My 5 yr. old is OUT OF CONTROL... I am at wit's end.. what do I do?????

Question

My 5 yr. old daughter is an angel at school and is the best when we are around strangers... but, when she is w/ people she is completely comfy w/ , she gets out of control. She talks back continously, she swears, she tears things up of her sisters on purpose, and she thinks she is boss....She weighs 70 lb.s and is very tall for her age and very hard for me to make sit in the corner.. .I have almost tried every outlet.. I dont knwo what else to do.

I dont think i am a bad parent so for those of you who are bashing me, hear this, I have tried everything I can at home.. I have tried a spanking, I have tried consistency. I have tried putting her on a fun schedule just like school. I have been offered therapy for her and think that i am about to accept, but, am not sure how that will affect her emotionally!

Answer 1

if possible...when you are going to be visiting the people she is comfy around (grandma, aunts, uncles, I'm assuming?) as hard as it may be, and as much as they want to see her.....get a babysitter, and explain to her that the reason she is going to the babysitters, is because unfortunately you just can't "trust" her to behave herself around those certain people, this worked wonders with our daughter, a few times of me going to Mamaws without her and then coming home and telling my husband all the "fun" things we got to do cleared that problem up right away.

as far as talking back...not sure what you have tried yet, but a few combinations have worked for us....3 red pepper flakes on the tongue (and no she did not just sit there and let us...but I promise we did not hurt her in anyway to get them in there, and even though she spit them out....the heat stayed on the tongue) followed by amazingly losing our hearing for the day when she wanted something from mommy and daddy, the strange occurance was....we only lost our hearing when she was talking, didn't matter if it was nice or not...we just simply couldn't hear her.

as far as swearing goes, I can't help you there, we are one of those extremely odd parents, where our family never uses them...and yes I seriously mean..never, ever, a bad word in our house is a word like "stupid, dumb, hate, idiot, ugly....etc" that includes movies and music that contain them or violence....it did make for some private laughs between me and my husband when she began to learn rhyming words, and ran down the alphabet with the work DUCK....i'm sure you get the picture. (yes we did recently explain to her that there are words that she will hear, that are not good words, that nobody (kid or adult) should ever say, but no...she does not know what those words are yet)

damaging other people's property? does she get any kind of allowance? if so....money needs to be taken out to replace those things (even if it is just paper) and if no allowance, next time there is a trip to the store....everyone else gets a piece of candy....but her. (Or some other treat)

as far as not being able to make her stay in the corner....unfortunately...I've never come across this problem so I'm not sure there, it doesn't sound like she is the type of child where a spanking would work...so maybe, even if she doesn't stay in the corner, still take away the toys, and anything to keep her occupied? tv, etc,

hope this helps and remember....this usually doesn't last, it does actually usually end up being just a "phase" once they realize the only attention they want is "good attention" they usually end up doing what they need to do to get that.

oooooh, another thing....one that worked for my friend, a behavior chart, she kept a behavior chart for her 3 children, and for each good behavior mark (they didn't get the mark unless they behaved the whole day) they got to write down something they wanted to do on a piece of paper, and put it in their jar.....at the end of the week, the child with the most marks gets a paper picke out of his/her jar, and the family gets to do that activity, for each misbehavior mark...mom and dad get to write a punishment on a piece of paper, that goes into the a jar, the child with the most misbehavior marks had to take a piece and do that punishment. it has worked wonders for her children.

Answer 2

40 some odd years ago if I or one of my brother or sisters misbehaved, my mom or dad would just quietly(on their part) take us by the hand and put us in our room and close the door. There we stayed until we could act like reasonable human beings. If one of us tried to open the door it would be locked from the outside. Again, when we chose to act in a way that was human we could come out. There was no yelling or spanking or screaming threats by our parents. We knew the consequences of certain behaviors. I use the word punishment (but I looking back really don't think it was) was swift and just. It seems your daughter is old enough to know when and where and with whom she can pull crap. She should be taught that in YOUR home she will not be allowed to DISRESPECT you. The stage is now being set for the teenage years and if you think it is bad now just wait. She has shown by her behavior in other places that she knows what is appropriate.

Answer 3

I am not trying to bash you here...you say that you have "tried consistency"...I have to wonder how much time you have given this consistency.
To me this is key: choose a discipline, give it TIME, and do NOT waiver, no matter what. You cannot try one thing for a couple days (or even a week might not be long enough), then switch to something else. She is not going to take you seriously. She has to know who rules the roost, period. She HAS to know consequences.
If it has reached the point where you think counseling is necessary or could work, try it. I know you're concerned about how it could affect her; but there is no way to know until you try.
Wishing you the best of luck!

Answer 4

Consistant punishment. Confidence in your parenting. If you were both of these things there wouldnt be a problem.

Step back and reevaluate. I know that sounds harsh, but given the info you gave, its a dead give away.

Teach her how to behave, hold her accountable for it, and punish her RIGHT away at the FIRST sign of disobedience, with the SAME punishment every time. See it through to the end EVERY TIME. Time out can work just as well as a spanking. Although I believe in both. Whichever you choose is up to you, but being the same every time is the key.

Iam sure that this is how it goes in your house: "Amy, stop that, stop it now. Dont do that, if you dont stop iam going to put you on time out. I mean it, i will take away your TV. Amy Iam getting angry, thats it. ONE. TWO. AMY IAM SERIOUS!"

Dont do that. Sit her down, tell her, "Amy, this is how I expect you to behave. You need to obey me. We dont do such and such, and I expect you to not do those things." Now she knows not to do something. When she does it, fall on her like the plague. You dont need a warning. Grab her up, remove her from the situation, sit her down on time out, or spank her butt two quick swats and tell her "We dont do this, I expect you to behave". And either finish time out, or what have you. After its over, tell her you love her, and you expect her to be a well behaved little girl, because you want good things for her. And turn her loose again.

Answer 5

Therapy can only help...If you're worried about how it will effect her emotionally, try to compare this to the emotional effects of life if she continues on her current path.

You don't need to tell her that she's going to see a doctor who will fix her...or even imply that she's broken. Just let it be a series of conversations with someone who is going to try to help you all get along better. If you're going to go that route, I highly recommend that you get everyone in the family involved...I'm not sure if it would be best to do this as a group, or with everyone individually, but this clearly is effecting the whole family, so it can only help to ensure that everyone is bringing up their issues.

Answer 6

You need to let her you mean business. It seems to me that you let her walk all over you and she thinks you have no say in her actions. She is 5 so you need to be MORE stern. I am not for beating kids but I bet this will work. Next time she swears at you slap her right in the face. I bet she wont do it again.

Thats crazy....a 5 year old swearing. Why have kids if you dont know how to keep them in line. And that corner crap doesnt work, just makes there legs stronger.

Answer 7

Have you read the book by either nanny 911 or supernanny (don't know which one actually put it out as we had it from the library and i can't remember which it was... think it was supernanny). Try using some of their techniques, they're great! Most importantly, BE CONSISTENT and follow through on anything you say. If she does well at school, maybe she just needs a little more structure at home.

Answer 8

Sounds to me like your child is seeking attention and negative attention is far better than no attention as far as a child is concerned. She knows she will get lots of atention by acting out.

She obviously wants YOUR attention so acting out in other arenas doesn't get yoru attention.

I don't know how much positive attention or one-on-one quality time you have for your child but it sounds like she's not getting enough or she gets MORE attention by acting out.

I would never ever spank a child. I feel that is physical abuse and violent.

It sounds like you are the one that needs the counseling or both you and your daughter.

Good luck!

Answer 9

GET INTO COUNSELING!!!

There are MANY programs out there for YOU and YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY that can and will help you with this situation.

Child & Family Services
Child Protective Services

Both offer counseling for kids and families.

My kids are the same exact way! They are somewhat older and KNOW better, YET they still carry on like 2 yr olds!

I have started NOT listening to them!
Ignoring their BAD behaviour NOT listening to the WHINING / CRYING!
Making them LEAVE ME ALONE!
Taking away MOST ALL PRIVELIDGES!
NOT giving into their every want/whim.
Swatting them when it gets REALLY out of control.
Getting INTO their face when it goes above & beyond what I can tolerate.

Answer 10

Soap in the mouth for the swearing and a good old fashion spanking for the rest. She thinks shes boss...prove her wrong.