Worried but hoping for the best...?

Question

I am expecting my second child with my husband. We are so excited because we have tried for so long. My daughter is not his real child but does treat her as his so this is our first. My husband does have a son from his first marriage and he was born with a lot of problems. His son will be 5 this year, he was born with one of every organ that should have 2 all accept his lungs he has 1 1/2 and is on a breathing tube and will not eat solids. I think what he has is Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia. Now, no one else on my husbands side has ever had any problems like this...none of his siblings and none of his nieces and nephews or parents. So does this just happen or is it genetic? I love my step son and I will love my new baby very much no matter what...I mean I know it would scare any parent to find out that something is not right with there child. I do not want to say anything to my husband because I have already started to and he told me to shut up and not think like that...he said

everything would be ok. I know that upset him so I do not want to go back into it. I don't know how to find out though... I mean the nurse practitioner will go over health history with us on Friday b/c it is my first visit. Do you think I can get an answer then? I just really want to know if it is genetic. Any advice you can give would be helpful. thank you!!

I am only 6 weeks along.

Answer 1

This is something you should definitely mention to your OB. They may be able to tell you more and, if they feel there is a risk, suggest genetic screening for your and your husband, as well as increased vigalance (with possible testing on the baby) during your pregnancy.

It is understandable that your husband does not want to talk, or even think, about the chance of another child he fathers havng similar health issues as his first child. Any parent would carry a huge load of guild and "what if's" in that situation. More than likely, as excited as he is over a new baby, he is also just as likely terrified that he will "hurt" this baby like he thinks he did the first. More than likely, he will resist any genetic counseling or testing, simply because he doesn't want to know. This will be a tough subject to broach. Talk with your OB first and, if possible, your husband's family to see if they can give you the information you may need. Also, if his relationship with his family is strong, they may be willing and able to help you talk with him over this and explain the importance of knowing as much as you possibly can. If talking with his family is not workable, than consider asking a close friend, the leader of your church or someone he is close to and trusts to help you with this. You will need to reassure him that whatever the test results are, that you know he loves the baby and you. He may be afraid that if he does know about any possible birth/health issues before the baby is born, that he will want to terminate the pregnancy. This is something both of you should discuss. Your both know the effort, sacrifice and emotional toll of raising a child with severe special needs. While the parents of these children would never trade them for anything (and as the mother of an autistic child I do have some idea of this) we do know that is not always the easiest path to walk or the one we would choose. Termination is something only you and your husband could decide...and if is would not be an option under any circumstances, than you can decide to just go with the pregnancy and not undergo any testing. But none of this can be decided alone. Talk to your doctor, find a way to talk with your husband. To leave it hanging will cause you more stress and worry and that can have a negative impact on your pregnancy and health.

Answer 2

You should definitely bring this up at your doctor visit and until then try not to worry about it too much (I know that is easier said than done). The doctors will be able to tell you if it is likely a genetic thing. Just remember that your husband's son got his genes from your husband and his mother so you child will not necessarily have a genetic condition that a half sibling has. Try not to keep asking your husband about it. He is probably just as worried as you and may be feeling like if something is wrong you will think it is his fault. So just think positive and talk to the doctor about all of your concerns. You already had one healthy baby. Odd are this one will be healthy too.

Answer 3

I would make sure to bring it up with doctor. Tell your husband that you plan to bring it up before hand, so he will be prepared when you bring it up with the doctor.

Answer 4

My advice is to pray. Remember that every baby is a blessing, one who is special, is only that much more of a blessing.