Okay, I won't break out into song... but if we have had a lot of bumps in our marriage...and I have contemplated leaving him after 10+ years... if I try to stay... how do I bring back that loving feeling? Can I ever really get that back... because it is not there like it used to be. Sure, i love him as the great father to my children. but when I look at him, my heart doesn't patter like it used to. I get annoyed easily with him. And, sometimes I just wonder if I'd be happier on my own. But, if I knew that I could have the heart patter with him again...I'd stay for sure. Can I get that back?
2007-05-29 17:16:17 · 6 answers · asked by Allison 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Chicken - egg. It doesn't matter which comes first, as long as it comes together. So with that said, find out what makes him feel loved and then do those things. When you feel loved, you can give love, so as bad as it sounds, you've got to give it to get it, but again, once it's all going, it doesn't matter how it got started does it? Feeling loved should spark him to do the same for you, and if it doesn't or if he stumbles, give gentle, loving hints. Not nagging, just playful, loving direction. Men are not good at mind reading. Best wishes!
2007-05-29 17:53:19 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hire a baby sitter for the week end & go to a romantic hotel together on a beach or where ever. Spend time discussing how you feel about each other with a lot of eye contact & a lot of touching. A lot of couples grow apart because the daily routine & responsibilities get in the way. Some times that pitter patter grows up & becomes stability.Every couple needs time alone to rekindle the flames. Become creative in the bedroom. Good luck.
2007-05-30 00:26:09 · answer #2 · answered by foreverhoyt 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have seen it happen. I've seen people on the brink of divorce and some who had already filed for divorce, get back to that point. With most of them it was only accomplished by a move of God. Since I don't know your religious position, I won't talk about that.
The best way, aside from help from God, I have observed, is to date again. That's usually the way people fall in love in the first place and it can work again. After you have children, couples tend to begin to view their spouse as their children's father more than the love of their life. Your so busy, you don't have time for your relationship the way you once did. So it naturally suffers.
First of all, you both have to put mistakes in the past. Don't bring them up again. Especially if your fighting.
Secondly, and I think, most importantly, date. Get a babysitter and go out to dinner or on a pic-nic. Just make sure it's somewhere that you can talk to each other. If you can, go out of town for the weekend. (without the children) If you can't get out of town, just go to a hotel. If spending romantic time alone together made yall fall in love with each other once, it can work again.
Also at home, try to make a point to spend at least a few minutes a day talking to and touching each other. Try to do something nice for him. Like cook his favorite dinner or rub his feet. You'll find he will tend to return the favor.
Just try to remember the way you use to feel about him.
2007-05-30 00:49:49 · answer #3 · answered by S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, listen to what Lisa has to she...she is a wise and compassionate woman. How do I know this? 13 years of marriage and we are happier than ever.
We have to acknowledge our own roles in the ups and downs of our marriages...you are just as much a part of the problem as he is. Once you can acknowledge that an correct the behavior (i.e. lead by example), you will see how quickly he responds. The man you fell in love with is still there, you just need to remember the good things about him that you fell in love with. Remember things that he does...you said he's a good father...he goes to work every day to provide a home for you and the kids...he still cares, he just might not know how to express it...or might even be afraid to express how he feels for fear of rejection.
Take the first step...show him love in the way he wants to feel it. Great him with a warm hug and kiss when he comes home. Tell him what you love about him...look him in the eyes and tell him gently the things that you need from him. He will respond...trust me.
2007-05-30 14:05:15 · answer #4 · answered by Carl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is such a hard question, I feel the same way about my ex. I can't stand to talk to him, I get irritated, I love him as a person but so much damage has been done that I don't feel I could ever be with him again. I am so relieved to be alone. I'm not dating anyone but I'm much happier without him. I was misserable with him and no matter how much I tried I couldn't care for him like I once did. I guess he scared me for life!
2007-05-30 00:42:18 · answer #5 · answered by Smile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Delicately suggest to him that you would like to be "courted" again. He may laugh, then make a face, but after about 2 or 3 weeks go by, be prepared to be asked out again.
Do whatever it takes to get it back. Its rough out here - trust me.
2007-05-30 00:20:45 · answer #6 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋