My husband is giving me an ultimatum?

Question

My husband can not stand my Dad. And every chance he gets he will cut my Dad down to me. Well I do defend my Dad, and my husband can't stand it. I mean he hates him. But hey he's my dad and I love him and so do his grandkids (2). My husband told me that I have to cut all ties with my parents or we are through. What do you do with that? I love my husband but I shouldn't have to give up my parents for him. Am I seeing this all wrong?

My husband and I were going to get a divorce a few years back and my parents helped me out. The 2 kids are mine not his. The divorce was getting ugly and my dad was there to help. Hence the reason ny husband hates my Dad. But it was a few years back and I thought it was all water under the bridge. Because we made it through. Now, he keeps bringing it up and throwing it in my face. It's like he is still trying to punish me for all most leaving him back then. neither one of us cheated or anything. We moved pretty far away and I still like to go and visit, he was pretty good about it at first, but I guess I pushed it to far. Now he wont let me or the kids go visit unless My dad calls him to applogize. but my husband just wants to have a bi**h contest with him. It would be like sending my Dad in to a tiger den. I hate being caught in the middle.

Answer 1

Talk with your husband again. Work it out for your children. Maybe if you try this.. Tell your husband we as a family will not go over to see my dad as it upset you,but lets do it this way. I want to see my dad and so do the kids,so lets do it half way. I'll take the kids and myself to see dad for a few hours and you can stay here and now you have me and the kids for a long time till the kids see him again. No one should make you have a ultimatum..and if he don't like that and still wants you to do it his way..then the marrage it not worth holding on to cause love or no love as a men like to control women just so they can get what they want. Look back in his life as there is something wrong with this pictures..maybe he had a bad child life and it bugs him cause your close with your family. You can give him the Ultimatum this way by saying well if the children and I can't go see him maybe we can go are own way and you will be put in the same way your doing with me..Tell him I don't think you would like it if i told the kids they can't see you anymore and they had to pick which one of us they would like to see..honey it is not worth it if he can't agree on your terms..try this and see what happens..the one other thing i would point out is mannasox said on here to you is take your kids away for the weekend and don't tell him..this is a big time no no..you can have the police come after you for kidnapping your kids and then you have a bigger mess on your hands..so don't do that..or you end up with out your kids..

Answer 2

Some people will tell you that once you get married that becomes your "family" and you parents and siblings take a back seat. What I am not understanding is why after 2 kids is he NOW giving you an ultimatum? Has he always felt this way about y our father and if so than, you should have tried to work it out before the kids. if not than why now? did something happen? I would not chose between husband and dad, try to seek counseling with dh maybe it can help with the situation. if not than it will ruin your marriage. my first hubby and i seperated b/c of his mother boy did that women hate me, at first he put her in her place but in the end she won. try your best to fix it, maybe suggest going to your parents without him? it sucks, big time. but you cant always be the one to give give give, this is your family and your children have the right to be with their g-parents.

Answer 3

NO WAY!!!!He has no right to say that to you,and if he really loves you,he will take it back! If he means what he said,then you need to leave him,because you have to think of what is best for yourself and your kids! This is a tough situation! I would tell you husband very calmly that you love him very much,but he is NOT going to force you to cut out your family!He has no right to do that! If he and your dad dont get along,thats fine,they dont have to see each other,you can go by yourself with the kids,to your parents! But,if he insists on making you choose,tell him "there's the door,if you want to leave"...then leave it at that. He will get the picture!

Answer 4

Never give up your parents over a spouse unless you're parents are like druggies or drunk people. First talk with your husband some more and find out what exactly is bugging him about your father, then do the same with your father. Find out some things that he can do differently when around you and your spouse. Maybe your husband and father can meet in the middle somehow.

Answer 5

Boyfriend and Dad must meet half-way at some point. I had a similar issue with my past hubby. He hated mom. But he loved me enough not to let me go. Try to compromise if no room for that, time for hardball. Either parents let you move back home so you can be with them all the time, or leave hubby. No matter how you cut the mustard. This is a sticky situation. If no compromise can be made try talking to him again. Example, my parents promise not to come over, I'll visit them with the kids, split up holidays between hubby and parents. If hubby really loves you - he won't let you go over this stuff. He should have bigger fish to fry besides I don't like your daddy......

Answer 6

Give your husband an ultimatum in response to his. Its either All family or No family (meaning you will take the kids and move out)
I bet he sees it differently. Or just take your kids away for the weekend, and dont' tell him where you're going, or when you're coming back, and tell him that you chose your parents, because they raised you, and they obviously know whats better for you. Spouses should not give their wives a choice of him or your parents... It just doesnt work that way.
Whats the reasoning behind him not liking your dad? If its something serious, then maybe you need to sit back and take a look at things yourself. Maybe counseling will help.

Answer 7

I think if you're husband truly loved you, he would not make you choose. Ask him how he would feel if you gave him the same ultimatum. Tell him that you are willing to do things with your parents when he is not around, but you are not going to write them off. Tell him if he doesn't cut your dad down, you won't have any reason to defend him and therefore you won't mention him. He's not being fair to either you or your kids.

Answer 8

Seems like a problem that should have been worked out before you married this man & had children with him. Unless your dad abused you or your kids, I would tell him HE is the one getting the ultimatum. Tell him he will tolerate your family and be decent to them or he can hit the road. A man that truly loves you will not try to alienate you from the people you love.

Answer 9

Compromise. Your husband is being rediculous. Him asking you to cut off all ties to your parents is disgusting. I'm not saying divorce your husband, but be a woman and put your foot down. Don't even give up your mother or father (especially if you love them) for a man/woman. If he truely loved you, he would adapt to your father and learn how to act appropriatley around him, for the sake of you and your kids.

Answer 10

Your husband needs to learn to respect the relationship that you have with your dad. Granted, you left your mother and father to become one with him, and your relationship to your husband should take precedence over your relationship with your parents. But unless his attitudes change, things are going stay rocky for your relationship with him. No one who has a favorable relationship with family members can just turn it off and never have anything to do with them again. Your husband needs to learn that. Giving ultimatums is another dangerous practice. Counseling appears to be in order…