I have lived with my boyfriend for 2 years. Seemingly we are very in love, but very intense for lack of a better term. When we drink we can fight like crazy. We've broken up like a dozen times but never more than like 12 hours. It seems we realize we can't live without eachother when we break up and its emotionally draining. Lately we're fighting more than normal with no catalyst other than drunkiness. I feel like I'd like to end it now because I feel like I'm losing.. I have always felt that in a relationship there is a winner and a loser at any given time.. The one who is more in love and vulnerable is obviously the loser. I think I am head over heels but there are little things between us that make me feel like I am more in love with him and I can't help thinking that at least ten times a day. He's ditched me for drinking many times and I feel like I've been cheated on, with beer not another women. If he loved me as much as I love him, he'd choose me over alcohol right?
2007-05-29 13:01:49 · 16 answers · asked by dgavin14 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
By the way- Drinking is only a weekend venture, so I am not sure if that constitutes being an alcoholic. I think he favors partying not the alcohol. We're both 26, no kids.
2007-05-29 13:03:49 · update #1
its either you or the alcohol...you just can't have it both ways, or you're in for a rough life.
2007-05-29 13:05:17 · answer #1 · answered by sparklinbeeze 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's a binge drinker, don't kid yourself thinking that since it only happens on the weekend he's not an alcoholic. Anyone who ditches you to drink is an alcoholic the only difference is he doesn't attend meetings and hasn't come to terms with it. The only difference is that an alcoholic has hit rock bottom and they have no choice but to try and straighten out their life. A lot of people who drink a lot on the weekends and even go for weeks without drinking won't consider themselves alcoholics because their life hasn't hit rock bottom, but it's just a matter of time. My sister didn't admit it until her life had hit rock bottom, and my father didn't admit it until his marriage fell apart.
Do you really want to spend your life with someone who you continually fight with?? If he can give up drinking and you can give it up and see how your relationship is without alcohol. It's not a matter of their being a winner and a loser, this isn't a competition it's a relationship there is not supposed to be a winner and loser unless this is one big game to you.
When you're an alcoholic nothing matters but that next drink, have you seen any successful alcoholics??? No their entire life falls apart, they lose their families their friends, they hang with people that drink as much as they do because it makes them feel less out of control. Trust me honey if he can't just have one drink and end it and has to drink until he is staggering drunk he's an alcoholic and so are you if that's what you do. An alcoholic will always choose alcohol over anything else.
If he's not willing to stop drinking to save your relationship then you need to end it and move on. You don't want to go down that path.
2007-05-29 13:20:47 · answer #2 · answered by Weimaraner Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you two are not kids---so the answer is easy and obvious---he is not ready for a real genuine relationship--just a convenient one--and it borders on abusive because the fighting is probably worse than you relate in your story. What I can't grasp is your vain attempt to find any reason to stay with this man. I would think any man would be better than what you have. 5 days a week as opposed to 7 days a week---you would think he would want you everyday. Well it is your life--and you are in control of what happens at all times. If you want better--go get it--if you want this guy--stay put !! I think you cannot do any better--so you make excuses---the kind of excuses that say you don't have anything better to go to--so why try to do better. This man is probably not going to change--regardless of you staying or going----it will probably get worse---recovery takes a day or two--so you really only have a man for 3 or 4 days until he sobers up--doesn't sound very charming to me. Do you have that strange compulsion to play nurse or mommy??? The women that attach to drunks and addicts often think they can do something for him--what a waste of time....cleaning up puke and dragging a drunk to bed. Oh well--good luck--he's yours, not anyone in my family.
2007-05-29 13:33:11 · answer #3 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch. I feel your pain. And the best advice anyone can give you is to leave. Just move on. Yes, I realize, that's easier said than done, but you can't compete with alcohol. You know this.
He may say he'll slow down, stop, whatever, but you have a life to lead and that life is your own. If he does stop drinking and come looking for you when he's healthy, then you can decide then. But now -- you can't stay. You're only asking for more heartache and emotional drama and trauma than is healthy for you.
When you leave, please have other people there "on your side," so in case he gets belligerent or whatever, you'll be safe.
2007-05-29 13:07:29 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regular drunkenness and love don't go well together. It seems that you are both "using" each other to feed some insecurity or even neurosis in yourselves. My advice is to get out of a relationship which is obviously dysfunctional and gets worse when alcohol is involved. I don't think there really is love in your relationship, I don't think you've yet understood what love is and what it entails. What I see there is a mixture of neediness and a kind of co-dependence, and even an addiction to the dysfunctional relationship. Love is never about winning or losing, nor is it about what the other gives or doesn't give one.
2007-05-29 13:11:27 · answer #5 · answered by Vierotchka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well the answer is simple...you need to give up drinking and lead by example. Talk to the man and tell him how you feel about drinking. Let me ask you the question, would you give up drinking for him? What about the two of you going away for the weekend and not drinking, I'd bet if would work out again.
2007-05-29 13:09:42 · answer #6 · answered by buffaloblkguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in a relationship (a healthy one that is) there ARE NO WINNERS OR LOSERS! there should always be COMPROMISE. meaning if you dont see eye to eye on something meet somewhere in the middle on that issue. if you cant compromise then you relationship WILL NOT work. Choosing to party over hanging out with you shouldnt be a big deal unless he does it every weekend (no compromise) if he does it every weekend and you've told him how you feel yet he still chooses to party over you...you need to cut it off. have you considered just going out with him and having a little fun?
2007-05-29 13:09:30 · answer #7 · answered by j t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your probably driving him to drink.
If you guys are fighting when you drink its because you don't communicate your problems to each other sober. For some reason you or he doesn't feel comfortable enough to call the other out untill there is a little liquid courage in their belly.
2007-05-29 13:07:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A relationship like that doesn't sound very healthy.. Look at this from an outside point of view. If you saw somebody in a relationship like that, what would you say? Or what you want that person to do?
2007-05-29 13:09:54 · answer #9 · answered by Nina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him how you feel if you haven't already. try not drinking so much as well. People who drink alot are alcholics. it doesn't matter what day of the week it is. if they start drinking and can't stop until they are shitfaced, then they are an alcholic.
2007-05-29 13:09:44 · answer #10 · answered by Lil' polita 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If alcohol is a priority he may have a drinking problem.
2007-05-29 14:39:32 · answer #11 · answered by Lisa F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋