My boyfriend and I have been dating and living together almost 4 years. I have always said that I wouldn't live with a guy before I was married, but it all started with him staying over at my parent's house with me even before we were dating because my fiance (at the time) was killed in a car accident and he was my best friend and was there to support me. Anyways, now we have our own apartment and he graduated with an engineering job last August. I graduate this August, and I feel that it is time that we get engaged. I don't feel right continuing to live together without being married (for both religious and personal reasons). We know (or he says) that we are going to get married, yadda, yadda...but he is having a tough time finding a good job in his field here and says that he doesn't want to move far away from me and would rather move with me when I graduate. Anyways, when I bring up this, he says that he is going to propose as soon as he has money. I am tired of waiting. Any advice?
2007-05-29 12:52:06 · 7 answers · asked by Serenity 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT! The best thing to do is move on! It's as simple as that. Either he's going to open his eyes and go ahead and MARRY YOU, not get engaged, or he's gonna let you go. If he lets you go, he doesn't care enough. And don't be fooled by the pleading and compromising. Been there done that. If he gets you to stay without marriage, you will be right back at square one.......FRUSTRATED AS HELL, wondering when you two will eventually be married. not having a good enough job is just an excuse, because he doesn't have one now and you two seem to be making it just fine. You see, what a lot of people don't realize is......God blesses marriages for the simple fact that He ordained marriage. If you two were to go ahead and marry, he may just get that job offer he's been waiting for all this time. It could be the reason he hasn't gotten it is because he won't step up and be the man God requires him to be, ever think about that?
2007-05-29 13:46:10 · answer #1 · answered by kimmicoo2002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you graduate and find a job. If you feel that it is right for him to move with you wherever it is that you might go, then let him. Don't pressure the marriage or engagment thing because then you won't get the one you want. You are already living with him, so there really isn't anything else you can do. If you are really against living with him, tell him you want to take some time apart...still be together, but not live with each other, and tell him that you want to stay apart until you are married. Either he'll marry you or you were better off without him. I always told myself I wouldn't move in with a guy before I was married either, but it happens. Don't let other's views or what your views use to be ruin a great relationship. They have changed if you agreed to live with him in the first place. If you are still hesitant about continuing living with him, maybe there is something more that you are dealing with. Maybe you want a reason to get out, and that is fine. You both are at points in your life that change is required and you go into the "real" world. Think it through, but don't pressure them into marriage because that isn't what they want. If he says he is going to do it, let him do it on his own time...as much as it kills you to wait.
2007-05-29 13:05:04 · answer #2 · answered by ashann85 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, I lived together with my boyfriend then (husband now) for two years. When it was not heading towards marriage (and I moved countries for this relationship), I moved out. Oh, yes, I cried, but I moved. 1 month later he proposed. I am not saying that that's what will happened to you (and, frankly, I wish I did not rush back then), but as they say "if you don't like the direction of a flow - don't jump into it". I say move out. Enough of excuses.
2007-05-29 13:00:13 · answer #3 · answered by Alyssa Macey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would stay with him, he has a lot on his plate right now if he can't find a job. He probably wants to have enough money to get a nice ring and propose properly. I know when my husband was looking for a job he was quite stressed out. Give it time.
2007-05-29 12:58:01 · answer #4 · answered by christie g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you'll have the same religious and personal reasons up until the time he comes up with the money to marry you, move out until he comes up with the money to marry you..
2007-05-29 12:58:38 · answer #5 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are tired of waiting, quit waiting and get on with your life without him. It sounds like he is not ready to get married and it sounds like you are. So you need to move on and find someone that is ready to get married too.
2007-05-29 12:59:23 · answer #6 · answered by Dance 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have him find a job where he can while you stay in school. When you graduate you can reassess the situation.
2007-05-29 13:28:02 · answer #7 · answered by Tiger by the Tail 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋