Do you ever feel that you are trying to be more than you are or can be?

Question

I read or heard a quote that described one of the attributes of being human as the wanting to better ones self. The thing is perhaps we can only go so far with it.
Of recent I've tried to be more confident and social, but I'm not a confident or social person so does that mean I'm lying to myself and trying to be something I'm not or am I trying to better myself? What are your experiences and what do you think about this?

Answer 1

I will never fully know what I can be unless I try and challenge what I think I am, as a belief based upon what I think I am, is never a good way to think, but what I am is what I think, in my view, is.

This is true that human nature differs from general nature of all things in that it seeks to find something better in everything. Human mind constantly searches for things better still in its view; there is always room at the top for thing to get better. If you try too hard for something with your personal betterment in view then you do not run a risk of pushing yourself, or pulling yourself too far away from what you essentially are. For when we make efforts and do too much, I believe, our innate nature intervenes and subtly shift the direction of our efforts, perhaps this is why we do not always get what we aim for in our efforts; certain things are simply not good enough for us, just as there are certain other things that we are not good enough for. But if you try hard enough honestly and sincerely you will only get better in understanding what you really want, or what you really need to be; perseverance in efforts if not always get us what we want it does help to clarify what we want.

I often remind myself of this quote by Abraham Maslow: a man should be what he can be. This means that all is within the capacities of our own mind, and that whatsoever we do we only explore limits and limitations of our own mind. If, for example, I do not try how would I know if something was trying for, or if I was worthy of something, or what my capacities were. Sometimes, I try just to see what I can do within the limits of sense and sensibility.

Answer 2

I think different people have different skills and abilities.
I also believe we were put on this earth to learn, grow and develop into the best person we can be. That doesn't mean we are all going to reach the same level, that isn't important. What is important is to continually seek to change and grow as a person.
I am no good at small talk, so I may appear shy or anti social, but it doesn't bother me. I do make an effort and that is all that is required. We can't all be the best at everything, but it doesn't mean that we have to give up. Plus most of the conversations are very boring and I am not interested in joining in. That is my choice.
A lot of people can feel inferior because they try to fit in but for one reason or the other they are not successful. Just be yourself, try new things, it doesn't matter if they don't go as well as you would wish, the main thing is that you tried, then go and try something else.
Life is a learning process, sometimes things come easy, other times you have to work very hard for them.
Look around you; I bet you are doing better than some people.

Answer 3

That is certainly a valid feeling. And, sadly, it's true.

Humans are the most complex beings on Earth. That's not to say, however, that they can do anything they want to. You're right about the fact that humans always want to better themselves. I don't know about you, but I have been called a perfectionist many times. I am considered a hard worker, and I always try to create a good product. At the same time, this slows me down in school, as I have realized that I am a very slow test-taker.

I also know many people who have much lower abilities and much less desire to do well than me. These people are often those who get the bad grades in school, and they often result in low participation, and things like that. People can have a desire to do well, but that's not to say that they will do as well as they want.

Humans can only do so much, and people trying hard to surpass that limit will find that it will have no effect. Just imagine it like this: If you want to pick up a house and thrust it out of orbit; does that mean that if you work for it, you will eventually do it? No. That's impossible for a human to do. Now maybe that's an exaggeration, but do you see my point?
You can try your hardest, and that's a respectable quality, but there are some things that you will never be able to do.

Answer 4

No-one can be more or less than who they are. You are who you are. Be true to yourself. You will meet people who abuse your shy and unconfident self and try to make you feel bad about yourself. Ask yourself why they are drawn to do that? It is their problem not yours. Eventually, you will meet people who love what you are, who will enjoy your quietness and appreciate you and what you have to offer. You do not need the permission of others to be you. If you want to be more social ( for you, and not because others think you should) the only way you will feel comfortable is to find a common ground to meet people. IE by joining a sculpting class if you enjoy sculpture, an archery club if you enjoy archery, a reading group if you enjoy reading. That way even if you find chit-chat hard, you always have one subject on which you can make one comment during conversation. Often it is that one comment that will lead on to other conversations.
Also, it might be useful to remember that each group is made up of different people or the dynamics don't work. If everyone is confident and wants to be the centre of attention, conversation is impossible, the same is true if everyone is acutely shy and can't speak. A group needs those who enjoy being in the group but are happy to listen more than speak! Just because you are not loud, does not mean you are not important! Try not to put yourself in a position where you feel "out of your depth". I agree we need as human beings to challenge ourselves, but it is not a good idea to jump off a cliff to see if we would survive!
I have a feeling each step towards a more social life will be a huge achievement for you, so give yourself a pat on the back every now and then, and try not to worry about proving yourself or justifying your existence!

Answer 5

I feel the opposite is true for me.
I feel that I am trying to be less than I am or can be.

I am also not a confident ot social person but I am increasingly of the view that this is my way of protecting myself and infact I am not that bad and just need to get out there a bit more. All of my colleagues and friends have an entirely different view of me. They say I am confident and strong and calm, whilst inside I feel like a nervous wreck sometimes.

Perhaps everyone puts on a bit of a mask at times - it is now my mission to try and be my 'True Self' as much as possible.

Hope this helps.

x

Answer 6

No, never! Think about this:we use only 10 % of our brain. What we are is closely related to our brain- what we achieve is related to our brain.No doubt that the looks also counts, but more than 90 % of people look normally and their looks could improve by their personal effort. So, is it possible to try to be more than we are when we do not use 90 % of our brain? No! It is practically impossible to exceed 100% when you use only 10% of it.
You will reply that we are all different and that there's a emotional intelligence that is not related only with our brain,and so on.And you would be right. But when you try to socialise and try to be more confident, you really ARE more social and confident. That confident and social person IS you. It's a good way. Don't quit! Keep on trying! I will send to you a story about chickens that tried to be vultures- some of them gained success by selling books about success! some of them were succesfull by selling books about flying without flying themselves! Don't try to be a lousy eagle, you can be a great chicken! Every one is great in his very own way! Who says eagles are better than chickens ?
BE social and confident ! You will like more the new you! And so the others!
This is not something I read in books! It is my experience!

Answer 7

Everyone tries to make themselves better, its what we do. We try to constantly improve ourselves so we feel better. without wanting to be better what would we do, we spend a long time in school and the university so we can get good jobs and then on the jobs you have training. Its fine to feel the need to be better, i want to be more confident too and try to be, but i think with things like that its about time, but overall i think that i am confident when i become comfortable with the situations i am in.
Go for it, have fun and dont worry too much.

Answer 8

In my experience I believe everyone is born with different levels of intelligence. One couldn't expect say a person with an I.Q. of 70 to be able to be a rocket scientist no matter how hard he tries or how much he studies. I believe it depends on intelligence and a perfect chemical balance inside the body.

Answer 9

Confidence can be learnt, just the same with socialising. You have to practise before you be become good at it.

I am constantly trying to better myself - sometimes the things I do don't work - but at least I tried.

As long as you live your life to the fullest you possibly can, then you haven't wasted it.

Answer 10

go for it - the chances are you internalize stuff - you judge yourself and decide you are not up to the task. Let me tell you a little secret - the rest of us are sh1t too.

Take a good look at the people around you, do you not think they get scared or have huge gaps in their abilities, but you don't see this and only concentrate on your own shortcomings.

I say keep pushing till your told you're no up to it - but don't disqualify yourself before you start.