Need serious help with my stepson.?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. My husbands son from his first marriage visits us every other weekend and for longer periods during vacations. I have two children and all of the children are close in age.
The problem? My children are very well behaved. (They are kids...dont get me wrong. They are not perfect. But My kids are 14 and 8, and I have yet to have a note home from school about their behavior and am asked often what I did to get such good children.) My stepson is the opposite. He lies, refuses to follow simple family rules and is constantly a problem. Its not just with us...his mother is at a loss and does not know how to handle him.
I just dont know what to do anymore. I am beginning to resent the time that he is here, because I know all of my time will be spent dealing with him and not enjoying the time we have with all of the kids.
Any helpful advice is welcome. Before you ask...we spend loads of quality time with the kids. He isnt after attention.

Thanks for that advice, but there isnt any that we havent tried. We have a great relationship with his mom and step dad and have had the whole sit down thing. He has been examined by a psychologist and does not have ADD/ADHD or any other clinical diagnosis. No,I DO NOT compare him to my other children, privately or to his face. Our children get positive attention daily. And it is the right kind of attention. My kids arent tv/video game junkies. (every night this week we have done scavenger or treasure hunts with riddles and clues. We all had a blast!) I dont think he has an agenda or ulterior motive behind his behavior. I know he truly loves his family, myself included. And I do stick by him and support him.

What it comes down to is his personality, which we all know is formed by the time a child is 3-4 years of age. He refuses to accept that lying is wrong, because it was just a small lie, or that disobeying a small trivial thing is bad.
I am of creative ideas and patience.

I am a step child.

My children are stepchildren.

He is hardly an outcast.

I am closing this question because of this type of stuff. Thanks to those who gave their positive input.

Answer 1

I can relate. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 yrs and we have the yours, mine and ours. All 7 kids ages range from 16 down to 20 month old twins. We have the same problem with my husbands 2 children. Try sitting down with your step son along with your husband and possibly his mother(that is if you are all on good terms) we are not so it makes it harder.
Sounds like he has something bothering him and once you find out what that is it will make things alot easier on everyone. I will pray for you and hope all goes well.
Trish B.

Answer 2

Sounds like its time for a parent conference (I mean with you, dad and mom). The boy is trying to accomplish something, the question is what? I would wager that he had decided that he can do anything so he will. If the three of you decide on some rules and punishments and stick to them as a team, he will be completely without any recourse but to straighten up. Start with behavior at school and such. Make a list, a rule and a consequence (this should really be the same as for your kids too, your kids may not break the rules but in the name of fairness...). Talk with all the kids and post it, in both houses. Then, if the rule is broken, the consequence happens, no question. Consequences follow the boy back and forth to each house so no bother trying to play parents off each other. Remember, it isn't the severity of a consequence that deters the behavior but the certainty of it.

Answer 3

I'm not sure how old this child is. But, I don't think he feels secure in either home and that's why he's acting out. Once a child feels secure and loved, the behavior problems stop. I have a friend who has troubled kids in and out of her home (she is a foster parent). I asked her is it difficult and she said there is a pattern. Once a new child comes, its the "honeymoon" period, their quiet good mannered and a little apprehensive. Next it's the acting out and tantrum period and that last for about 6 months, but once the child sees that you are there for them and trust you and that you truly care about them, it's all gravy from there. This child feels like an outsider in your home and most likely feels that way at his mothers as well. Does he have a room where you live? I would recommend giving him his own space, making it special just for him. Reassure him that it's his home too. And for god sake stop comparing him to your children. Your children are in a stable environment and that's why they act the way they do. Show him an enormous amount of love, trust and care, even when he messes up, he'll come around. And when he's older, he'll thank you for sticking by him in this rough time in his life.

Answer 4

Is his mother married also? Get with a professional and sit down with all the parents involved. Discuss everyone's expectations of the child. He CANNOT be compared to the other two children, the situations are completely different.

You say that he gets all the attention he wants...on a daily basis? Short of some psychological diagnosis, I'll bet he isn't getting the TYPE of attention he really needs.

Answer 5

Had the same problem and since then that child is no longer in our lives, as the mother has full custody, refused to do anything about his behavior and we were/are scared to have the child even around ours/mine. I know that's horrible, but that's what happened. The child most recently accused his own next door neighbor of sexual abuse (untrue).

Answer 6

One suggestion would be sending him to a summer camp. The counselors deal very well with discipline issues, and maybe he just might straighten up for a little while when he is there. At the end, you and your husband can ask them about his behavior and if they have any suggestions on how to deal with him, what his interests were when he was there. Maybe if he had something he really like, like a hobby, it might divert his aggression to something good.

Answer 7

This guy does not love or appreciate you. it somewhat is that this way of greater advantageous situation than the doorstep-son residing with you after the child is born. He has important subject concerns and he basically does not care the way you experience approximately something. Any guy who demands that if something could desire to ensue to you which you're able to desire to enable the ex-spouse's sister have the child is somewhat off his rocker (I propose in case you knew her and he or she became right into a huge area of the family members and there became into no person else, no issue). he continues to be a newborn and performing like it. He has never experienced the starting to be up and transforming into a determine degree. i think of you chosen the incorrect guy to have a newborn with. i'm so sorry you do not desire to hearken to that precise now - you desire to comprehend a thank you to make it greater useful and livable and salvagable and that i do exactly not see it. in case you deliver his 'perfect pal' away - he will resent you and finally the child. he's a newborn and he does not have the grownup theory-approximately compromise - its all approximately self gratification. As for the epidural - his ex did not? WTF does that could desire to do with something - WHO CARES what she did or believes in - it somewhat is approximately YOU. do not enable him administration you like that. He could desire to care much less the way you have theory-relating to the perfect delivery and is unwilling to compromise - so tell him to not come it is going to likely be plenty greater relaxing without him. finally you will see how plenty greater useful off you would be without him. . .

Answer 8

he's a step child............whatdou expect? do you think its easy being an outcast?