I'm in a situation i don't understand? my ex wants us to start again and i do as well! but i just don't want

Question

a repeat of the last time, (he has some commitment phobia!). we split up 2 years ago and went our separate ways but i haven't been able to move on and he says he hasn't either, he says he still loves me and the feeling is mutual BUT we have come across a hitch, he don't like the fact that i was involved with someone else wen we weren't together. What i cant understand is, its ok for him but not for me! Anyway carrying on he tells me he might have another child out there and not sure if its his. I thought i was in the wrong for seeing someone else and still havin feelings for him, i stopped cause it felt wrong, but then he say he might have fathered another child, i don't understand how he cant see wrong in what hes telling me I'm not the only mother to his children!
Pt 2 nxt

Pt2
I really am upset about this and feel like there is no point, but part of me wants it to work, like i said I'm messed up now with too much crap goin on i don't know what to do anymore and i really do love him but feel its gone to far to rectify. He says he wants us to work but how do you work on something thats been goin on for so long but never moved anywhere.

We want to be together but our selfishness seems to get in the way
he dont like certain things i do or have done and likewise but i learn to live with them i take him with his falults and all i have never complained about any thing but his time he doesnt spend with us.

In light of this new news, i am willing to make an effort to stand by him but scared he will want out again should i just leave it or wot to much in the last 10 years has happened for me to just let go but this is too much for me to deal with on my own and to be honest he just gave me this news and expects me to carry on like everything is ok

PS I can take what ever is dealt out to me but am scared at the same time

Answer 1

Go to counseling. You both have to forgive each other or you are both wasting time.

Answer 2

He is too needy to start again. He is upset that you dated others while you were apart, yet he is telling you that he may have a child. Well, if someone announces that he MAY, it is really that he DOES and he is just kind of testing the water to see how you would feel about this kid coming to your house every other weekend for about 18 years and also that you will need to help pay the child support. It doesn't matter if he says HE will pay it all because that just means he won't have money to help with the other expenses. So, in essence you will be paying child support, too. There is a good reason you broke up two years ago. Nothing has changed. He isn't all of a sudden talking marriage, right? No, he wants to go back to the same (except adding in another kid). Lose him. Tell him no and go find yourself a guy that will love and respect you. Also, one that won't try to control you. You deserve it.

Answer 3

This is pretty deep. It may be that you need to talk to someone who does couples counseling, such as a pastor or social worker.

I'm wondering if your ex- is a control freak and trying to get you back so he can have you under his thumb.

If you are hesitant and having second thoughts, go with your gut. Your insides are trying to tell you something that the brain hasn't picked up on. Unless everything feels right and you can trust each other fully, it's not a good situation.

Keep looking for someone else. You deserve better.

Answer 4

It sounds like both of you are carrying too much baggage to get back together successfully. You have problems about what he did during the last two years and he has problems about what you did in the last two years. If we add these to the problems you had before which you will have if you go back together then there is no chance of it working out.

Go your separate ways and look for someone you can be happy with.

Answer 5

you haven't posted part two yet and I already see that I seriously doubt the two of you are going to be able to resolve things to where you can be happy together...

he has trust issues, you have resentment issues over possibly another child outside of your own...you both are insecure, that is more than a "hitch"....

if you two even want to attempt this....you need to get into couples therapy and see if oyu can let go of the past to start new....but I have serious doubts you will be able to.

you can love each other the rest of your lives, especially when you have children together however, you CAN no longer be IN LOVE...because being in love means respect, trust, honesty, caring, fidelity & communication...things you two don't have....and really never did.

If I were you, I'dseriously think twice about this....I'd rather see you get individual counseling to get over him...

Answer 6

apparently you are having problems before you have even reconciled. Isn't this giving you a clue? My friend gave me this advice about going back with an ex-"Would you buy your own crap back at a yard sale?" I tried to reconcile with two exes. Didn't work. Sometimes it is hard to let go-better the devil you know than the one you don't know. You can move on. It is part of maturing-let go.

Answer 7

Walk away. He has commitment issues and may be the father of another child. Walk away before you spend the rest of your life wondering.

Answer 8

he is playing you like a violin. It aint hard to tell. Hes fathering different children and holding on to old flames. To make it bad, he thinks its ok for him to act like that and not for you. You need to save yourself some time and let this one go. Some things arent worth holding on to.

Answer 9

I would say no. It sounds like there is even more drama this time around which isnt going to help an already hard situation.

Answer 10

that is very true, he is doing wrong not you.you were only dating another guy but he isn't sure if he has a child somewhere out there?....to me he doesn't seem good enough for you, it's going to be hard but you honestly need to avoid him & look forward. help?