i need help i heve a two year old and a 8 month old and no break and dang sure no sex life with their dad HELP

Question

please help me i have two under two and i have no time for me i cant even take a bath alone im lucky to get one day a month for me and i swear im losin it i love my kids and my husband but i need a break too all i do is cook clean and change diapers and LISTEN TO SCREAMING 24 HOURS A DAY i need help finding some me time what do i do i feel like such an awful mom because i need a break i feel like i dont deserve it becausse i had my kids i should be the only one to take care of them but its hard the only interaction i have is with my kids because i am a stay at home mom so its just hard all i hear is baby talk all the time what do i do i need some me time desperatly but i feel so awful for thinking that much less saying it plus me and my husband fight constantly because im always to tired to have sex so im very scared that he will cheat on me because his sex drive is HUGE please help me give me all the advice u can i need it please
thank you
kat

Answer 1

Try asking one of your friends or family members to babysit one night a week so that you and your husband can be alone and go out. Your husband needs to understand that you're home taking care of the kids which is the BIGGEST job ever so he needs to take it easy. He should have no reason to cheat on you. You're taking care of business like you're supposed to with the kiddies. Maybe the two of you can take turns watching the kids while the other naps or relaxes. Do look into the babysitting once a week thing though. I'm sure it'll help your husband and you a lot. Good luck!

Answer 2

Well you could always just leave them with your husband and go for a walk. You should not feel like a bad parent for needing a break otherwise you will have a nervous breakdown. Another option is to try a mother's day out program where you children go to an activity center for a couple of hours so mommy's can get a small break. I know how you feel especially since i'm a working mom that works 70 hours a week plus i go home and do the cooking cleaning and mommy stuff. Just tell your husband "I need a break an hour or two you have to stay with the kids" other than that is there a family member close to you that you could see if they will watch them for a little while?? And if you argue about being tired tell him that if he could watch the kids so you can get a little break maybe you won't be so tired all the time. Seriously your gonna break if not. My baby's are 7 and 2 so i know the feeling. Feel free to email me if you need to talk

Answer 3

I had three kids under the age of three (and none of them a multiple birth!) so I totally understand how you feel, and its normal!!! I felt like all I did was wipe butts all day! It really made me crazed for a while, looking back. Anyways, what helped keep me sane - I worked really hard to get my kids on a good sleep schedule - they went ot bed by 7pm on the dot, so I'd get some alone time with my husband in the evening, but I also didn't haev to stay up too late and be exhausted the next day. And don't be afraid to get a break occasionally - you are a better mother when you get a break from your kids - you then have more patience and energy for them. Do you have any family, grandparents nearby, that would be willing to babysit? All you need is a couple of hours every week or two, and you will feel like a new woman. And try to hire a sitter once a month or so, so you can go out to dinner with your husband. There is nothing like dressing up, having adult conversation, and a few drinks to get you in the mood. :)

I can give you hope.... my kids are 6, 4 and 3 now - it does get better! You got a little ways more to go - when your youngest is two it'll be much easier. It seems far away, but I look back now and it flew by.... Hang in there!

Answer 4

I know that feeling. First of all, while you may feel tired, allowing your husband to "romance" you for awhile will help relieve a lot of that stress. Secondly, you need to reign in the insanity. Have the kids help you and get your housework done during the day. Even the eight-month-old can put silverware in the tray in the dishwasher,etc. Your 2-yr-old can pick up toys (the little one can help too) and can help you start and change over laundry. After the bedtime rush, make sure the dishwasher is loaded from the day and the last load of laundry is in the dryer. Then BE DONE! No more housework! Take that time to read, watch grown up TV, chat with Dad, take a bath etc. Try a website like FlyLady.com to help with some easy ways to stay ahead of the housework and still have time for yourself. You do deserve a break, it will help you be a better mom, a better wife, a better you. Relax and take a little break. Besides, 15 minutes of playing with the kids and forgetting about the housework is like spending hours teaching an older child to add, it is really worth it.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with feeling overwhelmed. Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work... it is the hardest job I have ever done... and I used to teach 8th Grade in a tough neighbourhood.

Being a mom is like going to work for a 12 hour shift and then having a pager on for the other 12 hours that goes off constantly. Then, there is the housework. And meals. Seems that time for you is the last thing.

For me, (I am at home with my 2 year old son and we just moved to a new city in December), I checked out bulletin boards, online communities, and just asked around the neighbourhood in the park and on the street. The library was a good resource too. There are lots of kids activities out there... Little Gym, YMCA, music classes that you can do with your kids. It is a great place to meet other moms. A good break is a gym membership (I know... that is work!!) with a daycare so that you can go and work out (or lounge by the pool!) for an hour or so, have a shower... once you have some time to yourself, the desire (and energy) for sex will return.

Also, think about trading babysitting with another mom... you take her kids for a half day and she takes your for another half day...

Answer 6

Kat,

You need to regain control!

Have a date night. Hire a baby sitter, or get a friend or family member to take the kids for a few hours. Enjoy time with thier dad! He needs you almost as much as the kids do.

Let dad know that if he helps with the kids for an hour a day, so you can take a bath, shave your legs, take a nap, whatever....... than you may be more likely to spend "quality" time with him.

Join a MOPS group. I will enclose the link below. This would get you some adult conversation with other mothers that are going through the same things you are!

When my biggest kids were little we were friends with another couple, and we shared taking care of each others kids (each took one weekend night a month) at no charge, so we could have time, without costs.

Get as much of a routine as you can. Maybe take an afternoon nap with your children, so you aren't so tired when he gets home.

Answer 7

It sounds like your husband needs to take a more active role with the kids. After dinner, he needs to take the kids for an hour and give you time to relax. Even if it's every other night. And then every other Saturday or Sunday, he could give you a few hours.

Another thing I found helpful was to get and keep on a schedule. At least with the 2 year old you can - dinner at a certain time, bath, and bed at a certain time. It may be a fight, but it is so worth it. I have my kids in bed by 8:30 every night (unless we're out) and then I have 2 hours or so to myself or with my husband before bed.

Answer 8

I have three kids 4 and under so I know where you are coming from. I started staying up at night for awhile after they go to bed (at 9). I make sure all the housework and everything is done when they go to bed so I can have some alone time. I take a shower then too. You will find that those two or three hours really help you not lose your mind. Good Luck!

Answer 9

I have 2 kids as well. Even though they're 4 years apart, I can relate to the frustration and exhaustion that comes with babycare. Thankfully, my husband and I were able to come to an agreement with taking turns getting up at night with the baby, and giving each other time off during weekends. If his drive is HUGE as you say, he should have plenty of energy to help with the kids and give you some time for yourself. He'll find that it's to his benefit as well when you aren't so tired that all you can do is crash at the end of the day.
It also helps if you can get the babies on some sort of schedule, if there's variety in their daily activites, but they have a routine and regularity, they'll be happier and more secure. It'll also give you little breathers throughout the day, for example when they're napping, you can catch a bit of sleep as well. Include them with simple chores, ie: baby can sit in their stroller or on a playmat while the toddler helps you "fold" laundry. Most toddlers love being included with simple activities like dusting, setting out silverware, watering plants, etc.
Try to find some good children's shows which are fast paced but educational and keep their attention, then you can keep an eye on them while preparing dinner, or even just sit nearby reading your favorite magazine.
One last thing, at this point it's physically exhausting to care for children this age, but it doesn't last forever. They grow up, there's an end to the seemingly perpetual string of diapers, less messes, less screaming, they'll sleep throughout the night but believe it or not, you'll miss the baby stage, so try to enjoy it while it lasts and make the best of it.
Good luck!

Answer 10

just relax, or at least breath, just see if you can dump the kids off on a grandparent, or if at all possible see if that can happen for a week or so and get a vacation with you and your hubby, and as for the afraid of cheating, get his *** in line he's got 2 kids and to even think that is a possibility, i think he needs some prolonged time with the kids to see how it is and he would understand