My bf and I have been waiting for the right time (financially) to get married and feel like that time is soon. I've been planning that day ever since I was young and had my dream ceremony location in mind and everyone knew about it, including my brother's fiancee. But after they were engaged she asked me if she could have it there. How could she put me on the spot and ask me that? I said yes but inside I was screaming no. She should have known how I felt, that this place was off limits, and she shouldn't have asked at all! It's every girl's dream to have her wedding day be special! So after a week of sleepless nights, I told them I didn't want them to have it there but she said she'd already put down a deposit. I was upset by this but what's worse is that I don't feel like she cares. She didn't even give me an apology, my brother had to say sorry for her. I feel bad putting him through this but I feel like my wedding will not be special anymore. Am I wrong? Is there anything I can do?
2007-05-30 09:38:02 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You can suck it up. It sucks not to be the first one in your immediate circle of people to have your wedding at your dream spot but honey it wasn't like you were the ONLY bride that was ever going to use that spot. Use this time to really check out the venue and see what she does or doesn't do with it so that you can see your wedding the way you want it to be. You aren't engaged yet so you really can't expect everyone you know to forgo using a location because you want to use it.
2007-05-30 09:44:14 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 9⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong for feeling upset and disappointed, but you shot yourself in the foot, so to speak, by telling her it was ok. To me, her coming to you to ask you if it was ok to have HER wedding at YOUR spot was your only real chance to say no. Had you said no, she probably would've found somewhere else. But being an obviously nice person who didn't want to cause any trouble, you said ok.
She doesn't have to apologize to you. You gave your permission, she put down the deposit and a week later you took it back. She did what she needed to do. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, necessarily, but it's the truth.
What's stopping you from having your wedding there, eventually, anyway? You act like it may be a little bit, yet, before you have your wedding, so what stops you from doing it there? Different decorations and a different theme make it a different occasion.
A wedding is about waaaaaaaaay more than a dress, a location and some cake. It's about pledging to spend eternity with the person you can't be without. Your wedding will be as special as you allow it to be, regardless of whether she gets married there first, or not.
2007-05-30 09:52:29 · answer #2 · answered by misguidedrose18 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Since you don't know if you are going to marry this guy, you may never marry him. He hasn't even popped the question, so he may not marry you. If you are as much of a spoiled brat as you sound, he probably won't marry you. Why is that place off limits to anyone but you? Since you may not be getting married at all, don't complain. Even if you were engaged, others do have the right to use that place as well. You have NO RIGHT in telling anyone where they can or can't have their wedding. You sound like you need to grow up. Neither one of them owed you any apology. YOU actually owe both your brother and his fiancee an apology for you acting like such a spoiled brat. She wasn't even obligated to ask you, since it's a PUBLIC PLACE, not LEMONSQUINA'S PLACE. So next time someone gets engaged before you do and uses that place, no having tantrums, okay? Show your boyfriend this and let him know you aren't mature enough to get married, okay? You care more about weddings than you do marriage and family anyway.
2007-05-30 10:06:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Look, having it at the same place doesnt mean a thing. Look at the bright side:
- you'll probably get a discount when you have yours
- you'll be able to tweak all the things you thought you wanted but realize you don't after you see them at her wedding
- you should feel honored that you made such a good choice that you inspired her to want the same
- after experiencing a wedding there you may change your mind!
I have known many people who are related or friends that have weddings at same place. As a guest I would either be excited if the last event was good, or looked to get out of the ones I had bad memories from
2007-05-30 14:34:01 · answer #4 · answered by ricanbronxbomb 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you said yes, how was she supposed to hear your inner scream. You were wrong, if you had said "Shelly, I know I am not even engaged yet, but as you know I have dreamed of using the location for my wedding ever since I was a little girl and I would really appreciate it if you would choose someplace else" then she probably would have been understanding and found another site, but you said yes, so she booked it.
Let this be a lesson to you, dont say what you dont mean.
2007-05-30 09:59:45 · answer #5 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Why wouldn't your wedding be 'special' if she has her wedding there too? Any place you choose, someone will have had their wedding there, so unless you get married on the moon, nothing is special.
If I was a guest at both weddings, I would love going to a place I had already been so I didn't have to learn directions to a new place. Lots of families have one place where they have all their events, weddings, parties.
By the time you are ready to have your wedding, the place might have closed.
2007-05-30 09:52:33 · answer #6 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She did ask and you did originally say yes, it's not her fault you changed your mind after the deposit was in or didn't have the guts to speak up in the beginning (she can't read minds!). She was probably a bit upset when you changed your mind later on which is why you didn't get an apology. Chalk it up to poor communication and move on. You will still have your wedding and it will be special no matter where you hold it. Who knows, you may find out the facility is horrible and makes all kinds of mistakes on her wedding. Unless she takes your colors, themes and dress ideas your wedding will still be unique. Be gracious and don't start off your relationship on the wrong foot. She will be a great resource later on when you are planning. I understand why you're upset but just remember this is her day right now and you will have yours later on, please don't make hers difficult by sulking. And if you think she will steal other ideas, don't tell her your favorite baby names ;)
2007-05-30 09:46:50 · answer #7 · answered by Meems 6 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Well this place must be a public place since a deposit was required, so yes you are wrong to be upset. First of all keep all your plans and ideas to yourself and bf. Don't let anyone know until you are sure no one will steal your ideas.
If this certain place is really where you want to have your wedding go ahead, make it your way. Your brother finacee has no feeling about others.
Get over it she isn't one to know any better.
have a great "you and him" wedding.
2007-05-30 09:47:47 · answer #8 · answered by Ms. Angel.. 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You are not allowed to get married until you grow up.
She 100% respected you by asking, you could have said no....don't put it on her, or say she "put you on the spot"... You basically lied to her about how you felt about it - and that is your mistake and your mistake only.
Your wedding will be special, you will have a different dress, different colors, different people, different date...a lot different...who the hell cares if you two have it in the same place.
Yes there is something you can do, apologize to your brother for being such a selfish baby about a PUBLIC PLACE.
2007-05-30 09:51:15 · answer #9 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 6⤊ 1⤋
What you should have done was say no from the beginning. Its your fault this is happening to you. If you would have said no from the get go, she never would have given the deposit. She came to you with respect otherwise she would have just booked it without asking you. You're the one that screwed up. I dont see why you both cant have your wedding there. Its not like its on the same day!! Stop being so selfish and stand up to your errors, you gave her permission to do this and no one is going to rub your back and say "Poor, poor bride" because you're the one that gave the permission.
2007-05-30 10:03:19 · answer #10 · answered by MariChelita 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋