I feel that I need to fix this poem up a bit... Anyone wanna help?

Question

You said you loved me
You said that you cared
And you also said
That you would always be there

Then I believed you
Thought it was true
I though that you were "the one"
You made me believe that too

Next thing I no
You stop showing affection
And I start to wonder
if we're going in the right direction

A few days later
You say that we're done
And that you need a friend
You ask if I'll be the one

Though there are tears
Running down my face
I say I'll always love you
And I'll gladly take that place

So here I am
A single man again
WIth a broken heart
But a very good friend

sorry guys I'm 14 I have problems with the no and stuff... msn lingo u no haha

Answer 1

While there never is anything right or wrong with poetry in a relative sense, grammatically, you should never use words like "no" to express the meaning of other words (in this case, "know"."

Other than that, I don't see anything particularly wrong with the poem, except for the depressive emotions I read from it - a well targeted audience if that was your planning.

Answer 2

"You said that you loved me!
You said that you cared!
You told me I mattered!
And that you'd always be there!

I really believed you!
I thought it was true.
I thought you were "the one".
And I believed that too.

The next thing I know;
You don't show affection.
And I start to wonder,
if we've gone the right direction.

And then a few days later;
You say that we were done.
And that you needed a friend;
You ask'd if I'd be one.

Though there are tears;
Covering my face,
I'll always know I love you;
And I'd gladly take that place.

So here I am, once more,
A single man again.
Although I was left -- with a broken heart;
I'll always be your friend."

I rewrote it for you, I hope you don't mind?

♥Have a nice day!♥

Answer 3

I think your poem is just fine. There is no right or wrong in poetry, as long as it comes from the heart. This poem clearly does. Good job.

Answer 4

First stanza, change last two lines to:
And you also said that
You'd always be there
(better cadence)

Third stanza:
Next thing I KNOW

Fourth stanza:
You ask if I'll be one (leave out The)

Not bad, not bad.

Answer 5

I liked it...the only thing I noticed really wrong is what you have already been told....It is the 'no' that should have been 'know'. Good job.

Answer 6

Fantastic... plus it depends on the artist

Answer 7

Other than "Next thing I no" (know) it sounds pretty good.

Answer 8

sounds too generic