My sister-in-law approached me at a party for my mother and said "Your mother doesn't know what's wrong with you. She says she can't talk to you and I'm more of a daughter to her than you are." And I'm sure she said it.
While my mother and I have never been confidantes, I feel I've always been there for her. My family and I had driven 5 hours to be at this party for my mother and I've always been there when she needs me and have spent every holiday with her. It's also true that I moved away young because she's very controlling and critical and I didn't want to be too close.
But I thought that was a very hurtful thing to say (and relay) and I'm ready to limit my dealings with both of them. Am I overreacting?
2007-05-30 06:52:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You are not overreacting, Even though you recognize the emotional distance between you and your mother her remark was meant to do nothing but hurt you and for her to gloat over it. I see why you distance yourself. Take care of you and your immediate family and forget these negative hurtful selfish people.
2007-05-30 07:05:20 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually, I think you are overreacting. There's an old saying, "You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family." Your mom will always be your mom and if you stop all cotact, you will regret it, especially since you're so close.
However, you can choose to limit your contact with your sister-in-law. I think it was very wrong for her to say that and she probably knew it would hurt your feelings. I think you should tell her that: "The things you said were very hurtful and even though they might be true, I love my mother too much to care."
But never tear yourself away from your mom. My mom tells me things I don't want to hear, but she's very protective and only wants what's best.
2007-05-30 14:06:06 · answer #2 · answered by Treasure 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, that was a bit harsh!
I suppose it was a private conversation between mother and daughter-in-law and shouldn't have been mentioned quite so bluntly. Your sister-in-law is at fault here.
I have a very volatile relationship with my mother and yes, I moved half way around the world to get away from her. My mother has a nasty tongue. Absense makes the heart fonder and we get on very well now, most of the time. Seh still does stupid things though. When I went to visit her she offered to babysit my brother's daughter every day at their house in the next town "because she has to help". Grr. It was only when I told her that I wasn't going to spend all that money on visiting her not to have her there, that she thought about it.
I'd make allowances. I'd say to your mother that you are sorry she feels that way. And do you know what, if your mother finds her dil easier to get on with, then let them get on with it! You are still her daughter. But that was a nasty thing to say to you and personally, I would be very satisfied at seeing how uncomfortable everyone would be with your knowing she said it.
But I wouldn't cut them off. Get over it. :)
2007-05-30 14:05:20 · answer #3 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it depends--Do you think your mother wanted this hurtful comment to get back to you? If so, yes I would limit contact with both these individuals. If you think you're sister-in-law just blurted something out that she shouldn't have or even made it up I would talk to your Mom about it and see how you can work things out.
Good luck to you.
2007-05-30 14:30:13 · answer #4 · answered by Ruth E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not overreacting. Although your mother probably should not have said that it find it absolutely horrific that your sister-in-law would repeat it.
If my mother-in-law said that to me I'd be very uncomfortable and embarrassed for them both.
Your sister-in-law is acting like a child with her, "Mom loves me best." stories and I personally wouldn't trust her with anything.
2007-05-30 14:16:25 · answer #5 · answered by Nic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, I don't think you are overreacting. I think that if your mother said that in the first place, then she is digging her grave. Just back off and see how she handles it. Also, if your sister actually had the nerve to come up and say that to you, then you should also back off from her. Show them that you don't need them to be happy. You are happy on your own. I
2007-05-30 13:57:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I think it was rude of your sister-in-law to tell you these things. Your relationship with your mother is private and none of her business. It seems that she is trying to compete with you and maybe feels inferior to you.
I think you are right to limit your dealings with her, but still stay close to your mother. Maintain your relationship with her and continue to be there for her.
2007-05-30 14:09:57 · answer #7 · answered by Stareyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister in law might be trying to be messy you should go to the source and make sure that your mom actually said it !
2007-05-30 14:05:54 · answer #8 · answered by iculookin0422 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋