I will make this short and sweet, I am sure alot of people that read this will judge me and think that I am a horrible person. It's your opinion and you're entitled to it!! I am bi-sexual but prefer men, about ten months ago I got this very religious girl pregnant and we got married. Now the beautiful baby is here and as much as I had hoped, she didn't change who I truely feel and KNOW I am, a woman!!! I love my wife but she isn't cutting it for me, I need to express who I really am and that isn't possible with her. We have dicussed this to a point, but she always makes me feel like a huge weirdo and the conversation is cut short. She always throws in that if I wanna be a part of my babies life I better stay a straight male. Yuck. I want to be a parent for my little girl, but I also want to be happy with who I am. Is there a way to divorce with out this being the issue, or a way to let her know I am not a huge weirdo and I am really a loving person. Help me please!!!
2007-05-29 12:34:53 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
There is no nice way out of it.
To be who you are, you're going to have to fight. Not just to let the real you out, but get a divorce and still have contact with your daughter.
I wish you every luck and easy time you can get.
2007-05-29 18:42:27 · answer #1 · answered by Threshin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow,you are in a very difficult position right now. I think first, you need to be, who you totally feel you should be, and if your decision is to become a woman, then so, be it. You will need a lot of counseling to make sure this is what you want. The child is the next thing, and I really think that if you want this to work, she will need to seek counseling with you, so she can understand, but because she is very religious, and very conditioned by religion, I do not think she will. If you really feel strongly , becoming a woman, then you have to do what is inside you, or you will be unhappy, your whole life, and it is unfortunate a baby is involved, but things always have a way of working themselves out. Surely, the girl must have sensed your femininity, when she was with you. When a person is in a relationship with another, right in the beginning, there should be honesty between you, and feelings, should be shared. I wish you the best on this,Take Care.......
2007-05-29 12:49:58 · answer #2 · answered by Ron 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
According to your own words, you want to convince your wife, who is now the mother of a one-month-old baby, that you are not a weirdo, but you are a really loving person.
From your description of what has happened in your ten months with her it appears that everything you have said and done with her has been an endless series of lies, so why not try the truth, instead?
You gave no hint whatever of how you plan to deal with the aftermath of divorce or twenty years of support for the baby, but there is an open-ended amount of concern for your own “feelings”.
It is this disproportionate amount of concern that leads me away from considering your plight, except to say that it is a plight that undeniably requires professional guidance.
It appears your need to have your feelings of personal comfort satisfied is more than strong enough to get you to walk away from wife, baby, and responsibility, which suggests you are far from being a loving person except when it comes to loving yourself.
Why not just tell her straight and honestly that you are one of the most selfish people on the planet?
You can support that by telling her that you regret marrying her, that you regret having fathered a baby with her, that you want to love her and you want to love the baby but both she and the baby are really far, far, less important to you than how you feel about yourself.
Once you have made that plain, you can add that your own financial resources will be considerably strained while you save the large amount money to be spent in the counselling and preparation for the sex-change operation, plus that huge expense itself, and then there will be the continuing cost to supply the hormones as well as other as-yet-unknown operations and/or drugs needed or wanted to support your appearance after the change.
The inescapable reality for her will be that her emotional stability will be destroyed when she is abandoned by the person who is presently closest to her, and upon whom she is extremely dependant at the moment, while at that same instant she will become solely responsible for taking care of an infant that needs attention, plus she must face the fact that she must also find the financial means to support herself and the baby for next twenty years.
Once you get those truths out, there should be little problem in getting a divorce.
2007-05-29 13:46:26 · answer #3 · answered by Ef Ervescence 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Deep down you probably knew this was going to happen. You were just really, really hoping that a wife and a baby could help you change. I don't know anything about divorce or the law, but as long as what your doing isn't criminal I don't think she can keep you out of your childs life. As long as you pay child support and all of that you should be eligible for joint or shared custody. As far as how religious your wife claims to be, you did say that you got her preg. Before you were married. So, shes not the only one w/skeletons in her closet.
2007-05-29 12:43:14 · answer #4 · answered by LiLiJo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately there aren't many good solutions for this. This will either end in both of you being miserable together or a divorce. Unfortunately in many places kids are taken away from a trans parent for no other reason than the parent is trans. All I can suggest is that you make a good home for the children to live in when you have custody and to get a good lawyer so that you do actually get shared custody.
2007-05-29 17:29:11 · answer #5 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is not a task to be taken lightly, nor decisions to be made in a rush. Someone in your position needs to begin counseling with a therapist who is trained and experienced in dealing with similar issues. You run the risk of alienating the mother of your child, making life-decisions in the throes of emotional turmoil, and if you really want to live as a woman, to face the scrutiny of those who already know you.
You can contact TS Haven House in Penacook, New Hampshire for further information ( http://tshavenhouse.net/ ) , or there is a Yahoo support group for M2F transexuals and their significant others called TS Ladies Club.
2007-05-29 13:07:15 · answer #6 · answered by NHBaritone 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it could be advantageous if she comes abode sometime previous due with talcum powder on her palms and says, to make it easier to recognize the actual fact honey, I went to the bar,had some drinks,went abode with this guy Mohamed and that i slept with him.What the **** will he do then. Peace to the international
2016-12-30 06:27:33 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My friend, Stop and look at your situation, You have a wife that loves you, Why bring hurt onto yourself as well her, Why destroy all that is beautiful for something that is wrong, Pray to God he will guide you, Though do not take my word for it, look into his word, read genesis,
2007-05-29 12:39:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋