what do you think of my poem?? poem 2?

Question

I just recently wrote some poems and I just wanted to see what everyone thought of it.. any suggestions, opinions ideas are greatly appreciated. THANKS!

Someone Else's Eyes
From someone else's eyes
I might look perfect
From someone else's eyes
This world is like a wild carnival ride
From someone else's eyes
I may look like a successful person
But the reality is not even close
From someone else's eyes
I may be strong
But if you believe that I am strong
You guys are all so wrong
From someone else's eyes
I might have everything going for me
Your eyes may be deceiving you
From someone else's eyes
I might look perfect
But the reality is not even close.

Answer 1

i like it a ton!! its super cute just ends a lil diffrent

Answer 2

Its musical and has regular rhythm:
From someone else/ I might. . . .
However, I think it could be better to maintain the regularity in:
From someone else's eyes/This world is like a wild carnival ride.
Additionally, it may be better to avoid repeating "But the reality is not even close"that succeed Success and perfection.
"You guys" sounds too casual slang for your overall message. Why not use another expression altogether!!

Answer 3

Nice way of showing that you hide whats in side. I would emphasise on the feelings on the inside too. but its cool

Answer 4

Good idea, or basis, but needs some work. Finish it with something like "But from my eyes I see blah blah blah..."

Just my opinion, I'm no expert.

Answer 5

Its great !Ive never seen a godd poem in ages !

Answer 6

It is nice.

Answer 7

GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWESOME!!!!!!!!! LOVED IT