How can I make my husband understand. Our baby must live!!!?

Question

Basically, my organs aren't working sucessfully. I'm sick and my pregnancy has made things much worse. A few weeks ago my doctor told me that during the birth we both won't make it. I'm still numb. My husband and I have been crying. Why has it come to this....I'm so sad.

However, I want my baby to survive. I'm already sick, and I'm 34 years old, I've had a life, I want my baby to have pages of a book to fill in. Although my husband disagrees, he says he can't live without me.

My life is literally falling apart while changing for the better at the same time. For some time I was angry at god, angry that he was giving me this special gift and taking it away, but now im not angry. I feel so blessed. God gave me the gift to bring this blessing to the world around me!!!

What are things I can do for my baby? I want to leave her things for her to know about me.

As well, I need help. How can I get my husband to understand?

Answer 1

i work as a Nurse
your GYn can schedule a C-Section about 4 weeks early and save you and the baby
this doesn't make sense to me

Answer 2

I am so very sorry that you are going through this... this is a decision you and your husband both have to make... and it sounds as though you have already made up your mind... try to get your husband to understand that bringing this baby into the world is, will be the greatest thing you can do before you pass on... start writing!! write to her and tell her each and every day how much you love her and how much you want for her... start writing a book full of memories for her to have and read when she gets older... it can be anything, it can be about your child hood, it can be about how you and her daddy met and got together and how much you loved her from the very beginning, but make sure you write in there how this was not her fault, that you made the decision you did because you loved her with all your heart... I wish you the very best of luck darlin... also, start taking some pictures, leave her a memory album for her to have .. put pics of you in there while pregnant with her, put pics in there of your family, and of her dad... leave her something to remember you, the greatest mommy on earth!

Answer 3

My Mother died in childbirth. She had a scheduled C section and went into labor early. The doctor let her go to long and her uterus burst and she died. My sister lived.
If the doctor had done the C section the first day she went into labor, she would be with us today. My mom was 30.

I think I would see another doctor. Doctors are not Gods.
The Doctor should be able to do a C section early, babies can live if born early. I was born early. I only weighed 3 lbs and 14 oz. I very rarely get sick.

I had another friend who was over 35 and pregnant and they did test and said the there was something wrong with the baby, and recommended that she abort. She did not, there was absolutely nothing wrong with their daughter.

Don't give up hope. Take care of yourself and do whatever you can to build your body up. Try not to stress to much, that's not good for you either.

I pray that everything turns out well for you in the end.

Answer 4

As many people that read this forum are aware, I am a widower. My wife died from cancer about 10 months ago. During the period from the time that the doctor told me that she would not live and her actual death, she and I had some time to talk about our lives together and our love for each other (we were married to 20 years). One of the most heart breaking things that she shared with me was that her only real regret was that we never had a child together. When we married she had four boys and I had one boy. We formed a family and we have 8 wonderful grandchildren, but none together. Although it would have been nearly impossible for us to have a child together, I had always taken the "the last thing we need is a baby" type of approach. She always seemed to agree with me, but it was only shortly before her death that I learned her real feelings. It has been heart breaking for me to reflect on her self-disclosure, but one thing that I always remind myself about is that the child would now be about 12 years old (just an educated guess). The child would have no mother, and the child would have a father that is absorbed in feelings of loss and sorrow.

It sounds to me that you have no other children, but try to think about your husband after losing you. He will be devastated. I'm not sure that I have offered any real advice, but you are certainly in my thoughts.

The best of luck to all. May God bless.

Answer 5

During the birth of my 5th baby the doctor told me my breech baby will die or I will die. He was coming butt first and was already too far down to do a section. They cut my pubic bone and took him out and we are both here 29 years later.
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Fred's wife found out she had cancer the same time she found out she was pregnant. She had a choice and she chose not to do chemo and radiation which they said would have saved her.
When her baby was 6 weeks old she died. Her husband struggled with five children for another 5 months until he asked some friends to take the baby until she was about 2.

They got the child and left the state with her. They had legal custody papers so they could. They eventually adopted her. Another of Fred's children was severely handicapped and was put in an institution where he died. Fred remarried to a pretty woman that was hateful to the remaining 3 children. She mentally and physically tortured the kids. When she scrubbed their skin off after they dirtied her floor from playing in the burn pile he divorced her.
Fred felt his life was over. He was a sad and miserable man. Had his wife lived she would have saved the handicapped child and her other kids 4 needed her.

It is against God to take a life so the mother made the right choice. But it is hard for those left behind. They grieve and fall apart.
One thing for sure your husband will have to go on with his life but there will be a hole left where you belong.
May God bless you both with endurance and who knows...Have pics for the child...write a letter or two. Let the child know you gave your life so she could live. Don't give up yet.....Prayers work..try it.

Answer 6

leave stuff that meant a lot 2 you!
leave stuff that shows you were a fun person!
leave stuff that show who you really were!
it would be cool if you left her a video of yourself
but talk to her in the video
maybe put a video and tell your husband to give it to her when she's five and then make another video and tell her to give it to her when she six, and so forth starting with zero
going to however long you think you'll live (optimistic! 100)! sure you'll have to make a lot of videos but i know if this happened to my mom and i got one of those videos everytime my birthday came around, of course i'd be sad that my mom passed away but i would also feel like the most blessed child! my mom did all this for me!

try and talk to him first
say that everything will be fine and
when it's all over he'll have a child!
God has blessed you with the chance to give birth!
take it with warm hands!

but there is no reason that he shouldn't be sad
i mean i'm crying just reading this!
i really hope that the doctor was wrong
and you survive all this!
doctor's have been wrong SOOOO many times!
they have told many people that they are gonna die
and in the end the person never dies!
remember! everything has a reason!
and i'm sure that God does not want to punish you.
you'll go through this just fine
except since your giving birth...it might hurt!
Good Luck
the BEST of wishes!
<3
~~Nika~~

Answer 7

Sorry to hear about your problem. There seems to be multiple angles in this.

First, the decision is most likely in your husband's hand at that very critical moment. I don't know enough about if you can give legal instruction to the hospital to choose the baby over you. Your parents, if they are alive, will not forgive your husband for choosing the baby over you unless you can somehow convince them that. There are steps you might have to take just to have your wish.

Second, as far as your husband is concerned, if the medical facts and options are all there, he will at some point use his head and logic. A few weeks a woman wrote something here about losing her daughter and she went through all the emotions as well. She picked my response as "best" -- I suggested to her that her daughter's kid would be her daughter's legacy and she could take that on. I suppose the magic word here is Legacy. This word applies only when the facts are known and indisputable.

Answer 8

This is sad but what bronzebabekentucky said is true it doesn't make sense, the medical field has grown by leaps and bounds with knowledge it really mystifies how this can still happen, with transplants etc. BUT, If I were in your situation I would make a documentary for the baby. Starting today videotape yourself almost daily and let her know that you are doing this for her and that you wanted her to live a full and happy life and get your husband involved in it too. Let the baby know what you are like and how you and your husband met and all the things that you would take about to her. I would also write her letters for every birthday, graduation, wedding day etc and then your husband can give them to her on the occasions so you will be with her then too. Just let your husband know that this is your choice to make and that you choose to have the baby he will always be there for her and not desert her because you chose to have her. Best wishes, Daisy

Answer 9

Your a strong and courageous women! It sounds like you are dead set on having this baby, but you must remember your husband and not close him out. This is his child also. He loves you and wants to keep you, you are not going to change his mind on that. In away you are forcing him to stand back and watch you commit possible suicide, sticking your tongue out at him while telling him to bad. So you can't force him to understand. If you want your baby to know you, Video tape yourself. Tape yourself give her instructions for life. From puberty to cooking spaghetti. When she's little sing her lullabies and read stories. Show her your likes and dreams. Tell her how you were when you met daddy. Write her birthday cards for every year with your love in it. Good Luck with everything and God Bless you and your Family.

Answer 10

Hi Lola,

This is a heart wrenching story! I will be praying for all of you. You should definately be taking pictures of you in different stages of your pregnancy. Try to ignore the way that the sickness may make you look. These are the only pics your kid will have of you. Next take the time to have all of the important milestone conversations with the kid now! Some people suggest writing letters, I prefer the idea of making a video or dvd to be viewed on milestone birthdays and special occasions- age 3,5,7,10,13,16,18,21. Ocassions like puberty, first day of school, mid-school, highschool, graduation ect. Tell the child all of the things that you would if you could face to face. That is the kind of impact that it will have. Leave a memory box with all of your special momentos and the stories behind them. If you have family recipes, write them on index cards addressed to the child by name (if you know what you are having), put them in a box labeled from mom. It will help for the child to have things in your handwriting. Express your love for your child in a diary that he/she will be presented with at a specific time. Of course leave an insurance policy for the childs college if you can. Try to record every thought and feeling that you have about your joy in motherhood and your hope for the childs future. It may be hard to hear this now, but make sure that you tell the child in a video or dvd so he/she can see your face, that it is ok with you for your husband to love and marry again if he desires. The kid has to know that his/her father is not betraying you by doing so. As you prepare yourself to leave these things for your unborn child, your husband will get the message and he will began to make peace with it. Hope this Helps! Your bravery is inspirational. God Bless!

Answer 11

Well a little keepsake box with pictures from when you where a little girl all the way up to now. And a letter telling your memories and why you did what you did.

I pray that god is with you and the baby. Miracles do happen