Brother
I can feel your blood
Flowing in my heart
I can hear your breath
Moving in my lung
I can see your tears
Running down my face
My life without you
Is an empty place
Because your land is my land
Because your blood is my blood
And your soul is my soul
Cause we all are one hand
When you cry
I feel your pain
When you are wounded
I bleed again
When you feel happy
I fly high
When you succeed
I can touch the sky
please tell me your comments ,and if you liked that , can you tell me where to sell my writings ?
thanks alot
2007-05-29 06:57:19 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
I think this is pretty good. One thing I might say is that the line: "Cause we all are one hand"
Doesn't seem to flow as well as the rest. Maybe:
"Since we all are one hand" instead?
Try this link if you haven't seen it already.
http://www.sff.net/people/neile/how.to.sell.poetry.htp
2007-05-29 07:32:27 · answer #1 · answered by M O R P H E U S 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Very good. I like how you mixed metaphors with similes. I enjoyed the part at the end, because it really brought closure to the poem. Wanna hear my poem? Here it goes:
"Levi sat in the hall
and a dew settled on the town
One giant eye watched over all
And up fell a fluffy down
The blue sky is blurred
by the artist's thumb
The beggar's creeping words are slurred
His body lame, his head dumb
The men climb on the whal'es back,
yellowed by the sun
The poles are white, the trunks are brown,
As for boundaries, there are none.
Pretty good? I wrote it myself on my way to my mom's house.
2007-05-30 09:08:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love the sentiment this poem employs. I could not just hear it but feel it. You have a unique voice for poetry. Get a copy of Poet's Market by Writer's digest Books and you can check out all the publisher's resources and guides there. There are both paying and non paying markets for you to choose from. You should be able to get a copy at your local bookstore or on Amazon.com
Check out my onlin ezine http://yasouezine.tripod.com
We are not yet a paying market but you are welcome to submit.
2007-05-29 16:58:27 · answer #3 · answered by jodapoet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be better in Spanish. I'm sorry but I was bored by the second stanza. Remove the words When and Because. They are redundant. The reader wants to be pulled in and elevated. You almost do that but heck what do I know?
2007-05-29 14:51:02 · answer #4 · answered by ta 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good, I'd try to sell it to a literature magazine or journal.
2007-05-29 14:06:13 · answer #5 · answered by Paul H. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋