After 6 months of seperation and finally a divorce, my ex- husband wants to come back...what do i do?

Question

The seperation was pretty painful, I mean I know this is just my perception but he was a real jerk during the whole thing. I tried repeatedly to get him to reconcile and now, not even a month after the divorce has been finalized he wants to try again? I'm sure that I love him but I feel pretty numb... I had finally accepted moving on. The thing that sucked about the whole thing from the get go is that he didn't want to divorce me because I cheated, or was unbearable to live with...not because he didn't love me anymore, not even because he was cheating ( not 100% sure, but pretty certain),..he wanted a divorce because we argued...alot. But we were going through some stressful times, we had just gotten into a new home, we both had new jobs ( we're both prior military) and we were in the process of a custody battle over my two older children from a previous relationship. I know we had alot on our plate, but did that give him the right to just leave me?
2gether 6 yrs, married 6 mos.

Let me elaborate, I have never cheated on him, he never cheated on me, he wanted the divorce because he said simply " we do not get along". He said before hand that he loved me and wanted to be with me but because of the fighting, he no longer had faith that the marriage would work. For the individuals who misunderstand what I typed above.

Answer 1

No... he should have considered counselling first... My soon to be ex use to leave me everytime we got into an argument... I begged him to come back... I just couldn't think about living without him... he left 2 years ago and went to the point of filing for divorce... again, I begged him back... 5 months into the divorce he loss his job and came back home... he again left ... ugh... he filed for divorce and I figured -- you know what...? I've had enough! The divorce will be final on July 23rd... and now he wants to come back... you know what I say to that? NO... he left over a year ago and has not received any counselling... The next time there is an argument... guess what? They will leave again... I either suggest you two go to counselling before you get back together, or take advantage of the freedom he gave you and move on... Good Luck

Answer 2

The appeal is back... something he can't have and he wants it.

Same reason why he cheated.... it was something off limits. Now you are "off limits".

Don't put yourself through the pain of this man again... you're past it... move on with your life. He'll probably just do it again. He wants to see how weak you are and he wants to be wanted. However, it will do no good. It's just gonna go in a nasty cycle.

If you don't have kids with the man, change your number and lose contact with the dude. That will be the best way to move on. If he calls or tries to stop by... ignore him and don't answer the door.

If he won't leave you alone, get a restraining order for your protection.

I'm serious... relationships shouldn't be that hard. Let go, forgive, and move on.... there IS someone out there that will really truely love YOU.

Have respect for yourself. Love yourself. Only then will you be loved and respected.

Answer 3

Try "dating" eachother for awhile.
I'm talking.. picking you up at the door and dropping you off at the door. No overnight sleepovers or weekend stayovers.
Go to a movie or out to dinner. Maybe go dancing or to the museum or zoo. I mean "DATE".
Show eachother common courtesy.. please and thank you's, etc...
It sounds like you're the "injured party" in this whole deal and you need to mend. Take this reintroduction to his perceived wanting of this "new commitment" very slowly.
Marriage isn't disposable as your Ex-husband has proven it to be by his actions.
Maybe both of you see marriage as a different venture. He sees it as being something that is only acceptable if it's comfortable. You see it as "for better or worse, richer or poorer, etc.."
By taking the reintroduction of a "partnership" as a slow process, you and he can both determine if this is workable.
In the process of dating, make sure that you talk.. truly TALK. Be honest and straightforward, open your heart, mind and soul. See if he's willing to do the same and test him on his tolerence levels too.
Marriage isn't always smooth and quiet. Sometimes it can be confrontational and caotic. The thing that makes it work is getting through Those times with a new strength within the union and a new respect and understanding of your partner in it.
If he's coming back into the marriage with the same outlook.. maybe it's better that he not come back at all.

Answer 4

Not being able to resolve conflict is a sure way to head for divorce. Usually a couple who has this type of problem would seek counselling, try to work at it, anything before a divorce. Often times unresolved arguments makes one feel the relationship is hopeless. Before deciding if it would be worth the risk of taking him back, you both first must work on the issues that made you both argue so often. Stress can often escalate more arguments between two people. Best you both get into some type of therapy before you even think of getting back together. Hopefully during therapy you both will be able to learn better skills at resolving conflict. Best of luck on what ever you decide.

Answer 5

Honey wake up and recognize when fate does you a favor. The constant arguements and the fact that he chose divorce over trying to work things out and make some compromises should be huge stopping blocks to you re-uniting instincts. Think about what you say in this post. Why do you want to return to that. Forget it girl you were moving on with your life, why ya wanna take a backward step that could ruin it. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, you are free from a great burdon, be glad of it,don't go and pick it up and strap it on your back again.

Answer 6

The biggest question here would be have you twomatured or aged enough to get over the small problems of marriage. If not then allyoure doing is fooling yourselfs and setting yourselfs up to repeat this all over again. Is it worth it? What has actully changed that would even make you start to think he has grown up to deal with the stress? I personally thi nk you have gotten to the point where you can start moving on anddont need to go backwards so dont. If you were sure you wouldnt be on here with us. Move on. Good luck

Answer 7

He bailed out on you when things got tough and when he should have been there for you the most. That says a lot about his character. Life goes through ups and downs, do you really need to deal with him leaving every time things aren't perfect? He is obviously not ready to put your marriage before his own personal convenience, don't go back.

Answer 8

Well marriage is for better and for worse. It appears that he did not like the worse. If he is your ex, you need to keep him as that. If you take him back your only going to go through the pain again when he leaves because the road is to rough. Do not despair, you will find a new love that will take the vows of marriage seriously. Good luck.

Answer 9

I'd go to some couples therapy before even thinking of taking him back. Nothing is going to change if you still have the same issue's going on. Seems a little dumb to me to want to come back AFTER the divorce is final. Be 100% sure it is what you want.

Answer 10

Men have a hard time w/ stress especially if they feel like there isn't anything they can do to alleviate it-believe me, I know u were probably even more stressed out but less vocal about it. I say try to work things out and give it an honest go. Just take things slowly and just date each other.