Ok. Here is a little more info for everyone who is giving me this MUCH needed advise...
-he sees his parents about as much as I see my mom
-he told me once that he heard from my cousin that no one on my dad's side of the family likes her--i think he may tell her what he heard...
-her own sister has told my husband that she dosen't get alon with her sometimes--he'll probably tell her tis too...
-christmas isnt too far out when you have to ask off work NOW and make flight arrangements NOW
-staying home is NOT an option (grandparents, friends, etc..)
-mom dosen't treat him like a jerk--she never says any thing negative to or about him--he just dosent like her views and attitude about things.
-i really do feel like SOMETHING needs to be said or it will continue to happen EVERY YEAR. Lying about the reason why he isn't going to be there is NOT an option.
-should i stay completely out of it or get up in the middle of it (really dont want to)??
2007-05-29 09:17:32 · 10 answers · asked by lorriejack18 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All the he said/she said can be put aside. He doesn't want to go. I would not want her beliefs pressed on me either.
Your mom will have to accept this. She'll ask where he is and you'll say he stayed home this year. Then you move on to other conversation. If she asks more, tell her he just didn't want to come and you didn't want to make him.
2007-05-29 09:25:33 · answer #1 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There shouldn't even be a question about where you husband belongs on EVERY holiday, and that is with you. Can you start having holidays at your house? It's completely unreasonable for your mother-in-law's traditions to supersede your health and well-being. If the rest of the family can't see that, they have a serious mental problem, and if you tolerate that cr@p from your husband so do you. How about your mother-in-law comes to your house the day before and you guys start a new fur-free tradition? What's really important here...people or made up traditions? Or you can continue to be a martyr/doormat and feel sorry for yourself. I'm an expert in feeling sorry for myself, and it's a miserable way to live. Don't let yourself get sucked into that. The family is your, your husband and your kids. The rest are extraneous.
2016-04-01 03:18:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is your husband and why do you need to lie for him..why don't you just tell everyone what people have been saying and let it go from there. This way your going to put the stop to all the talk and maybe find out why this is going on..maybe cause of what he knows or heard makes him feel why should he go..you need to keep all these people together..if you had three way calling and you had a tape recorder setup on one of them..you can record what each person is saying..and after you get that..call the next ones and have them say what they need to say..you make copies and then you send each person a copie and tell them from your point of view how you see things and now know the truth..maybe this is wht he doesn't want to go..one doesn't know unless you if the truth..catch them all in the act..
good luck
2007-05-29 09:31:26 · answer #3 · answered by Spice M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry if your husband doesn't care for your mother's views, but he needs to grow up and be there for you. We all have family members who have ideas that are different but for the sake of the family, we sit through it all for that one time of the year or so. Try to keep your visit as short as possible and hopefully you are able to compromise by staying at a hotel instead of with your mother. That should ease the pain a bit.
2007-05-29 09:35:10 · answer #4 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why is staying home not an option? Why should your husband's Christmas be ruined? Your first priority should be your husband. He and your kids are your family now. Why not start your own traditions at your own house, with your own family?
2007-05-29 14:54:25 · answer #5 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is an adult. He needs to do what he is going to do.You can't force him to go with you; all you can do is encourage him to be respectful of your family.
Your mother is an adult. You can't force her to like your husband; all you can do is encourage her to be cordial.
You need to talk to each of them (seperately). I know it's difficult but you need to walk a fine line and try to let them know that you aren't taking anyone's side. All you want to do is be able to spend your holiday with the people you love.
2007-05-29 09:35:03 · answer #6 · answered by derek1079 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to him about all this? If my husband said he wasn't going, I'd be pissed. I accept his family, disfuntion and all. I expect him to do the same for me. I suck it up every other weekend during football season when they stay with us...he can suck it up for a few days with my family during Christmas. He isn't being fair to you by refusing to go. Also, talk to your family about how he feels...your husband is your family too and if he isn't part of it, you're going to have bigger trouble year after year.
2007-05-29 09:24:48 · answer #7 · answered by its about time 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You might want to say something now, considering they are going to ask why he isn't there... don't make excuse for him, it will take another lie to cover the first, and so on... good luck.
2007-05-29 09:21:31 · answer #8 · answered by emtb9 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not being a jerk to him doesnt means shes not rude. If shes not RESPECTING him as your husband, the man you love. Its RUDE.
2007-05-29 09:22:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband needs to suck it up and just go....all these "adults" need to grow up and respectfully share the holidays with their families.....
2007-05-29 09:24:45 · answer #10 · answered by mago 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋