after 15yrs of marriage, I am unable to have normal conversation with my wife without getting into argument?

Answer 1

There are clearly unresolved issues between you and you will already know what they are as when the argument kicks off, it will always come back to this one issue!

When you start to talk to your wife, be careful not to be accusing...instead of saying 'YOU upset me, because you are always yelling at me' say 'I am upset because we are always shouting at each other'. If she shouts, let her see you are not going to shout back, things will eventually calm down and if she wants to communicate with you, she will have to talk and not shout!

Also, reaffirm your affection for her, it gets lost in translation with kids and life, along the way. Does she know you love her? Do something you know she will be astonished at....do the dishes, or the laundry or something, she will be grateful for the help and will be amazed that you still care about what she has to do!

Lastly, if things do calm down again don't rush with the intimacy again. She needs to feel loved, wanted and special and then the sex will happen naturally and be great!

Good Luck

Answer 2

We need more details. Your question is very general and lacks enough specificity that it could be interpreted that you begin arguing with her because she is not satisfied with your responses or vice-versa.

In a general response, I would submit that conversation has become an afterthought in married couples. It's not about a meeting of the minds as much as a synchronizing of schedules, mutual dismay over the budget, and a depressingly high incidence of letting the boob-tube monopolize the few hours of quality time that you and she have.

It might also be a recognition that the reasons you married and the goals that you had when entering your marriage have not only evaporated but perhaps changed into something one or either of you can't manage to compromise or agree to disagree over.

So far, 15 years of marriage exceeds the average marriage length for a divorce. I think this means that there is at least the desire to work it out (as your question indicates), so I would recommend couples counseling or individual therapy. It might not be a 'he said / she said' as much as 'I don't know what he/she is saying!' situation.

Good luck.

Answer 3

You are a grown man and should have a lot of work experience. Apply some of that sense at home. There are only a handful of topics couple argue

1. money (usually lack of it): debts, expenses, this and that. Solve it with good financial sense.
2. house work: who should do what and when. Women want men to do these chores with passion and without hesitation. Men consider them as chores and will get to it some time this century. You figure out a middle ground
3. affairs: this is touchy stuff as damage is usually irreversible.
4. attention (or lack of it): this is the dept of emotions and very abstract. There is no logical solution and is usually a moving target, meaning no matter what you do or how hard, you still won't quite get there. And if you ignore it, it won't go away either, perhaps silent treatment and then a bomb some time in the future.
5. inlaws: this is turf war and men get stuck in the middle. Women want a win-lose outcome. One thing for sure is the husband loses all the time.
6. Time with friends vs with wife: men who are both big kids or past middle age like to spend time with friends as a safe harbor for some peace and sanity. Women don't understand that. Don't expect to solve this problem.

Answer 4

Sounds like me and my husband of only 3 years. I've started reading "Relationship Rescue" by Dr.Phil and I'm pretty excited about it. It is aimed at teaching you how to change your relationship - not at you changing your partner. I haven't gotten that far into the book but there's a quiz in there that determines where your relationship is at - my husband and I got the worst possible score... it is likely that my marriage is in extreme danger of failing. The thing is I still have A LOT of hope that we'll be just fine as long as we work at it - neither of us want a divorce or anything. I'm sure if I have been dealing with this for 15 years I'd have to wonder if there was any hope but isn't it worth it to really dig in and give it your all before you call it quits? It'd be easier to just quit but if you really dug in and got through all of the ugly truths and came out of it together you'd be closer than you have ever been. Best of luck... when for better or worse was put into the vows "they" knew there'd be a lot of worse...

Answer 5

Nathan, tell her your take on this. Ask her if she agrees that this is a problem. If you both agree this is a problem, then go to a marriage counselor. Communication is the hardest thing any of us do. It is at the very foundation of any relationship and the basic cause of the breakup of any relationship. So if you can't communicate you can't have a genuine relationship. If the two of you go to a therapist you can work together on establishing good communication skills. If the marriage is worth saving it's worth working at to save. Good luck.

Answer 6

It seems that you both are opinionated. Try listening and speak calmly of your opinion of her question. Never raise your voice and examine her point of view, closely. If you have a complaint that concerns her, try asking her calmly, if she has to do it that way. Talk to each other, don't scream. Keeping your temper under control is an art and should be refined.

Answer 7

You could try professional help. Or just grow up and stop acting like children. Remember the reasons why you fell in love with each other. Treat each other with respect and love.

Answer 8

Many couples has problem like yours, maybe because of financial problem or something make your wife can't respect with you. or some one else between booth of you or booth of you get bored each other. try to communicate openly about what you feel, and try to understand what she wants from you. Good luck !!

Answer 9

try this go out have dinner movie picnic etc... NO arguing agree to that both of you before you leave te house see if this works do not talk about anything that started an argument before

Answer 10

Your wife is on same plateform , so u have to break this vicious cycle, in my opinion confession for better is much better option than argument.