Am I Gay?!?

Question

Alright, I'm very confused, very curious, and very, very upset. I don't be different, but somthing deep in my body tells me I'm probably gay... I don't want to accept this fact, I dont want to face it. I am wondering if maybe, maybe its a phase? I don't know. I have looked at gay porn before, actually a lot almost daily. I masturbate almost every day ( I am very ashamed of myself because of this...) On a gay quiz i scored a 38%. I wouldn't mind kissing a boy, actually it turns me on. I dont know anymore... I have had thoughts of suicide. I just do not want to be different, and bullied and stuff like that... I... wish I was hotter than I was, I wish i was muscular, and had a nice big penis. I enjoy looking at peníses too... I love jerking off, though I feel wrong when doing it. I love muscles and stuff like that. But i REALLY want to be straight... I dont know anymore... I'm only just turned 13 years old... I dont know what to do anymore... Please, Help..
-Confused and desperate
Riley

I have put some deep thoughts into this, and can not decide, I am just wanting guidelines, and personal stories maybe, on how you figured out if you were gay or not... anything will help!!! Thank you everyone!

I have talked to counsilers before, many. But am embarrased when I go talk to them. I wish I could just talk to someone far away and not care at all...

Answer 1

I think your bi-curious like me. Its also funny that I was in the same situation. To refresh you, its when you are not sure of being gay or straight. So therefore why not be both? as in liking males & females. The reason I say curious, is that as you explained to me you are not really sure and that your still developing off of that.

What you have to do is stop questioning yourself and BE Yourself. Who gives a rats *** on what others say about you. Its your life, you dont have to make others happy, its all about you being happy. Thats all that there is to it. When opportunities knock, GO FOR IT. Dont second guess. What do you have to lose by trying something?

Confirm your thoughts and fantasies, because if you dont, you will still be the way you are and develop regret. You dont want that. What you should desire is that come to love yourself, and learn of your inner beauty. Remember that it is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is all in the inside.

Also you know that masterbating is perfectly fine in healthy amounts. Its a natural part of being human, and DONT be ashamed of that fact. Ill go ahead and say that I do it, as well as everyone normal in this world. So go ahead and have fun, your not creepy or whatever for doing that.

Try refocusing on what you want, not what you dont have and being hopeless. Try saying, you know what, I want to find a solution, and that I know that I will find out where my sexuality develops into. I will enjoy myself, enjoy how I am, enjoy and have a good time with another boy/girl, and enjoy life. THATS where your concerns should be.

So far do ya get what Im saying, there is a solution to everything, and this is something that is unique to you but is a general problem that many people have. Your not alone, because Im here and been through that same thing.

Suicide is a sensitive subject and I will not speak further on that but please, you can talk ot me anytime, I think I can help you. email me anytime. I will most likely will have more to say.

Answer 2

It sounds like you're in some serious trouble! You must first come to terms with your sexuality and accept yourself for who you really are. When you do everything will get better. You're young and suicide is not the answer. That's the most selfish thing you could do. Think about your family and friends who love you and would be hurt if you weren't there for them everyday!

Please visit the GLBT National Help Center. You can talk to someone over the phone or through email. It's free and confidential. This would be the first step in accepting yourself. I went through counseling throughout most of my high school years and it helped tremendously!

Also consider watching a video called "Jim in Bold". It's about a young teen like you who just couldn't come to terms with his sexuality and took his own life 5 months after he graduated high school. It's a really good documentary and will help you understand what your family and friends would go through if you considered suicide. (The teenage years are hard for all of us...so if you just decide to stick it out instead you'll discover everything will turn out ok in the end!). If you can't buy the film consider checking your local library to see if they have it or possibly check the internet to see if it can be shipped to your local library from another library in the U.S.

The links to the above resources are listed below. I've also included some links to other helpful resources such as the Human Rights Campaign and PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). PFLAG is a supportive group of people. You can check their website to see if they have a local chapter in your area (getting involved with others who support you will help tremendously!)

If you still feel like you want to consider suicide PLEASE...just explain your situation to your parents!! (I don't know your parents but I'm 100% positive they wouldn't want you to commit suicide! Even if you are gay they will love you just the same!)

Answer 3

Riley,

You have to be comfortable being you. It's okay to be curious, and you may not know for sure yet, but it will come to you as you get older. You are going through a very hormonal and emotional time in your life. You (and your penis) will grow into your body.

Do not feel ashamed of masturbation. It's a normal release. Just make sure you are in a private non-threatening environment when you do it.

You are worth it! Take care of yourself, and you will without a doubt be able to follow your real feelings. :)

Answer 4

hey.. just because u think of guyz some times and just because u get turned on by them in your imagination, it doesnt mean that this is the way ur goin 2 feel if u actually do something with a guy! have u ever done anything with a girl? maybe if u will u ll change ur mind.. what i thing is that u should try making out with a girl first and if u still have doubts then make out with a guy as well.. theres a chance ur bisexual as well.. dont worrie ur still young and ur still u!! chill!! xxx

Answer 5

You are gay. You dont want to be different-well your not- your gay along with millions of other very happy gay people. Try to relax -those hormones are raging-continue to masterbate and exercise and try to relax and enjoy it. Straights are so boring why do you want to be boring?
PS Cut that suicide bullshit talk out--at least wait till some handsome boy breaks your heart.

Answer 6

I know how you feel but it isn't worth killing yourself. no matter what. Just hang in there and hang out with lots of different people. If you are that concerned about being gay then just don't tell everyone, only the people you trust, until you can deal with coming out to everybody.

Answer 7

You're no longer born homosexual, in order that meana you'll be able to pick whether or not or no longer you could love to be homosexual. There's is not a certain reply. If that is what you desire then opt for it, if no longer, then do not fear approximately it.

Answer 8

Riley, whatever is in your future, suicide is not the answer. Probably it is overwhelming, go talk to a counselor.

Answer 9

Ok riley, you need to pray about it and ask God for guidence. Suicide is never the answer to your problems.

Answer 10

YES u r gay. if curious, try with a fiend. get sum experienment.