My boyfriend is 28 and I'm 25. We've been dating for quite some time and I want to say yes but there is one thing stopping me. His 'best' friend is his ex-girlfriend. This really hurts my feelings, I want to tell him not to see her anymore but that is unfair. He knows how I feel, and we talk about it. I don't have anything against her just the situation. We've decided that we should take baby steps towards me being comfortable. For example: if we're all together he pays extra attention to me. And if I get upset and work through it with him, he tells me how great I'm being. I still get upset because I don't think I should have to put forward this much effort so he can still see his ex. I figured that friendships naturally come and go. So I decided to wait it out and not get married until after they weren't friends anymore. My main arguement is that you should marry your 'best' friend. He's saying that he doesn't want to wait years to marry me. What's your opinion on the situation?
2007-05-29 18:36:46 · 8 answers · asked by christina k 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First off. congratulations on how well you've handled this so far.
It's usually so easy to let emotion get the better of you and do or say something silly that you regret.
This one is tricky...
On one hand i understand where you're coming from, and that it should be YOU he calls his best friend, on the other hand, you cant make someone choose between you and their friends.
He seems to be very accommodating and only for YOUR benefit. making the effort to give you more attention just so you feel more comfortable. That's more than most guys in this situation would do...
I guess the main thing here is that you trust him. and if you do, then go with it.
Easier said than done i know, but that's really all i can suggest.
Good luck :)
2007-05-29 19:01:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU should be his best friend. Anyone after that is not his best friend, but a close friend. I would not be thrilled to have my boyfriend/fiancee tell me that his best friend is his ex-girlfriend.
I wouldn't hold off on saying yes to his proposal until their friendship ends. It may never end.
However, if you two were to stay together, your lives will probably end up taking a different path than hers and she will not be in his life anymore.
I think you need to take an honest look at their relationship to determine if they are truly friends, does he still have feelings for her or she for him. Does he talk about your relationship with her? Is there anything in your gut telling you that this friendship is toxic to your relationship?
Either way, don't string him along about the proposal. If you love him, accept and make it a long engagement.
Good luck with all of your decisions.
2007-05-30 01:46:09 · answer #2 · answered by blahdeblah 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
huh? I think that from what you said, he is the one putting in the effort to keep you happy. She is his good friend. There is nothing wrong with that. The only thing that he should have to worry about is losing you... the more you push and complain the more he is not going to enjoy being with you.. There is a reason why they are not together. try being his friend.
Honestly, I think he should not be proposing to you yet, you are not ready for marriage, you need to grow a little more, understand relationships more.
Trip
2007-05-30 01:47:24 · answer #3 · answered by Trip 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His 'best' friend is his ex-girlfriend
There you have it in a nut shell. A guy can't be just best friends with his ex. Not happen. Only in dreams. Life doesn't work that way.
He has to chose. How would you like him discussing the situ with her when you have problems in future. Tell him to make his mind up. It's either you or her. I think he will chose her.
Even if he does, you are better off knowing early.
2007-05-30 07:44:52 · answer #4 · answered by blind_chameleon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He asked you to marry him, not her....
Boy/girl friendships are difficult, but it seems like you need to work out your jealousy and that you shouldn't force him to not be friends with her, it will just make him resent you. Maybe you need to talk w/ his friend!?
2007-05-30 01:41:59 · answer #5 · answered by Ren 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he isn't ready to commit to marriage, since he isn't respecting you about the ex-gf thing.
2007-05-30 07:03:05 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he does really love you, he would have already have dismissed her without a another thought.Obviously in this case the necessary commitment is missing.Bottomline.....she needs to be out!!!!
2007-05-30 01:45:19 · answer #7 · answered by prasan 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He can NOT remain friends with his "EX"..
You cannot allow this relationship to continue if you
are to marry him...
2007-05-30 01:54:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋