Daughter had many car accidents smoked drank & wanted to stay out all night all while not talking much more than a yeah or a grunt that was supposed to be a yeah. It started she could do anything as long as the truth was told. She lied some & the rules got tighter. Prior to that she got pregnant tried to kill herself, since then I have worried sick about her every time she went out. I could not handle being walked on. It was come home sleep & hide in her room with the cell phone to her ear. We Set some rules last night she tried to follow, but I could not get past some messages from boys on a cell phone, nor could I not try to impose more rules. I told her the only thing at 18 that changed was she could leave. She left told my wife on phone at work she would join military or kill herslef. She has a boyfriend short time. Shemay move in with? I did give her a hug after we packed her in a car hers & told her in any real danger she can come back she was in local college.
2007-05-30 08:02:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
bebejor,
I am pretty worried about what you said & she is very pretty & petite doubt she would do well in the military. Any phone numbers or Idea's to help. I did throw some mean things like slut & whore in our move out conversation since she seems to be sleeping with guys in very short order. I am no saint in all this very worried.
2007-05-30 08:17:01 · update #1
JANET S,
I messed up in the 1st place telling her when she finished high school last year she was an adult in my eyes even before 18 she was 17 & 3\4. She ended up pregnant & an abortion. We were not real tight while she grew up & I work nights while mom works long hours. Mom & me argued lots over childrens up bringing. I was a Marine the day after I left high school. Had I read this board the thing to do was to have told her on graduation from high school the only thing that changes is she can leave. My bust giving her freedom & thinking she could handle it because I did. Still worried, but thanks for those who have answered.
2007-05-30 08:29:28 · update #2
This is one of the toughest times with "children". She is no longer a child, but she is your child, and right now she needs you so very much (although she'll argue that to the point of driving you crazy). You have to hang on to your calm, keep reminding yourself you are still the parent. You always will be! But your approach might need a little reworking at this point.
Sometimes if you can step back, and think about the situation as though she was your close and trusted friend, how would you speak to her? Probably not quite as passionately, and not with such an investment as to whether or not she followed your advice exactly. Don't get me wrong- I am not advocating you treat her as a friend- I am suggesting you take the time to think over the situation from this perspective. Often you will find that new ideas come to mind, and a different sense of what position to take. With our children, we are so invested emotionally, it is hard to think straight, and then things are said and done that we regret later.
She is going through that time we all have to go through-where we break away from our parents in order to try to discover who we are, seperate. For some it's hard, for some it takes years, for some they shoot right out and hit the ground running. It is what it is, and here you are, trying to find a way to support her.
That she tried to kill herself is obviously so serious, and implies that she needs someone in her life now that she can lean on and trust, that she felt she had nowhere to turn at that point.
I can tell you from personal experience, I had many of the same issues at her age-drinking, accidents, lying, trying to just break away from I didn't know what. I was so desperate and in such turmoil, and from the outside my life was fine. There was nothing going on to provoke me, my family was great, I was in school, had boyfriends etc. etc. But I was exploding inside with anguish. I was and have always been an extremly emotional being- and I was maxed out, with no idea of how to handle myself. My parents loved me, and they didn't know what to do either, they are not built the same way emotionally. So they hung in there with me, and just keep at it. They told me over and over where my boundaries needed to be, and how I was making them feel.
Eventually, I came out of it. I survived myself, basically. I had to work to regain their trust, and had to find a way to handle myself. Because through all that I got it, no one could figure this out for me anymore. But they stuck with me-and as much as I fought them, I depended on them for stability. Crazy, I know. But there you have it.
I saw a theripist for awhile, and more than anything just being able to pour out all these thoughts and feelings that I had been stuffing for so long-that I knew would hurt my folks if I told them, it just worked to get them out and then they began to loose their grip on me.
Do the best you can, maybe you can start with amending what you said to her when she left... meet with her outside your homes, someplace neutral. Talk with her honestly, and offer to be there for her beyond if it is a situation of real danger (if you can). If you set an example of how your relationship can be now, more adult, then she will follow your lead. But you have to do it-she can't take the lead on this-she's still too young. You can build new bridges if you know this too shall pass, and through it all she loves you and needs to know you love her. Good luck!!!!
2007-05-30 09:06:57 · answer #1 · answered by cosmicshaktifire? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry-why the time limit? Whatever time you give her will not make a scrap of difference. Your daughter is now an adult. As such she must realise that it is time to join the real world. She's come home because so far she's unable to face up to reality and mum and dad are the soft option.I'm sorry to say she sounds like so many who think that the comforts and privileges will be forever paid for by someone else.And in her mind that;'s you because she reckons since you've always picked up the tab from childhood you will continue to do so. If you do then you are only perpetuating the situation and there will be no pressure on her to change. This is a problem where the remedy is you have to be cruel to be kind. Take off her an amount of cash each week which will leave her with little remaining for luxuries or going out and then the penny might drop that if she wants all the things that she currently takes for granted she must earn them. Without this,she will end up being a waster and a sponger. With adulthood comes privileges but only with responsibility and self reliance.
2016-05-17 05:55:50 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is called tough love and you did the right thing, she is the one that couldn't follow the rules while living in your home. Try not to worry so much, this is not your fault. She made the choice to leave and you and your wife will probably get along much better without the stress. She is trying to make you feel guilty for giving her the LEAVE option. In her heart she knows you love her. And, at this point that is all you can do "Just Love Her".
Good luck
2007-05-30 08:18:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is never to late to try and teach our kids to be responsible adults. I think you did the right thing. I would apologize for the harsh words but I would leave the rest of the situation the way it is. Sooner or later she will realize life is a lot harder without mom and dad in it. She'll come around. Good luck!
2007-05-30 08:26:43 · answer #4 · answered by urbanluvr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Not to be judgmental, but honestly, I think 18 is too old to START making rules for your kids. Children from toddler up thrive on rules, limits, and guidelines. It teaches consequence, discipline, and respect for others. In my humble opinion, she has not learned any of these if you are starting to impose rules now. She is not as impressionable as she was at 9 or 10. She just won't see it. Her life is drawn on drama. She sees the reaction she gets from you when suicide is mentioned. That's a tough one, and if you are really concerned about her hurting or God forbid, killing herself, maybe you should talk to a hotline, or get a counselor involved to get some pointers. Good luck, and God bless.
2007-05-30 08:10:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds rough, kinda like stuff with my brother :(
but i think u did the right thing. if u can still talk to her, just make sure she knows that if she changes, u'll take her back in! otherwise, shes gonna have to learn from her mistakes. as sad as that is, if she cant take advice or get help, its the truth
2007-05-30 08:27:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anna Banana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like she is out of control. I am beginning to think that is perfectly normal with todays youth.
2007-05-30 08:11:23 · answer #7 · answered by p h 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. She knows right from wrong, now she'll choose her own path.
2007-05-30 08:07:38 · answer #8 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my msn is heartbreakersrp_@yahoo.com (with the underscore)
my myspace is heartbreakersrp@yahoo.com (with OUT the underscore)
i have to go, but i can help. maybe. plus im almost her age.
my names serina, maybe i can give advice to her and we
can be friends!
bye bye
2007-05-30 08:23:01 · answer #9 · answered by JUSTAGIRL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
take her to the recruiters office
2007-05-30 08:08:22 · answer #10 · answered by melissa s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋