Me and my babies father aren't married so who's surname should the baby get?

Question

Is there any complications that arise from the mum not having the same name as the the baby? eg enrolment at school, getting funny looks etc?

Answer 1

It's up to you. I gave my daughter her father's name becuase I knew that someday I would marry someone else and I wanted her to have the last name of one of her parents.

Answer 2

You will get funny looks. It is called judgement-you do it and so do I ! People assume all sorts of things, based on half information. You will get it for not following social norms and being married FIRST. You knew that when you decided to do this. People will feel sorry for your baby, too.
You should not have any problem with papers. They will take what is on the birth certificate.
Call your local vital statistics office and ask if you can name her last name"Rainbow" or "Dishpan" or some other name you might like.
I think you should give the baby your surname, so that you are absolutely positive you will still enjoy her last name, no matter what life brings you. Who know what can happen between you and the dad. He may not want to admit paternity, You may not be able to prove it, you may marry someone who hates him. Your daughter may hate him. Why bog her down?
I also think women should keep their own names, married or not, but that's because I have been through changing my name and it is a pain-and changing it back is worse.
It is no one's business whether or not you are married and to whom, unless you need him for clout or an identity. I have my own clout, and my own identity, and my husband has his. It seems to me it is more about ownership than anything, and I don't believe in slavery-for love or money.

Answer 3

There will always be funny looks and comments. However, if you want the baby to have a sense of who they are then that is up to you. My sister gave her son our lst name for his first name and his fathers last name as his last name. So he has both. There are family members who think that the baby shouldnt have the father's name but he is there and he does take care of the baby. School enrollment shouldnt be a problem. However, my husband kept his mother's last name until he was a senior is high school which is when he met his dad for the first time since he was three years old.

Answer 4

I think it all depends on your relationship with the baby's father. Is he going to be a vital part of the baby's life? Do you live together? Is this the man you plan to marry? If you answer YES to these questions, then I'd give the baby his last name. Otherwise, I'd think twice about it. My husband and I weren't married when we had our first child but knew that we would be married sometime in the future when the time was right so I gave him his father's last name, saved on having to change it later. We married when he was 2-1/2 yrs old and have been married for 10 yrs adding 3 more kids to the family.

Answer 5

The baby can be legally given either name, the choice is yours at birth. But for your childs safety and well being get the father to sign off paternity. It is a document the man signs that states they are the father. It, in fact gives the child legitimacy, whether you are married or not. The cannot be called a bastard child. They do indeed have a real father. If the father dies the child can inherit. It is a legal paper and can be found in the court house. You can get a copy there. Play it safe and get one if you are not going to marry.

Answer 6

Well, I would say no matter what to give the baby your name. It is more simple in the future and people who dont know you have a different name will call you Mrs. (babys last name). It shouldn't complicate school but I suppose it could cause funny looks. Congrats on the baby!

Answer 7

Well, if I knew then what I know now, I would have given my daughter my last name. I didn't think about it before, I always thought the baby got the father's last name, and to me it was weird when girls around here gave the baby their own last name. Now that I've been through it, it isn't so weird to me. Now my daughter has the last name of a family I would rather she keep a distance from, and who isn't a family I feel comfortable with her being connected to by name. Since she is now with me all of the time, and more around my family, it would make more sense for her to have our last name. It feels really uncomfortable for me that we have different last names, and I'm almost embarrased that she has her father's. It has not been a problem so far with legal records or anything like that (registration in daycare, etc.). And yes, it would be weird if she had my last name and I got married, so we had different names, but she would still be known as part of my family by her last name. I would think long and hard about it, it's a personal decision that didn't occur to me much when I went through it. Do what you are most comfortable with.

Answer 8

If you are planning on marrying the father you could give the child his name, if not it may be easier for the child to have your name. I have a daughter from a previous relationship that has her fathers last name, we were engaged for 3 years...but in the end it didnt work out and she already had his name. I happen to not like the sound of my last name so I will be giving my unborn child the fathers name (who I am in a long term relationship with). I think it is a matter of choice really.
God bless you and your family!

Answer 9

I never took my husband's last name, but we gave it to our daughter. We live in a large metro area, where it is common to have all sorts of combo of names. My daughter is now 11 and we never had any funny looks or problems enrolling in school, etc. To the kids you are just so and so's mom ayway and to the other adults, you go by your first name.

A fair amount of time there has been coaches, etc that will call me by her last name and depending on the length of time that I will be interacting with the other person determines whether I correct them or not.

Whatever you and the father feel comfortable with -

Answer 10

Honestly, you cant base it on what is normally done, and getting funny looks. If you have a baby's father who is taking care of his business, and his child and is there for the child like he is supposed to be, then the child should get the name of the father, he deserves that much whether you are together or not. The people on here seem not to realize that it is not about YOU it is about the child... If you have one of the few good men in the world who seriously take care of the child reguardless of your situation with him then he deserves to have the child be his namesake. It is absurd of these people to say "if" he is going to marry you. That is so irresponsible and childish... sweetie, look at your situation, if the man is doing what he is supposed to do as a man, and a father then he should have the privilage of having his child carry on his name.

Answer 11

I personally would give my baby the father's last name but, My mother has remarried which to me is the same situation. Think of it that way. If you are that undecided give the baby a hyphenated last name. Your last name - his last name. This way the child knows for sure he is a product of both you and his father and he won't have to wonder who his father is.