How can I help my marriage?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 8 and half years. Lately it seems like we can't see eye to eye on anything. I think he's being unfair and He's think I'm a bully. I see little situations where he will get an attitude and I will let it slide by because I understand we are not always going to be happy with each, but then I will get an attitude about a similar situation and I don't get the same courtesy. Also he really can't stand to be around my Mother or Brother and complains every time they come over but we live next door to his mother and aside from the occasional annoyance I don't say much. He feels like his family helps us out more (which is true) so I should not complain when I feel like they are all up in our business. I guess I need to know is it me? Am I seeing things as too much of a competition between us? I love him very much and just want to get back to where we use to be.

Answer 1

Focus and perception are frequently the problem in situations just like this. It sounds like the both of you have started to focus on the negatives. I am willing to bet that the things that are irritating both of you are no different than anything the two of you had to deal with six or eight years ago. The difference is what you focus on. For example, lets say that a wife complains about how dirty her husband gets his clothes every weekend and he just dumps them in the laundry room. Are his clothes dirty because he was changing the oil in her car, out taking car of the yard, building her the deck she always asked for or fixing the kids bikes so they can ride? In this example, I would try to get her to focus on the fact that her husband is taking care of things that are easy to overlook, she does not need to worry about her car, the yard...etc. Guys for the most part tend to do this more than women and miss the fact that so much is done and taken for granted. Fix his supper six days in a row and miss the seventh. What do you think most guys would say? Where is supper? Not, Thank you for fixing my supper every night this week, we should go out and eat to give you a break. It is human nature to remember the things that bother us and let the things that are done for us slip from our memory, many times it is just that we need to change or focus.

Perception on the other hand is how one sees the actions of another. If you clean the kicthen all morning long to get it just right and his mother comes over and starts cleaning behind you, this could offend you or upset you. Now you complain to your husband that nothing you ever do is good enough for his mother. His perception could easily be that you just do not like his mother and he feels caught in the middle. When the reality is, his mother could just be trying to help out and want to do things for you as a nice gesture.

Next time the two of you start in on eachother about some minor thing, stop and try and look at it from each others perspective, stand in their shoes for a minute and ask yourself if it is really worth arguing over. Before you decide on an answer, ask yourself honestly, would you butt heads with your best friend over this very same thing?

Answer 2

See, the quandary with the "Well, a brother and sister residing co-dependently might benefit from the equal advantages" means that no 2 immediately men and women have *ever* abused the wedding procedure once they were not in a romantic courting. But a sibling couple doing so might nonetheless be legally "married"; they might now not then, in flip, be allowed to marry anybody they had been honestly romantically focused on with out dissolving that partnership, with the entire authorized disorders a divorce can intent. I imply, I believe if a brother/sister pair (or brother/brother or sister/sister, had been homosexual marriage authorized) desired to go into right into a lifelong, non-romantic authorized partnership, definite, they might conceivably call for they be granted marriage rights. But such partnerships might be as an alternative few and some distance among, as I consider the social stigma of annoying you be allowed to marry your sister might more commonly suppress that organization. A extra pertinent query might be on learn how to manage the quantity of contributors in a wedding. If marriage is spread out from in which it's now, then there is the query approximately whether or not polyamorous unions will have to be legally identified. And if we then extended marriage to permit, say, four participants, then what approximately polygamists who consider socially ostracized considering the fact that they've a five-means courting? Polygamists and brothers in need of to marry their sisters, nonetheless, represent a tiny, tiny fraction of American society. Homosexuals, whilst nonetheless a minority, quantity some distance higher. Opening up marriage to equal-intercourse couples, I feel, is a strategy to furnish those romantic pairings the equal authorized rights which are presently loved by way of an identical partnerships, whilst minimizing the difference to the total procedure. Sure, the "slippery slope" argument can nonetheless be implemented, however simply considering the fact that commencing up marriage to homosexuals would open up a better can of worms does not imply it's not a well and correct factor to do.

Answer 3

Sometimes we tell the world what we should be discussing with our spouses. Tell him what you just wrote about. Communicate. Tell him you love him and hope that with the love he has for you that you two can work this out. You are both adults now and have been married long enough to openly discuss all these things. Having temper tantrums (or as you put it "competition") about issues is very childish. And I don't mean to be belittling anyone, really. But, sometimes, we just forget that we are adults and we will never be presented with more than we can handle if we use our common sense and logic to resolve our problems. When it comes to in-laws and relatives, what are they doing in your married life? They really have no place in your marriage. That may sound harsh, but the marriage is between you and and your husband. Sure you love your relatives, but the matter is you and your husband and your marriage. Keep it that way. Nurture the marriage and shut out other influences that may be interferring with your relationship. Good luck implementing better communication in the future.

Answer 4

You are on the right track, but you seem to be still letting things get to you. And it seems like you compare things way too much. Like he doesn't like your bro and mom, but his mom lives next door and you are understanding about it. You've got to get back into a mode where you realize you are not him and he is not you. He is going to handle things diffferently and do things differently and that doesn't make him wrong. Just like it doesn't make you wrong for having your own way of dealing with things.

You can only work on you and change you. That is where your focus should be. Figure out if there is a different way you can handle and view these situations. Instead of letting him irritate you think of something nice about him that you love. Will change your outlook of him and make it easier to deal with him.

Answer 5

I wouldn't say that it is you per say, but what I do know is that you two sound like you need to sit down and have a good talk with each other.

Ask him to tell you things about yourself and your family that is annoying him. And in turn you do the same for him and his family.

Hopefully you two can come to some kind of conclusions and answers.

God Bless!

Answer 6

If the two of you can't figure out the root of your frustrations on your own, talk with a marriage counselor. Their whole business is to help folks sort out what issues really exist and then present some ideas for getting around them...

Answer 7

I agree with 0000's response. Try talking to him in a non-confrontational manner & let him now how you feel & encourage him to do ther same. If you cannot agree on every situation, which most couples don't, agree to disagree because you both are entitled to your own opinions. Yes you are a couple but you are still individuals with different points of view.

Answer 8

It's not you. He needs to appreciate you. You seem to treat him the way that you'd like to be treated and all you really want is the same treatment and respect shown to you as you've shown him. As far as in laws goes, he should not be so annoyed by your mom and brother, those are your family members and if he loves you for you, he should put up with them because your family identifies who you are as an individual.

Answer 9

I have the same problem;but it is my mother-in-law. I try to let my huband how I feel. All he say is don't put me in the middle.My side of the family don't come over and they help us. All I can tell you is stand up for yourself; it looks like he won't.

Answer 10

You guys do have some control issues here but you should be able to get him to talk to you and maybe you can iron things out without a counselor. Good luck.