How should I deal with this situatuion???? Help please, read details!!!?

Question

My husband ( 5 year marriage ) and I were at a family dance Sunday. He left early to go fishing so I stayed. I dance with his brother and somthing was starting to happen. He said he wanted to talk to me alone and had feeling for me. (He is in a 14 year marriage with kids). So I told him he just had one too many beers and I would forget about everything. He asked if he could take me home and I told him no. The next day we went to another party. They were there and he said he did not regret what he told me. I told him it was wrong and for him just to think about his brother, wife, and kids. He said he has and me telling him just makes me a better perspn and makes him want me more. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH. I refuse to tell my husband. My husband loves him and has the most respect for him out of all of his family. But now, the thing is what happened. Why am I so worried about his brother, and been thinking about him. The attention was nice and to know someone else cares...........

Answer 1

my advice is to do nothing,unless you absolutely HAVE to!!Telling your husband would only hurt him unnecessarily,especially if his brother has NO plans of divorcing his current wife! I dont know you from Eve,but im sure you love your husband very much! As for your being worried about the brother? Thats only natural! You feel like your marriage may be threatened,and you are worried! You have done nothing wrong.You only danced with the man! That is NOT adultery! If the brother keeps up his advances,though,im afraid you will be forced to tell your husband what is going on to get the brother to stop! Continue to let the brother know, You only have love for your husband! Avoid one-on-one confrontations with him whenever possible!
You control the situation as much as you can!

Answer 2

Avoid him, Nance, and let sleeping dogs lie. You will not make people happy by telling your husband about this. As long as it does not continue, why tell your husband something that is going to start a big bunch of trouble? And it will cause a BIG bunch of trouble! Your husband will try to go beat him up, if nothing else, and the inlaws will start taking sides and there will be a furor over this. Tell old brother in law to back off and leave you and your marriage alone. Do not be seduced into thinking that the attention is nice. Because the attention is only nice at this stage and only for a minute. If you follow up on the attention and go all the way, I promise you it will end in disaster. Don't tell anyone about this. Tell the brother to leave you alone. And stay away from him before it ruins everything!

Answer 3

Okay, feelings are feelings. I doubt alot of people can tell you that they know exactly how you feel because they probably don't. I'm not going to go into the whole morality side of this because I'm guessing you already thought about that. The fact that you were not totally aghast at what your brother-in-law told you indicates that you do care for him to some degree, which is not really helping the situation. It maybe very flattering that he feels that way, but it may also show that he's looking for something outside his marriage and since your part of the family, it's very convenient that he notice you more.

How you react to this will reflect on how you value your own family and his. No matter how you feel about it now, you are definitely not in a position to indulge in this. Having thoughts about your husband's brother is not unnatural, but if you choose to indulge in it too much, now THAT is bad and ou know it. Instead, try to focus on appreciating your husband more. He deserves it. Discourage your brother-in-law. Having something like this could ruin lives, you dont want to be responsible for something like that, unless your willing to give up your marriage.

Answer 4

it could just be that you liked the attention , maybe you are not getting enough at home , in any case that doesn't make you a bad person , as long as you know nothing is going to happen and you could be alright no big deal , except perhaps you feel guilty because you enjoyed the attention, it's alright it's natural i mean you are only human , just because your married doesn't mean you have to stick your head in the sand when someone looks your way or hits on you , just do what is right and everything will be alright , i mean you can tell your husband if you want to , he'll probably figure it was just the alcohol talking as long as that is all that happened you don't actually have to say anything now it is really up to you , however you may want to say something about it just in case he tells your husband that you came on to him so be careful and good luck

Answer 5

It would be a horrible situation to ever think to get involved in. Think of the lives it would affect in that entire family. His brother is very wrong and think about what this would do to their relationship alone! This would affect all the children and for life they are related. Tell your brother -in law to get counseling and work on his marriage and to leave yours alone. You are flattered by attention from a man that is being very self centered and he is only thinking about the sex with you and not about a life time affect here. Do not take this as a compliment because it is far from one. You need to put him in his place and let him know that this is a back stab to his brother and showing disrespect to you and your character....ask him what he is taking you for and that you love his brother and if he doesn't back off you will tell your husband about this. He is wrong and out of line and the repercussions of your entire life is not worth what it would cost this whole entire family. Tell him to get his thrills else where and don't you even think about it!! Stay away from him because this is not good and you know that it wouldn't be! Best wishes sweetie.

Answer 6

OMG girl, you are setting yourself up for a life of misery if you even think about being with him!!! Stay away from him!! If his advances continue, threaten to tell your husband. Maybe that will make him stop! I understand how the attention was flattering, but consider the source! This man is married with chldren and he is willing to be with his brother's wife. What kind of integrity could he possible have? Just knowing how much respect your husband has for him and then knowing that he is doing this behind his back should be anything but flattering!! You should want to castrate him and send his balls to his wife!!! THIS GUY IS A TOTAL LOSER!!!!!!

Avoid this guy completely! If he continues this crap, I think you should really consider talking to your husband! He deserves to know how willing his brother is to stab him in the back!!

Another thought........ Are you sure that he isn't trying to set you up? Maybe he is trying to get you to take the bait so he can tell your husband!! Be smart girl, stranger things have happened!

Answer 7

Sheeeet Girl.I can't believe this Guy. You are going to have to tell your Hubby because otherwise the bro might get paranoid of loosing everything and turn this on you.And you get blamed and your husband might not believe your version then. Then again he also might not want to believe it first time around seeing that he is such a fan of his bro. You are such a good Girl to keep your Cool this far.I am sure you can work something out.You need to tell someone you can trust. Not the mother because she will always take her son's side. What about their father , men sometimes is a bit more logical en less emotional about these things.You need someone on your side.Otherwise this thing can become a big mess for you.Good Luck!

Answer 8

I know that you don't want to. But I would have a discussion with my husband. Not all the details, but just the simple fact that his brother made a pass at you and you immediately reminded him that it was inappropriate. I would leave it at that.

Don't set yourself up for emotional blackmail by the brother. If he is slimy enough to go after his brother's wife, he is probably also the type that would go to his brother, who he knows respects him, and say that you came on to him...leaving you looking not only like a tramp, but it would then be very hard for your husband to accept the real truth. I don't believe in keeping secrets in a relationship...it's the beginning of a disaster waiting to happen.

Answer 9

What Does your Heart say. No one can answer this question but you.
1)you dont tell him. If he does find out he doesnt trust you or his brother ever.

2)You do tell him. This could be tricky. He could act like your lying or He could believe you and confront his brother who may deny It.

My suggestion: Sit down in a totally non hostile way and tell your Husband you have a concern. Being Honest is the best way. If you have him sit down and you talk one on one calmly about it. With no other distractions.

I had a similiar thing happen with myself. My sisters (now X husband) was hitting on my fiancee, my whole family knew about it but didnt tell me, My fiancee finally did after my sister got a divorce. However the damage was done and now I question what my family is or isnt telling me.

Hope this helps

Answer 10

Don't start letting your sappy feelings get to you. You love your husband so in the future, do not dance with your brother in law and try never to be alone with him. Tell him you don't want to hear anything else about this and for him to leave you alone because you love your husband and you don't want any family problems. Then walk away and don't listen to his nonsense. Even if he calls, as soon as you know it is him, tell him bye and gently hang up the phone. do not stay on the phone and talk with him at all.

Keep temptation away and it won't bite you.