I would like to know other mothers views on spanking their children. I have a 16month old that responds best?

Question

to a little tap on the hand when he is doing something wrong. As a social worker, i have told many of my clients that it is not abuse or illegal to spank their children, at least for now. And I would stress the importance in establishing authority with their children in order to maintain control. I get out raged with i see people lobbying for parents to stop spanking their children. Do you think they are trying to take away our rights as parents? Do you think spanking is breeding criminals, or lack their of? I think about my little old maw maw telling me before i had my son to start popping his hand very early and that would establish my authority in the beginning and this has seemed to work because he is such a well behaved little boy. How thin of a line is there between discipline and abuse? I don't think it is as thin as most people now do, but i would like to hear what you think.

Also, i am from the south, so many people around me share my views, that is why i want to know what other people around the country think, put the state that you live in your answer

One more addition, i am not looking for advice on handling my child. I am comfortable with spanking my son and i am not looking for advice on how to handle him, i am just taking a poll to undertand where other people are on this issue

Answer 1

I share your views almost word for word. Any time my children are out of line we have a 3 strike rule- 1st time "No, don't do that..." 2nd time- "TIME OUT - and this is why...." and if there is a third time after that, smack on the hand. (and yes, with an explanation to follow... "You were told it was wrong twice...")

I, too, tire of hearing people equating a smack on the hand or tush to a beating with a belt or hits that leave marks or bruises... totally not the same!

Answer 2

I am from Cali. I think spanking is a great discipline when done correctly. I do spank my daughter who is 3 and started lightly tapping her hand at 6 months old. I am constantly getting comments on what a great kid she is and how she behaves so well. Now that being said I do think it depends on the child. Such as for Emmaleigh she doesn't like receiving a time out so I use that first and then if the behaviour doesn't change I switch to a spank. I was spanked growing up almost beat frankly but it didn't kill me and I didn't hate my parents they thought they were doing what was right and they were young. And I am a contributing member of society never did anything illegal or even thought about doing anything illegal. Anywho hope that helps :o)

Answer 3

I don't beleive in spanking as a first resort. As was said above "three strikes" first a warning, second a time out, third a spanking, or light tap on the hand. Everything always followed with an expanation, and never in anger. There is a differance between a beating and a spanking....spanking is not abuse. I don't think that spanking or not spanking is breeding criminals, but those parents who have no disipline at all are....What many people don't realize is that every child is differant, and what works for one might not work for another....times out alone might work great for one kid, but not another.....and each situation needs a different degree of punishment....spanking has its place and can be very affective when used properly. ANother thing is a think the "anti-Spanker" is they feel that it is done every time the child does the slightest thing wrong....not true....most parents who spank us it as a last resort after a warning or time out....and out of the 1000s of spanking parents.....1 might turn into abuse, which spanking or not is going to happen, even if spanking were illegal, that would happen.

Answer 4

Spanking should be a last resort and never done in anger, which is often the hard part for parents. Hand smacking should be reserved for dangerous situations.

For some kids, spanking or the fear of spanking can really
be a deterrent. It really depends on the temperament of the child. For my daughter, being sent to a room by herself is more agonizing for her than anything else would be.

There are others ways to establish authority without spanking, if the other methods are used consistently. And you also do kind of wonder if it is right to teach your kids that inflicting pain is an acceptable way to correct behavior. I mean it's kind of hypocritical to spank a child for hitting.

Some parents don't spank because they fear that if they start spanking that they will not be able to control their anger and stop. I think for a lot of people there is a thin line between one swat on the bottom and physical abuse.

Your son is 16-months-old. He may just be easy-going by nature. I am kind of leery of that kind of discipline, though, before at least 18-months of age, because many little ones are unable to make the discipline connection yet.

I seem to remember seeing a study that did find a connection between excessive spanking and criminal rates. It was talking about how excessive spanking can erode parent/child trust and eventually undermine parental authority. Loss of parental authority often leads to disrespect for all forms of authority. Such people also felt that it was alright to inflict pain on others since it was inflicted on them. I can't remember which book I found that in, though.

And, I am not sure that being Southern has that much to with it. I am Southern, and I am not sure that spanking is appropriate or necessary in most situations.

Answer 5

I think there is a big difference between a slap on the hand and child abuse, and fail to understand how people can equate the two! My children have received hand taps when they've reached for hot items or otherwise put themselves in danger. That said- I have never spanked my children other than a single quick hand tap .... not because I am opposed to it, but because I have never had reason to. They have always responded well to verbal corrections (and the occasional hand tap) and are extremely well behaved. Spanking a child on the hand is not abuse if it is done correctly (ie- not done without just cause). I DO think that hitting with an object of ANY sort (including a belt) IS abusive.

Is spanking breeding criminals? No..... but lack of parental authority (of any type), lack of consistency in whatever discipline is chosen and children growing up without proper role models is breeding criminals!
Oh- I am from Maine.

Answer 6

my son is only 10 weeks old so i'm no where near thinking about discipline methods yet!! but my personal experience as a spanked child myself are that it is very effective

i was never spanked very hard, just hard enough so i didn't do whatever naughty thing i did again

my parents have always been very loving and we have always had a great and very close relationship, i do not resent them what-so-ever as i can understand that it did me good,

i have never struck another person and have always been very well behaved and very happy, much more than i can say about some of my friends children who are not spanked

after saying all of the above though, im not sure i will spank my son, i will definatly try other methods of punishment first , i think every child is different, some children will work best with a good telling off and others being spanked

Answer 7

Illinois

I was spanked as a child, and I think its the parents choice whether or not they spank their children...but I do think their is a fine line...I dont believe in the "pull their pants down and spank them", spanking after a certain age, or spank so hard you cause bruises or serious pain.

I believe parents today have been more leniant on their children letting them run wild without discipline, but I dont necessarily attribute the rise in crime because parents dont spank. I think they are too busy with their own lives and dont watch their kids enough or give them strict rules and regulations to follow whereas in the past parents were much stricter and children were actually afraid of defying their parents and the consequences of their actions...today they have no fear

Answer 8

I see no problem in giving your child a little tap once in awhile. I have always done this and I have 3 very well behaved children. I didnt have to spank them after the age of 4 cause they learned. I didnt beat them or anything and its not like I would tap their hands everyday either. Only once in awhile when they would get out of hand. Establishing authority is not the same as establishing fear.... I know some parents take it to the extreme which is not good. maybe this might be interesting to those who might think giving your child a tap on the hands is a bad idea. I saw a mother pushing her child in a grocery cart the other day. He was pulling her hair because he wanted candy. She told him to behave or else he would get time out. You know what he did? He spit in her face....and she did nothing and ended up giving in so he would stop screaming. That child did not seem to respect his mother at all. I guess the kids wear the pants in that family. I think it is up to the parent though. Good luck to all of the parents out there!!!

Answer 9

I believe that you need to spank your children, like a tap on the hand or a light smack on the behind. Your child needs to know that you are in charge, and that what you say goes in the house. My siblings and I were spanked when we were little, we would be told something once and if we kept doing it, then we would be disciplined. I get so sick of seeing out of control kids in public. I was out with my hubby trying to have a nice dinner, and there was a couple with 2 kids in the booth across from us. The youngest would sit there and scream out loud and throw food across the table, it got to the point that we couldn't hear each other speaking. The parents just sat there on their cell phones not paying any attention. How is that giving the kids guidance?

Answer 10

People may often be anti-spanking because they see it done in anger, not love. So long as you discipline your child conscientiously, you are not doing wrong--and a tap on the hand is most certainly not wrong. 16 months is a little young for actual "spanking" but a tap on the hand and a re-direction of his interest should work. I almost never have to spank my child; a serious talk works. But there have been instances in the past where I have given him repeated, fair warning and finally had to step in. Guess what? He is a very well-behaved child. He is comfortable enough with me to sass off and be my friend, but he also obeys when he knows it's serious. Parenting is a difficult task of walking many thin lines, but it has to be done (if you care about your child). My 2 cents: people who don't believe in disciplining their children, or who make excuses for their children's lack of discipline, are overruning us with childhood bullies now, and unruly, rude criminals in the future.

Answer 11

I think spanking depends on the child. There are children who are really soft natured and cry at a drop of a hat. Then there are kids like my daughter who is 4. She is spoiled (by daddy, smart and can be minipulative). I do spank her. Why? Because I see her character. She is the type of child that doesn't changer her behavior with timeouts (I've tried) or not eating dinner (I've tried that too) or as her father does (talk to her, explain to her what is wrong)! No she will keep doing it until I spank her and then after 2 good spankings...she gets the point! I don't want her to loose her sass or her strength, but it is important to establish a good sense of authority in the child. But on the flip side...I hug her more then I spank her!