Hit me the other day because I had already ask her nicely to get off the computer and phone and do her report for school- After about 10 times asking her - I got up to unplug the everything- she got angry and hit me in the face and pulled my hair- She called me names and I had her pack her some stuff to go to her grandmas - I told her to just live there- and to call me when she grows up- Now she wants to come back home- I o miss her - But I cannot take being beat on by my own daughter- We both are like 130 pounds. she is strong- but i will not fight her - never - but should i let her come back home? she has only been living with me for 3 months now - for the last four years - she has been living temporaril;y with the grandparents because of domestic violence issues. I got her back - then this- I feel like a failure- all i wanted her to do was her report- which she ended up doing in 20 minutes at grandmas- I should probably let her stay at grandmas for a while huh??? Thanks
2007-05-30 02:42:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Environment ➔ Other - Environment
The first thing I wonder is what kind of domestic violence issues sent her to her grandmas for four years, and you don't have to post it, cause I'm sure it's personal, but maybe that's a source of her anger, and maybe that's why she's not learned to deal so well with her anger... if she's seen other adults in her early life that couldn't deal with theirs. I don't mean any offense by that, but from the stories I've heard my father was extremely abusive to my mother, and my sister grew up in it, and then when my mom found out she was pregnant with me, she left him. Although I was never around it I have a lot of resentment, and I know that violence is NEVER right, but deep down I always imagined that my mom provoked it (not that she deserved it), and I blamed her a lot for never knowing my father (he died when I was 7). I guess what I'm saying is if your family was torn apart because of domestic violence (which is what I'm reading between the lines) she might still have some deep issues from that... I'm 22 and I still have issues. I would get her some counseling, and also get family counseling. Simply for the reason that she's got her own issues she needs to work through, and in family counseling you are in the room with her and their might be things she wont feel comfortable talking about in front of you, and she wont be able to talk through HER problems as well, but you two defiantly need some family counseling to work on rebuilding your relationship, so I would get her counseling, and get family counseling. Best of luck to you though... I hope it all works out, oh and NEVER let her get physical with you, stand your ground or she's just going to keep pushing it further and further!
2007-05-30 03:48:25 · answer #1 · answered by Dee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry your having so much trouble with your daughter.
Before you allow her to come home she should go to counseling and work on her anger issues and you should go too, so you can work on your relationship together. It sounds like you both have a lot of healing to do.
Of course I don't know all the details, but it sounds like she may blame you for whatever happened in the past, even if it wasn't your fault and she may know it, that resentment is probably still there.
Don't do this on your own, a counselor would be a buffer between the two of you and since he or she is not emotionally involved they can see more clearly what is really going on and give you ways to get along with each other.
I hope this helped, my prayers are with you. Good luck.
2007-06-02 17:35:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, as a mother, you know that only a doctor can answer that question when it comes to your daughter. Because she is already sexually active, then you already know that she should be checked for std's, sti's and a pregnancy test. Also, if spotting is the only side effect that you're worried about, then you, yourself need to do more research on birth control. My birth control options were restricted due to my family history. Does she also smoke or do drugs? Those are also factors that need to be considered. Even though you are trying to do the right thing, in certain states, you may open yourself up to child neglect charges for allowing this to happen. After all, she is still a minor.
2016-05-17 04:08:00 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say that, but your kid is really spoilt. Why don't you ask your husband to give her a thrashing?If you don't want to beat her, then I suggest you remove all forms of entertainment from her, like the computer, television, everything. Set pin codes. Oh yeah, take her mobile phone too. And if she beats you again, persevere with the punishment. The laws of protecting children are meant for good in western countries, but somehow I think it's not good.
I'm Chinese, and my family rules are stricter. I've never hit my parents before or called them names, but I know what'll happen if I do. But I've been brought up not to be like that, and I think if you beat your child once only she'll learn.
2007-05-30 02:59:33 · answer #4 · answered by gaga 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to have a sit down with her at grandmas house. You need to ask her if she understands why you sent her there. You two need to come to an agreement over what the rules are in the house. If she can understand and abide by those rules then let her come home. But you need to be very clear when you explain that hitting is not an option and if it happens again that you will turn her over to the authorities, not send her to grandmas house. Do not let her get away with that behavior. But most of all you need to explain that you do love her and that you want her in your life, but it has to be with certain rules and guidelines.
2007-05-30 02:53:46 · answer #5 · answered by swksmason 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
WOAH! Do NOT let her come home. I know you want to, but you should know that the second she wants to come home and you do..bam! Shes back in charge of you again. Constantly remind yourself that this girl is 14! She is not your boss, or her own. You pay the bills, you run the show. However, you should probably speak with her on the phone, meet up for dinner, etc. to show her that you love her. She needs to clearly understand that hitting anyone is wrong. She's 14, not 4. or when in doubt, you could call the Maury show!
2007-05-30 02:49:42 · answer #6 · answered by Jamie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you do let her back you need to sit down with her and set some house rules , and some appropriate punishments to go with breaking them. It also would help if you both went to individual and family counseling. I have a 15 year old daughter who did the same thing with me. Good luck
2007-05-30 03:34:47 · answer #7 · answered by bethan2028 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to hit her back, but you do need to use tough love. Do NOT let her get her way, regardless of how she acts, and she'll learn not to act that way. That said, assault and battery are against the law, and it doesn't matter if she is 14. If she really wants to act like that, treat her like an adult: call the cops on her. No joke. In the meantime, you need to get yourself AND her into family counseling right away. You don't have to live like this, but odds are you will need some help. Good luck!
2007-05-30 02:51:56 · answer #8 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i would no child should ever strike there parents let her stay there for a while and cool off.Maybe she will realize what she did was wrong. Set boundries and rules for her tell her if she raises a hand to yuo again you will call the cops adn put her in a detention home if you do not put a stop to her violence now she may carry it on when she has children and be violent with them no granmother wants to see there grandbabies beat on. Good luck
2007-05-30 02:50:35 · answer #9 · answered by superthunda 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
im 14 and i no wot she did was rong but she will b feeling 10 times as bad as u will b feeling i WAS pregnant (had a misscarriage) and do scared to tell my parents but i find out i took my anger out on them coz i felt like i had no 1 to talk to..... try talkin to her and finding out if she is ok . but i do understand ur point ur comin from let her calm down and u calm down then start over again
2007-05-30 03:15:40 · answer #10 · answered by cloe b 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋