You don't need to worry about dressing her. She's an adult, I assume, and can dress herself. I'm sure she'll find something lovely. Just worry about planning your wedding. Congratulations.

*Even if she has depression, that doesn't mean she's incapable of choosing her own attire. She's not mentally challenged or insane. Does she even want to attend? Why not take her into a store like Lane Bryant, and tell one of the sales people the occasion, then let your sister and the sales person look on their own and try things on? There are plenty of nice things that she can wear that are not dresses. She can wear what she wants, as long as it's appropriate for the occasion. Don't treat her with such disrespect.

Answer 10

If she won't wear a dress, a dressy evening suit would work - unless she's in your wedding party. There are shops that cater to larger sizes, you just need to look around - the shop where you or your mom got your dresses should point you in the right direction. Macy's also has a decent selection.